DD's Dad just cancelled having her

[user013452]

DD due to spend the weekend at her Dad's this weekend. She stays at his 4 night a month and that's it (every other weekend). Due to go to his at 4 today. Get a text from her Dad at 3 to say he can no longer have her this weekend. Wouldn't give a reason. Eventually admitted it was because him and his wife are arguing. Her 2DC (not his) will be at their house weekend. Couldn't say when he might next be seeing her, it could be the next time she's due to stay in 2 weeks. He's also asked me to tell DD she's no longer going (as he hasn't), but has asked me not to tell her the real reason. DD is 13. Surely this is not ok? Maybe it's just me?

I'm being unreasonable- it's fine for her to miss this weekend due to her Dad and his wife not currently getting on.

I'm not being unreasonable - it's her Dad's contact weekend, his wife's DC will be there are for the sake of 48 hours they should act like adults?

What a deadbeat. I’m really sorry for your daughter.

I would tell him that if he’s dumping the responsibility for informing her onto you, he doesn’t also get to write the speech for you and you’ll be saying whatever you like thank you very much.

That's really shit of him.

Do you think they are arguing about her being there?

An you do something nice with her instead? So this is the weekend you did that instead of being the weekend her father totally failed to live up to his responsibilities.

He could still take her out and see her?

Oh what a shitbag. Your poor DD. I don't suppose there's any chance he could come take her out for lunch on day instead? Quality time with her, time away from his DW, win win, surely.

YADNBU. He’s a selfish twat.

What a shit he is, although you don't really want her sitting in an atmosphere, does he live too far away to take her out for dinner or something?

I wouldn’t lie. And I’d tell him you’re not lying for him.

I hope you and your DD have a lovely peaceful weekend together.

YANBU at all, and it’s maddening to think that there’s nothing you can do about it. Have you suggested swapping weekends over and him having her next weekend? This sometimes works with my frequently-not-great ex. (Not this time though, he was supposed to have them this weekend but we’ve got Covid, and next weekend he’s “going away”. How absolutely fucking fab for him 🙄).

is this court-ordered OP? I'd keep a record of this. He can't let your DD down like this. Compounded by him making you deliver the bad news.

Why couldn't he take her out for the day at least? What an awful dad.

On the flipside, at least your DD won't have to spend the weekend in what is probably an awful atmosphere if they are arguing.

He’s an idiot. Probably sooking up to the wife and her kids so she won’t nip his ear as theyve been arguing recently.

He’s probably thinking he’s less chance of sex unless he appeases her too.

So your kid gets the boot so he can get a shag. Nice move from a loving father. Prick.

@Mrsjayy He lives about a 10 minute car journey from us.
@crackofdoom He's working next weekend apparently!

My reply would be, "She is 13. Call and tell her yourself."

@Northernlurker I'm not sure what they've been arguing about. His wife is generally nice to my DD although when Covid first kicked off she wouldn't let her go over there for 12 weeks.

@SarahProblem No it's not court ordered!

What an arsehole. He'll probably moan his DD never visits in 30 years' time when he's old and lonely and she'll want nothing to do with him.

Oh does he well he is being an arsehole.

Please don't lie for him. Dd needs to be able to trust 1 parent...
Get a take away and have a great night yourselves!!
Smug in the knowledge he is miserable!!
Petty but satisfying!!

She's 13, she's old enough to start choosing what she wants anyway. Sorry you have to deal with this OP, what a shit bag.

The onus is on him to tell his daughter why he is letting her down for the weekend. If he wants to lie then that is on him but i definitely wouldn't be doing his dirty work for him. Useless asshole.

I wouldn't want her there in a bad atmosphere, nor would I particularly want to tell her why he's cancelling, or she's going to be uncomfortable with them next time she goes.

It's annoying, but I'd put her wellbeing first.

Why don’t he take her out for the day and bring her back at night

...but yes, he should tell his own lie.

Can he not message his daughter and tell her himself? If she has a phone. What a coward, I certainly wouldn't be lying for him. Yes he could take her out somewhere, even for a few hours.

YANBU
I have stepchildren and he is definitely being a knob.
He should have the guts to tell her that he isn;t having her.
I'd tell her whatever you think is best for her emotional wellbeing.

I would tell her the truth but factually. Tell her that her dad called, there's been a problem between him and his wife, they don't want her there this weekend.

She's 13, she's not stupid.

He’s working next weekend apparently!

Of course he fucking is 🙄. I bet he’s got a really really important job with lots of MEETINGS and everything that mysteriously only pays enough for him to contribute the bare minimum of maintenance too, or is that just mine?