To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

[Onthedowns]

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

I'm the same...I keep thinking how we all were baking banana bread and exercising with Joe Wicks, clapping carers...and this was happening...I can't stop thinking of that time, how happy and content I was...I knew back then that the lockdown must have been horrific for so many, and now seeing what was happening right next to us....i can't stop thinking - and I'm not religious, but if anything were to convert me - it's this case...the boy became the real superhero he always wanted to be...I keep thinking that life should be so much more than just physical life and his life is eternal now and surely he feels the outpour of love now...maybe those are just comforting thoughts, but I don't know how to cope with it otherwise...

@HumpreyDowny @DaxyLover @SusanHalf @Lilou21

I feel exactly the same. It's actually reassuring to know there are others really struggling with this story. I have a 5 year old son, he is so innocent and sweet and I can't look at him without thinking what Arthur went through. When he says he's hungry straight after eating his dinner I imagine how starved and desperate Arthur must have been. I think it was right that they released that video but I can't get the image or the audio out of my head.
I know this thread has been criticised for performative grieving by some, but it's actually really helping me to feel like I'm not losing my mind and there are other people out there really struggling with this. I've never reacted in this way to a story in the news in my life! I do get upset normally but I think what makes this so unique is how he had a perfectly happy home with his grandparents that he was torn away from. It must have been so incredibly scary and confusing for him. I think there is too many unexplained aspects of the case that makes me feel I can't let it go in my head, like why was he salt poisoned? Did his dad know she was doing that? Did they stop him drinking from the tap? From going to the toilet? I know none of that changes anything but I can't help wondering about the detail. I think it's just so hard to let it go when it just felt so unnecessarily cruel.

there must be changes now...i'm also struggling to understand what I can do now, in a year, in ten since this has affected me so much...the ideas his maternal grandmother had sounded reasonable - but what can I do to make sure it happens...I keep scrolling through whatsapp messages on the days he died and I can't help it - i keep thinking about it and I feel guilty...I live miles away...I can't imagine how people living near there feel...

Just looking at that video of them enjoying ice creams in the living room and opening happy meals for Tustin’s kids, whilst knowing Arthur is standing there in the hallway, is upsetting.

She looks so smug eating the ice cream, especially as the prosecution said she wanted Thomas Hughes to provide for her and children and she didn’t want Arthur there.

@cantstopthinking21 I have also looked back at my photos from the day Arthur died. Me and the dc were relaxing in the garden with the padding pool and ice creams. My dc we're having a lovely day and poor Arthur was being murdered after months of abuse. It's so disturbing and horrific to think about.

@bluebellYellow thank you for sharing this

Something needs to change, nothing has disturbed me as much as this story. It’s beyond sickening and sad, how humans can inflict this on a child. He was adorable and to be treated so badly has knocked me sick ...can’t shake the thoughts from my mind. It’s not the answer and can’t change what happened but I pray the parents get their just deserts...one way or another. This story is haunting me and left me feeling broken 😞

This is exactly what I am thinking. It's playing on my mind so much. How did he go to the toilet etc. I can't comprehend any of it. He was so beautiful how could anybody not love him. He had a major trauma in his life with his mum going away so I can understand if he acted up but medical professionals told his dad to fill him with love not punishment. They did the opposite.

I really want his dad and gf to make a statement and answer the question.... Why? 💔
There's plenty of people who would have given him a loving home. Myself included.

No I don’t think you’re abnormal
One bit …. Neither is being physically sick … I also feel like this topped with guilt that I can’t even watch the videos when he had to endure it … I feel physically sick but unable to be sick …. They are beyond evil there are no words to describe what they did…. I don’t have any kids ( unfortunately) but I was Googling that this case has broken me and it bought me to your post so I joined Mumsnet just to try and find some comfort … then I think why should I get comfort i havnt been through it … seriously I could kill them with my bare hands … I also feel very angry with the grandmother it’s just beyond me … so what if she got arrested for breaking COVID regs … they would have hardly called the police incase they were exposed …. I keep checking online to see if they’ve been attacked …. I would love to have been blessed with little Arthur with his parents he never had a chance …. If there is a god …. Then the bible says his will not let
Anyone endure more than what they can … so I’m hoping
god took him and I’m hoping he was unconscious after the first assault
. I’m so sorry Arthur that I couldn’t help you 😩

Thank you so much for these messages, reassuring to know that i am not alone in not being able to take this tragedy out of my head...

@cantstopthinking21 i too thought about what we were doing at that time. We were preparing for my son's birthday party, who is a similar age to Arthur. It is so haunting to to think about this. I know it is not rational but i cannot help feeling guilty about this time. I cant cope with the thought of Arthur not being in a better peaceful place full of love. I dont know why it has hit me so hard, the finality of it, the helplessness of this ending and not being able to do anything. I wish somebody had invented a time machine...

Similar to you @Buddhabowl i wondered whether he could drink from the tap, or were they controlling his toilet visits too. Did they actively plan to slowly kill him and blame it on poor health? What did they think the end game was? What was passing from their sick evil minds? Were they psychopaths who came together? Why are not they feeling any remorse at all? How can they hate an innocent child to this extent? Why?

I cannot figure what their end game was?
Carrying on the way they were doing was only going to end one way..
surely they knew with the state he was in that there would be questions asked and a PM would bring up the abuse?
They must have known they wouldn't get away with it???
I can't understand it, any of it!!!!
It has made me think more and I am much calmer and present in my own sons life-who is 7yrs.
I know this has affected me because of them being the same age and similar in looks.

I have wondered whether the father wasn't fully aware of the poisoning. He told the school Arthur wasnt eating and was losing weight and might faint so he couldn't go in.
Either they were planning to let him die of dehydration and malnutrition and he was setting the scene in preparation or he wasn't really aware of why Arthur wouldn't eat.
It makes more sense in my head to think that Tustin was behind the worst of the evil and the dad was trying to look like the big man and discipline Arthur, which got very out of hand. I personally don't think he intended to kill his son.
What I don't understand is how, if he didn't intend him to die, he could watch him in a state that he could barely walk and so dehydrated.
Maybe he became so desensitised to it?
I also wonder whether she intended him to die at that moment. I think she probably didn't as she would have been more clever about it to cover her tracks, but the brutality suggests otherwise.
I am also flabbergasted that they took him out the house in that state for other people to see. That suggests to me that they were both so messed up and deluded and desensitised to their abuse that they didn't think he even looked that bad. The whole story is baffling.

@charliebear78 I think they probably didn't intend for it to get that bad. It probably got to a point where Hughes couldn't possibly take him back to his parents due to the bruising so had to keep him home as Tustin probably said she would lose her kids if he did. Lockdown would have magnified everything, and she was a hateful nasty evil woman so took everything out on him and he was pathetic and violent. The hardest part for me to deal with is that he was sooo close to being saved. Two adults saw him on the last two days of his life.
One call to an ambulance and he would be alive today, all the bruises would have been spotted and he would have been rescued

I still
Feel
Really sick about this - I just watched the grandmothers interview and I do wonder how she could have left things after seeing those bruises. I would have removed the child myself.

I may have missed it but where was the mother? I assumed she is in some kind of mental hospital during this time?

The mother is in prison for murdering an ex partner she got 11y.

Oh dear. That’s awful.

I also wonder what exactly happened in her life that she was able to do that? Also all the anonymous calls - why anonymously? were they afraid of her? or were they not 100% sure it's that bad? what about the hairdresser - she was concerned but not concerned enough? were they all in disbelief because she was taking him with her?
and her children, especially the ones who lived with them, i think they are of similar age - what is going to happen with them, would someone work with them? maybe now they are too little to fully comprehend it all, but i can't imagine how they would be growing up with all of this...
i keep thinking about creating a time machine every day now - i see pics of him when he was born and it breaks me, i feel that this is how far we need to go back to give him a proper chance...

I honestly don’t understand how the biological father can do this. Can’t get over it. Obviously it’s horrendous what she did but that was his SON.

@MadeinSW3 I know...he looks like a bit of an idiot - but also like someone who probably has been/going to be hit with the realisation of how he has tortured and killed the best thing which has ever happened to him...on pictures with Arthur they look like friends - this absolutely kills me...and then pics of him and her together - they look like people you'd see and even without knowing why you'd want to never see/come across again

I keep hoping to hear that they’ve been attacked in prison ...please someone get to them ...

I find his character the hardest to figure out. By the sounds of it his parents were good people, his mum was a secondary school teacher, they doted on Arthur and he was well taken care of before moving to Tustins. His brothers sounded like nice uncles.as Arthur liked them and had a playful relationship with them. How can someone from a nice family become such a monster???
My only conclusion is that he was a weak, dim-witted man who fell in love and was easily manipulated. That she played on his insecurities and he felt he had to prove himself. Then over time Arthur became a threat to his relationship as Tustin kept threatening to leave him due to Arthur so he just cut off his feelings for arthur completely and listened to all her BS. He even said he got 'bored' of the constant videos. How he couldn't have stuck up for his son when things got so bad astounds me, it's something I will never understand.

That’s how I feel. How can any relationship come before your child. He looks guilty when the police arrive but doesn’t look very sad on the mug shot. Not sure what they gained from this- they should have just sent him to one of the grandparents if they couldn’t be bothered or “didn’t want him”.

She deserves the dearh penalty after her 29 years is served of course.....
Please sign
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/601972

The father knew exactly what was happening if he didn’t act when she sent him a photo showing him unconscious dying on floor nothing would make him act … instead he said End him just end him … how that dim witted bastard got away with just manslaughter I’ll never know … and why didn’t the grandmother take him for gods sake I just don’t get why the grand mother didn’t confront them she knew they were abuse bruises and sent him back .. she says she feels like she failed well yes I agree she totally failed her grandson and should be deeply ashamed as should the uncles … I just don’t get it … any normal person would have took whatever was coming just to get the boy out … once confronted they wouldn’t have called police anyway as they would’ve been scared … I really hope they have disowned Arthur’s dad and as much as Arthur’s bio mum is a waste of space too I’d like that Tunstin to face her in prison