To think people really need to stop letting strangers live with their children

[PuttingOnTheKitsch]

Yet another child was murdered at the hands of a parent's "partner". There have been many, many cases of this happening, Daniel Pelka, Peter Connelley, Kyra Ishaq, the list is endless.

Yet, there will still be women on here, letting some random man move in with them and their child within six weeks and saying "Am I not allowed to have a life!?" if anyone points out that's a bad idea.

Men are just as bad, the step-parent's board was full of blokes who would dump their children on whichever woman they were seeing, while they carried on with their lives and the step mum would come on here and seethe at the poor behaviour of the children instead of understanding how distressing it must be for a young child to have a dad who foists you off on anyone.

Nobody died from not having a live-in partner.

If we truly want things to change, rather than shaking our fists at social workers, we need to look at ourselves as a wider society and stop expecting different results from the same poor behaviour.

and complain about his mother of course.

Tbf, if someone said 'my stepchild's mother is doing time for murder', I would express a certain amount of concern for the situation.

Whilst I do agree with, there will unfortunately & unbelievably always be people who abuse children. Social services & society as a whole have to take the responsibility to protect our most vulnerable.

Arthur isn’t dead because they abused him, his dead because even though people reported it, social services didn’t adequately do their job.

@PicsInRed

Realistically though, she would have been lying about him in her posts. Just like she lied to the police about his behaviour.

Of course she wouldn't say what she was doing to Arthur, but she'd complain about his (age and trauma level normal) behaviour, express her feelings of resentment, and complain about his mother of course.

And she would be comforted and encouraged for it.

Do really you think that really think that the step mum's on the forum would have suggested murder as a solution?

Arthur isn’t dead because they abused him, his dead because even though people reported it, social services didn’t adequately do their job.

Arthur is definitely dead because they abused him.

I think that if she had posted to the step parenting forum she would have been told that his behaviour was due to trauma and that she should not be dealing with it herself. She would have been told to seek professional help and support and to consider walking away. Perhaps if she had done this Arthur would still be alive.

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Obviously. But asking people just to not abuse their children please, or not let step parents abuse their children isn’t going to stop it, is it?

That’s what social services are for. If they had done their job properly, he wouldn’t be dead would he? He would of been removed way before it got to that point.

My ex didn’t understand why I objected to him calling his long-distance girlfriend of a few months (who he still has never met because of the borders closing) “DS’s stepmum”. He also implied he’d like to take our son on holiday when he’s a little older, despite having never looked after him for even a full day on his own, and it would be fine because his girlfriend would be there. 🙄

So yeah I don’t think new partners should be introduced to kids for a good period of time.
Personally I’m not sure if I’ll ever date again, it really doesn’t seem worth it, and if I ever did my son comes first.

Blended families can work, I myself have a great stepdad, but I think it’s more than reasonable to be cautious.

I’m not sure what your point is. I was addressing the false comment you made that Arthur wasn’t dead because his father and girlfriend abused him. Which is clearly, and now a proven fact of law, an untrue statement.

Lone parent here and I agree with the op. Once you have children, they have to come first. Their home is their sanctuary.

Hi all. We may have to take this thread down if the personal attacks continue - please do bear in mind the Talk guidelines when posting.

Personal attacks?

Let's not get this taken down, been some really interesting discussions going on

@BertramLacey

This thread is frankly disgusting. I am not in or from a blended family but I know many happy ones. This thread just feels like an step-parenting bashing thread. Over 50% of marriages fail... it may be yours one day.

It seems to consist of this on a loop:

P1: it's a good idea not to rush into new relationships quickly if you have children.

P2: I so agree. I am a single parent and I have sewn my vagina shut until my children are 18.

P3: Well done. Here are lots of stats saying how bad step dads are, even though the thread is at least partly about a step mum. Who wasn't really a step mum because marriage. And here are some threads. Some of them got deleted so were probably by trolls who do like to wind up Mumsnetters but let's ignore that and continue to look down on women we only just avoid describing as 4x4s.

P4: Now you're just bashing step mothers.

P5: No we're not. I've read the first post. Clearly we're just saying you need to take your time getting into relationships when you have children.

And return to P2.

I think you're right, Bertram!

P2: I so agree. I am a single parent and I have sewn my vagina shut until my children are 18.

What a grim turn of phrase…

Why is it even acceptable to say that? Ok I will say the opposite.

“All these pathetic women who can’t live without a man and foist them onto their powerless kids…”

See. That’s ok isn’t it?

See. That’s ok isn’t it?

If you were parodying the critique of stepparents on this thread, that would be about the right level.

What a grim turn of phrase

Agreed. Why make reference to women’s sex organs when we’re talking about moving people into our DCs homes, not sex?

I haven’t seen my vagina shut. I’ve had lots of casual sex down the years just no one living with me. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yip I have commented earlier on this thread that I have dated throughout my daughter growing up just don't need to force that on her