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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I over reacting or is this kid out of line calling my DD trans?

187 replies

Overreactingmom · 02/12/2021 13:14

DD is 10. Overall she is a lovely kid who gets on well at school but of course she is in year 6 so fall outs are inevitable at this age but had no serious issues, she is happy to go to school and she has no additional needs etc just so as not to drip feed.

There is a boy at school who is very popular in the year group, he is confident, sporty and from a huge family.

He has been making comments about my daughters hair for months now, calling her ginger etc and just generally making fun, always appearance related. We hadn’t really acted as she seemed to be holding her own and telling him to mind his own etc.

Last week she went into school wearing trousers rather than a skirt, cue this kid (and others) commenting that she looks like a boy, why is she wearing trousers, you look like ‘X child’ (who is on the spectrum and has always been the only girl to wear trousers in their year group which is fine ofc but they’re using this child as an insult!) and laughing about it generally. Spoke to school, she was pretty upset and teacher was fab, thought it was sorted.

Yesterday the same boy said to her (about her new school shoes) ‘why are you wearing them, you look like a boy! Are you trans?’ She also admitted he has been saying she’s going to grow up to ‘be a boy’ because of wearing trousers.

Now she’s not particularly upset over the more recent comments. But I am fuming. Aibu?

For the record - I wouldn’t care how she chose to identify as an adult but she is 10 years old and just a happy little ‘tomboy’ who wants to be warm and comfy in this freezing weather!

It’s 2021 ffs not the 50’s why can’t my daughter wear what she feels comfortable in without being picked on? I dread secondary school next year!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 02/12/2021 14:30

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

@MrsBison do you also think she should dye her hair so that it isn't red anymore?
FreeBritnee · 02/12/2021 14:31

Yep. Back to the school.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 02/12/2021 14:33

DDs school had an assembly on "hate crimes" yesterday. Apparently pretty much anything which may offend could count (good luck policing that) but oddly, misogyny was brushed over very, very quickly. What a surprise

diddl · 02/12/2021 14:33

Oddest thing to me is that so few girls wear trousers that it marks them out as different!

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 02/12/2021 14:34

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

it was minus fucking 5 when I walked my daughter to school on Monday, in trousers because it's too fucking cold to wear a skirt in this weather. What's best for my daughter is to not freeze
Joystir59 · 02/12/2021 14:35

Trans ideology is taking us back back back! So depressing to hear of girls being stereotyped like this

Firstworddinosaur · 02/12/2021 14:36

What century does this bully live in???

Joystir59 · 02/12/2021 14:36

I used to get called a boy in the sixties. Can't believe this shit still happening now.

lifeturnsonadime · 02/12/2021 14:45

I think Mrs Bison is being deliberately provocative and it worked!

OP my daughter is autistic and also was the only girl in school to wear trousers. She is now educated away from school as the bullying over her sensory issues was unreal and it wasn't the best environment for her.

I'm secretly relieved. She would have been a target for this stereotyping nonsense that has led girls believe they are not girls. Being autistic she would have been particularly vulnerable.

I would, as others have suggested, complain to the school about this boy's behaviour.

Bookworm20 · 02/12/2021 14:45

MrsBison

<strong>Why give people the ammo though?</strong>

<strong>Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.</strong>

Well I think we've discovered who the little shits mother is.

zoemum2006 · 02/12/2021 14:45

FFS this is so annoying. Both my girls have always worn trousers because they are warm and comfortable and freeing.

A few girls initially made comments like 'you look like a boy' but my girls shrugged and the others got used to it.

This however is appalling. It sounds like bullying and potential discrimination and I'd raise it again with the school because its a really hostile environment for your daughter to be in.

RobotValkyrie · 02/12/2021 14:46

I think this may qualify as transphobic harassment (on top of the obvious misogyny). Doesn't matter if your daughter is trans or not.

Discrimination (e.g. bullying) on the basis of a protected characteristic is forbidden by the Equality Act. Doesn't matter whether the victim is actually gay, pregnant, Jewish, etc., the law kicks in as soon as the perpetrator targets the characteristic itself.

If it happened in a workplace, this would go straight to HR.

zoemum2006 · 02/12/2021 14:46

@MrsBison

What a stupid comment. Women wear trousers all the time. This isn't the 1920s.

FOJN · 02/12/2021 14:51

Well I think we've discovered who the little shits mother is.

Mother? Hmm

wavingwhilstdrowning · 02/12/2021 14:51

This sexist nonsense is what comes from the current lunacy that is PSHE

DysmalRadius · 02/12/2021 14:53

He was already bullying her before she wore trousers - a victim of abuse is not responsible for putting an end to it, that's what the teachers are there for.

MushMonster · 02/12/2021 14:56

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

This is sarcasm, right? I almost spit my tea!
lunarlandscape · 02/12/2021 14:58

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

No no no. Problem magnified not sorted. Girls - do as you are told by men who mock you.

I don't think so.

MrsRussell · 02/12/2021 14:58

My DS has shoulder length hair, it suits him, he doesn't want to have it cut.
Someone followed him into the toilets when he first started at secondary school and said he was in the wrong toilets, he was a girl.

He frequently gets asked in class "if he likes boys or girls".

He's 11. There's some dickheads out there...We've reported it to the school and apparently "it was a joke, DS misunderstood it but it's all sorted out and they're friends now".
Yeah right.

MrsBison · 02/12/2021 14:58

Hang on, I was also a child once and was bullied in primary school by 1 person....

Sometimes, its best to try and avoid giving bullies ammo is all i was trying to say. (Teacher/school intervention never worked.)

Lets please not turn this into a gender related argument regarding right to wear what we want. I completely agree. But im just coming at this, from a how to help the daughter POV.

SpeckledHen266 · 02/12/2021 15:00

Sexism is getting worse and worse, it really was getting better for a bit. I heard some schools had talks where they had a barbie at one end and a GI Joe at the other, asking children to figure out where on the gender spectrum they are....
I'd ask the school about any PSHE Sexist stereotypes that have been taught. Girls can do anything is a great book that I would suggest they read in assembly or out loud to the classes sometime. If it was my childrens school I'd happily donate that book if budget couldn't allow. Or maybe there's readings on yourube?! Would be good to read to your daughter too.

I'd probably encourage mine to point out his mum wears trousers (of course she does - I've never seen a woman only wear skirts and dresses) and laugh 'haha your mums a man then'. He won't like it and hopefully challenge him to realise what absolute bollocks he's talking about.

MrsBison · 02/12/2021 15:00

I remember in one particular example, i had excess body hair....so someone took the piss...so i got rid of it and no one brought it up again.

pigsDOfly · 02/12/2021 15:01

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

God almighty!

Perhaps the OP should teach her daughter to go through life keeping her head down and giving in to every nasty little arsehole that makes her feel like shit about herself.

Anything for a quiet life eh MrsBison?

toomuchlaundry · 02/12/2021 15:01

You need to report every incident to school. I'm not sure but I think school might have to report incidents like this.

Check out the safeguarding policy on the school website. This will fall within peer on peer abuse, school need to deal with it.

You do not need to make your DD wear a skirt, they need to stop this boy. They need to educate the other children to not support this boy's attitudes, no banter, no boys will be boys.

Livpool · 02/12/2021 15:02

@MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

Seriously?!

I usually wear jeans -should point and laugh at me

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