Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I over reacting or is this kid out of line calling my DD trans?

187 replies

Overreactingmom · 02/12/2021 13:14

DD is 10. Overall she is a lovely kid who gets on well at school but of course she is in year 6 so fall outs are inevitable at this age but had no serious issues, she is happy to go to school and she has no additional needs etc just so as not to drip feed.

There is a boy at school who is very popular in the year group, he is confident, sporty and from a huge family.

He has been making comments about my daughters hair for months now, calling her ginger etc and just generally making fun, always appearance related. We hadn’t really acted as she seemed to be holding her own and telling him to mind his own etc.

Last week she went into school wearing trousers rather than a skirt, cue this kid (and others) commenting that she looks like a boy, why is she wearing trousers, you look like ‘X child’ (who is on the spectrum and has always been the only girl to wear trousers in their year group which is fine ofc but they’re using this child as an insult!) and laughing about it generally. Spoke to school, she was pretty upset and teacher was fab, thought it was sorted.

Yesterday the same boy said to her (about her new school shoes) ‘why are you wearing them, you look like a boy! Are you trans?’ She also admitted he has been saying she’s going to grow up to ‘be a boy’ because of wearing trousers.

Now she’s not particularly upset over the more recent comments. But I am fuming. Aibu?

For the record - I wouldn’t care how she chose to identify as an adult but she is 10 years old and just a happy little ‘tomboy’ who wants to be warm and comfy in this freezing weather!

It’s 2021 ffs not the 50’s why can’t my daughter wear what she feels comfortable in without being picked on? I dread secondary school next year!

OP posts:
2bazookas · 03/12/2021 16:14

I'd make a formal complaint in writing to the school and insist no pupils should be subjected to this kind of genderist crap.

Do you know the boy's parents?

Arethechildreninbedyet · 03/12/2021 16:41

@Fidgetty

Don't fight a bully with bullying back. That's not s solution.

I respectfully disagree. In my experience the only way a bully truly stops is if you fight back. Any weakness is exploited. If it was my DD I'd set my scary husband on him in truth but I didn't mention that above as I know such actions never go down well on mumsnet! Grin

Whilst I wouldn't advocate setting a grown man on a child, Dad picking her up and dropping her off for a week wouldn't necessarily do any harm.

My Father and I had a terse yet close relationship and he wasn't an active part of my childhood. He did, however, pick me up every Friday from school. I was nearly 'jumped' by two of the buggers walking out of school. Who was waiting at the top of the path, albeit completely oblivious, but my Dad.

A simple turn round and point of 'my dad is there' and at that precise moment he happened to glance up and kind of get the sense something was a little amiss. They took one look at my very not scary Father and ran like the clappers in the opposite direction, never to touch me again.

This child clearly doesn't respect women, perhaps he would respect a man a little more.

Overreactingmom · 03/12/2021 21:54

Have had an email from class teacher today, the behaviour has been logged and passed on to SLT to be discussed in Monday meeting as a behavioural concern. They will decide what happens next.

My DD said the teacher spoke to him infront if her today and in her words ‘told him off but not the shouting kind, the kind where they look you dead in the eye and you know it’s really bad’

(although she’d be mortified to be in any kind of trouble at school anyway and it doesn’t sound like he was bothered in the slightest, but at least he didn’t deny it I suppose).

He did apologise when he was told to… and her teacher has stressed that she needs to come to her right away if there are any issues in future.

I can’t find it now to reply to who asked but I do know the family a little, I taught his 2 siblings and they were an absolute pleasure. His mom has always been pleasant and friendly in the past when I’ve seen her to chat to and say hi etc but we’ve never mixed as friends iykwim. (And yes - she does wear trousers almost every time I’ve seen her apart from church!)

OP posts:
skodadoda · 03/12/2021 23:51

@CounsellorTroi

Strange how nasty kids are often popular.
It’s part of the dynamic to keep on side with the nasty kid in order to avoid being a target of their nastiness.
EmeraldShamrock · 03/12/2021 23:55

What a wee arsehole with a nasty attitude.

I hope this stops. Yanbu I'd be annoyed too.

Viviennemary · 03/12/2021 23:59

I would report it to the class teacher and the head teacher as a bullying issue. And ask them what they intend to do about it.

Sometimeswinning · 04/12/2021 01:27

I'm assuming @MrsBison was bullied. Hasn't stopped you all piling has it?

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 04/12/2021 09:51

@Sometimeswinning

I'm assuming *@MrsBison* was bullied. Hasn't stopped you all piling has it?
Based on their posts elsewhere I'd assume they're being contrary for the sake of it.

I was bullied too. Doesn't mean I won't get pulled up for giving dreadful advice.

Happy1982ish · 04/12/2021 10:57

@MrsBison

Lol @ the number of prude/frigid people on this thread.

You on a thread about sex frequency yesterday that I was on.

pastypirate · 04/12/2021 11:00

@LucySullivanIsGettingMarried

I'd complain to the school again. He sounds like a nasty little shit.
This
Happy1982ish · 04/12/2021 11:04

@MrsBison

I remember in one particular example, i had excess body hair....so someone took the piss...so i got rid of it and no one brought it up again.
And was that the end of the bullying? Nothing more?
Sometimeswinning · 04/12/2021 19:40

@WorriedMumsDontSleep ah OK. I was making an assumption based on my own experience. But you're right I would never give my children that advice.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread