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Original poster

DD's Dad just cancelled having her

228 replies

user013452 · 03/12/2021 16:12

DD due to spend the weekend at her Dad's this weekend. She stays at his 4 night a month and that's it (every other weekend). Due to go to his at 4 today. Get a text from her Dad at 3 to say he can no longer have her this weekend. Wouldn't give a reason. Eventually admitted it was because him and his wife are arguing. Her 2DC (not his) will be at their house weekend. Couldn't say when he might next be seeing her, it could be the next time she's due to stay in 2 weeks. He's also asked me to tell DD she's no longer going (as he hasn't), but has asked me not to tell her the real reason. DD is 13. Surely this is not ok? Maybe it's just me?

I'm being unreasonable- it's fine for her to miss this weekend due to her Dad and his wife not currently getting on.

I'm not being unreasonable - it's her Dad's contact weekend, his wife's DC will be there are for the sake of 48 hours they should act like adults?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 03/12/2021 17:04

What a loser.

Do NOT lie for him.

Whichnumbers · 03/12/2021 17:04

She hasn't asked why yet but I know she will and I don't really know what to say.

ask your dad, Im not sure and don't want to tell you third hand the wrong tale

What these feckle fathers don't realise is - we have such great times with our dc when they feck off doing something else

NoCauseRebel · 03/12/2021 17:08

Isn’t it amazing that these men just get to walk away whenever they like? And let’s be honest, it is generally men who do this.

Friend’s ex has just announced out of nowhere that he will no longer be able to have the kids mid-week because he’s moved a couple of hundred miles away. Oh,and he’s bought a 1 bedroom flat so they might not be able to stay when they do see him. Twat.

harveythehorse · 03/12/2021 17:10

How does your daughter feel about it? It's absolutely unacceptable and I hope she's ok. I'm not sure what you can do except for outline how his behaviour effects her and suggest you reduce access to one weekend a month if he's struggling to make the current arrangements work so that her hopes aren't regularly dashed. I would also insist that this message comes from him and he doesn't leave it to you to deliver the crushing news.

EveningOverRooftops · 03/12/2021 17:10

Him and wife arguing etc. Fair, I wouldn’t want my DC around that. However he could make arrangements to take her out for the day rather than write it off altogether.

crackofdoom · 03/12/2021 17:11

user013452
@crackofdoom* How did you know he pays the bare minimum and has never helped with school uniform, school trips or anything else she needs?!
Any reason you haven’t gone through the courts and CMS? That’s your DD’s money*

Could be the bare minimum as imposed by the CMS. Or the XP could be gaming the system in any one of the many ways men like that do. Or he could be like my ex, who pays me slightly under the minimum that even the CMS would impose, but has our son and his older half brother- who has never known another father figure- every other weekend, and simply threatened to stop seeing DS1 if I made him pay the proper amount. What a prince, eh.

MakingTheBestOfIt · 03/12/2021 17:12

Get a text from her Dad at 3 to say he can no longer have her this weekend

Jesus, he really doesn’t see parenting as his responsibility at all, does he?

I’m guessing on the (probably very rare) occasions you are unable to look after her you wouldn’t be able to text him ‘I can’t look after her for the next 4 days’ then move on with your plans without a second thought.

Helpstopthepain · 03/12/2021 17:16

He’s a coward

inmyslippers · 03/12/2021 17:19

His loss op

scooterbear · 03/12/2021 17:20

That's not on at all. At least if she can't come to the house he should take her out somewhere in the day times (if she wants to go which tbh she might not given that he has let her down). I'd be furious on DD's behalf and tbh on my own if I had plans!

Lovemusic33 · 03/12/2021 17:21

I would text back telling him you have arrangements, surely he can take dd out for a day at the very least?

I’m guessing her dc will be there because they live there? Maybe he doesn’t want dd to pick up on the bad vibe if they are arguing? I would still be annoyed though as he could still see her even if she doesn’t stay, he could take her to the cinema and out for lunch?

stmw123 · 03/12/2021 17:22

Just tell her the truth. What a bastard.

Viviennemary · 03/12/2021 17:24

I dont see why you should lie. I agree he could still take her out somewhere for the day.

spongedog · 03/12/2021 17:25

@user013452

I've told her she's no longer going to her Dad's and she rolled her eyes and went back upstairs. She hasn't asked why yet but I know she will and I don't really know what to say.

We're getting a takeaway tonight and I've just booked to take her to the cinema tomorrow. I've also arranged for us to go to her Grandparents for a roast on Sunday!!

That sounds a lovely bonus weekend!

And she will already have guessed at the real reason.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/12/2021 17:26

My reply would be, "She is 13. Call and tell her yourself."

Yes, or if you do have to tell her (so she doesn’t go round not knowing) I’d just say “oh I don’t know why, ask Dad”.

It’s really hard! I’ve got a Dd 13 and a very annoying exh. He’s much less flakey about having her than about my son (7) because she doesn’t need any real looking after Hmm

They had a crap relationship for ages until she was old enough to basically look after herself when there.

shouldistop · 03/12/2021 17:27

What an utter shit he is

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/12/2021 17:27

Sounds like you dealt with it well in the end and that you have a sensible dd

FabriqueBelgique · 03/12/2021 17:29

I would reply “I don’t get to palm off parenting responsibilities when I’ve had a bad day so neither do you. I think you should be an adult and pick your daughter up at the planned time.”

ThinWomansBrain · 03/12/2021 17:30

If the excuse that he is arguing with is wife is true, it's probably preferable that she doesn't spend the weekend there - but what a pathetic waste of space that he can't be arsed to tell her himself.
She's 13 - don't invent excuses, tell her the truth - or repeat what he has told you.
Do her kids live there all the time?

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2021 17:32

At the very least you should text back and say I'm not lying for you. If she asks why you don't want to see her this weekend I will tell her the truth.

mrsbobbelcherakalinda · 03/12/2021 17:34

What a complete bawbag

Mojoj · 03/12/2021 17:35

I'd leave my daughter in front of the telly, jump in the car and go see the useless prick. Remind him that your daughter has two parents and he doesn't get to opt out when it suits him. And I'm sure, sadly, that your daughter has his measure. Hope you both have a lovely evening

Earwigworries · 03/12/2021 17:37

I’d tell her the truth OP - pure and simple what he said without comment - at 13 she knows who he is I’m sure .

Original poster
user013452 · 03/12/2021 17:37

I did actually have plans tonight (it's very rare I do), which I've now cancelled!

Not sure what on Earth is going on as he's just text me to say he can now have her tomorrow. I've told DD and she has said she's not going. What a mess!

OP posts:
Lasair · 03/12/2021 17:38

Your poor dd. What a let down he is.