Am I over reacting or is this kid out of line calling my DD trans?

[Overreactingmom]

DD is 10. Overall she is a lovely kid who gets on well at school but of course she is in year 6 so fall outs are inevitable at this age but had no serious issues, she is happy to go to school and she has no additional needs etc just so as not to drip feed.

There is a boy at school who is very popular in the year group, he is confident, sporty and from a huge family.

He has been making comments about my daughters hair for months now, calling her ginger etc and just generally making fun, always appearance related. We hadn’t really acted as she seemed to be holding her own and telling him to mind his own etc.

Last week she went into school wearing trousers rather than a skirt, cue this kid (and others) commenting that she looks like a boy, why is she wearing trousers, you look like ‘X child’ (who is on the spectrum and has always been the only girl to wear trousers in their year group which is fine ofc but they’re using this child as an insult!) and laughing about it generally. Spoke to school, she was pretty upset and teacher was fab, thought it was sorted.

Yesterday the same boy said to her (about her new school shoes) ‘why are you wearing them, you look like a boy! Are you trans?’ She also admitted he has been saying she’s going to grow up to ‘be a boy’ because of wearing trousers.

Now she’s not particularly upset over the more recent comments. But I am fuming. Aibu?

For the record - I wouldn’t care how she chose to identify as an adult but she is 10 years old and just a happy little ‘tomboy’ who wants to be warm and comfy in this freezing weather!

It’s 2021 ffs not the 50’s why can’t my daughter wear what she feels comfortable in without being picked on? I dread secondary school next year!

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

What the actual fuck?!

You must be on a wind up. Why should she wear trousers just to please a narrow minded boy??

Id escalate to the school as both bullying and transpobia and at a minimum id expect them to do an assembly on bulling and diversity. Id habe ot as a conversation and follow it up with an email, cc-ing ofsted.

This is bullying, no more no less.
I really thought progress for women would look more like wearing whatever clothes you want or hair length you like without it meaning anything more than clothes or hair.
The suggestion that your DD wears what the little twat she's at school with thinks she should wear 'because she's a girl' is by far the stupidest thing I have heard for some time.

Cross post - see you weren't joking. That is a bit of a worry. Hope she continues to wear trousers in this freezing and the other girls join her. If he didn't try to bully her for this, it would just be something else.

I’d say the OP’s son had every right to wear a skirt to school but that she should be very wary of idiots claiming that that made him a girl.

But women & girls have been wearing trousers for years. If this child has views so stupid and regressive that he thinks every female in trousers is trans, then he must believe that of almost every woman or girl he sees.

but she is 10 years old and just a happy little ‘tomboy’ who wants to be warm and comfy in this freezing weather!

She’s a “Tom boy” because she chooses to wear trousers?

@MrsBison

Do whats best for your daughter and not whats right.

Best for her daughter = daughter wearing trousers as is her right

Whatever anyone's views on the trans debate, this boy is bullying this girl and he is the one who should be modifying his behaviour in this situation - not her.

Your comment is ridiculous.

It shouldn't be a big issue. Just stay out of it. Tell your daughter to ignore him or tell him he is being ignorant and sexist.

Lets switch the scenario slightly. What if the OPs son wore a skirt to school and people took the Mickey? Surely youd agree in this scenario, that the son could just wear trousers to resolve the issue right?

Except that most women and girls wear trousers most of the time - especially in winter. Whereas boys wearing skirts is rather unusual. No excuse for bullying but it wouldn't be the norm.

mrs bison come out from under your rock the war is over and it’s 2021 now

Trousers are warmer and more practical.
Definitely raise with school (I would put in writing as it's not the first time).

Yes the boy is out of order for:

-persistently commenting negatively on your daughter's appearance.

-parading lazy old stereotypes about what boys/girls are "supposed" to wear.

He's a bully, and a boring unoriginal one at that. Pursue this thoroughly with the school.

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

That doesn't stop a bully, they just pick on another aspect.

This boy sounds like he has issues with boundaries. Whatever his motivation for this behaviour, the effect of what he is doing is bullying and needs to be addressed. Speak to the teacher.

He sounds like a nasty little shit. He’s a bully. Definitely back in contact with the school.

I'd email teacher and complain. Put it in writing back you've got a paper trail. Say it's escalating and ask for a phone call back re what they plan on doing next.

For God's sake he's just a stupid bully, what she wears is a complete side issue, he's picking on whatever he thinks will get a reaction. Good for her for standing up for herself, in the meantime go into the school and tell them he's still doing it.

Issue 1 is that the boy is bullying your child.
Issue 2 is that the boy is using trans as a slur, which is completely unacceptable.

The school needs to come down on both issues and not mix them up. Two major things.

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

Because with a little shit like this, he'd just pick on something else about her.

Poor your DD, she should wear whatever she want.

The boy is a horrid bully. And it seems like he is using trans as an insult so he is also transphobic. Definitely report this to the school.

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

Good grief.

The girl wants to wear trousers.
The boy is bullying her.

Your idea is for her to submit to his will

Giving in to his behavior is an object lesson how to fuck up your daughter. Plus it sends a clear message that he can fuck with girls and get away with it.

Possibly the worst “advice” ever given on MN.

Does this kid never see women in trousers outside school? Trousers are clearly also permitted school uniform for girls. In addition to all the other recommendations to escalate within school and get them to hand his nasty bullying little arse to him on a plate, could your daughter get a bunch of her friends to start wearing trousers too?

This sort of thing makes me livid. My Dd has been getting very cold on school and I've just this week persuaded her to wear school trousers with long socks under. I explained that women weren't always allowed to wear trousers, we talked about riding side saddle, and how trousers are much more practical. If this boy came along, I'd be livid. I hope my Dd learns to deal with things like this as well as your daughter has, op. Personally I think school uniforms should all be changed to trousers only. There's no need for skirts.

I remember other kids trying to bully me at school for wearing trousers and having short hair, depressing that this is still going on decades later. He sounds horrible, but I guess when you've still got grown adults who think it's a valid response to a girl wearing trousers then no wonder.

Loads of girls wear trousers at dd's school. What an odd thing to comment about. I would mention it to school again. He sounds very insecure that he needs to bully people like this.