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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
OhGiveUp · 02/12/2021 10:10

I would end up giving the voucher away, I hate Costa coffee.
I'd be less than impressed at being given one.

Flowers500 · 02/12/2021 10:14

What a shitty, thoughtless gift.

Idea for an action plan: make this your group go to place for the next few months and spend the voucher seeing each other as a group. Re-collect the money and get the originally planned gift. If (Costa buying) friend says she doesn’t want to stump up twice, then she can sit on the sidelines like a twat while you do the present between you two.

AdobeWanKenobi · 02/12/2021 10:16

Costa gift cards are not refundable.

gifting.costa.co.uk/faqs

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/12/2021 10:17

I think the discount offer element sounds suspicious too. Friend can take the others' £60, only add in a fiver herself and then present an £80 voucher.

Why would you be so insistent that it had to be that voucher - especially when the rest/majority of the group have agreed on what the recipient would most like? It's hardly like a voucher takes a lot of effort - it's already the easy option - so why would she care so much about eschewing a voucher from Shop A (which the recipient would like, regardless of whether she deems it an acceptable 'treat') in favour of a voucher from Shop B, which the recipient isn't especially interested in anyway?

She reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons, where Homer gave Marge (not a particular bowling fan) a bowling ball as her 'present' - with holes drilled to fit his fingers and with his name engraved in it. He believed a bowling ball to be an ideal present, so why not, eh?

TatianaBis · 02/12/2021 10:20

[quote AdobeWanKenobi]Costa gift cards are not refundable.

gifting.costa.co.uk/faqs[/quote]
I think it’s worth trying to plead special circumstances and see what happens.

user1471538283 · 02/12/2021 10:20

I don't understand the concern that she would have spent the other better voucher on essentials - does this matter? You give a gift and the person spends it how they see fit.

I would be upset at this as well - she didn't think to check you all thought this was okay.

£80 on Costa - that would take me years to use up!

TatianaBis · 02/12/2021 10:20

On top of everything else Costa food and coffee is absolutely vile.

Beautiful3 · 02/12/2021 10:22

£80 Costa voucher!!! Would have been better giving her a twenty pound voucher, with £50 cash in a card. Wtf is she going to do with £80 voucher for a coffee shop! If she's like me she'll probably cut back on cakes and hot drinks, in the new year too!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/12/2021 10:23

Love coffee, hate Costa....

Overpriced pisch...

I would on no account think of this as a treat. I'd find it an unpleasant obligation.

I'd be really put out that you'd agreed to x and idiot pal bought y.

She should either get a refund... Or if she can't buy the expected gift out of her own pocket and use the boring coffee voucher herself.

sonjadog · 02/12/2021 10:23

What she can do with the voucher is spend it herself every time she goes to Costa Coffee. If she thinks it is such a great gift, she will be able to use it up herself, right?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/12/2021 10:23

We've probably all given a generic £5 'obligation gift' to somebody we don't know that well (or maybe see that often), fully expecting it to go unused and/or regifted; but £80 - and for a close friend?!

This is a classic case of a mean, controlling thing being dressed up as a nice thing - and then expecting the 'victim' to then either feign gratitude or become the 'unreasonable' one if they don't.

Beautiful3 · 02/12/2021 10:24

Could you sell the voucher for £50, to give her £50 cash?! I know you lose £20, but it's better than the alternative.

Flowers500 · 02/12/2021 10:26

It’s on your friend who acted like a total tit to sort this out

DaisyNGO · 02/12/2021 10:34

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I think the discount offer element sounds suspicious too. Friend can take the others' £60, only add in a fiver herself and then present an £80 voucher.

Why would you be so insistent that it had to be that voucher - especially when the rest/majority of the group have agreed on what the recipient would most like? It's hardly like a voucher takes a lot of effort - it's already the easy option - so why would she care so much about eschewing a voucher from Shop A (which the recipient would like, regardless of whether she deems it an acceptable 'treat') in favour of a voucher from Shop B, which the recipient isn't especially interested in anyway?

She reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons, where Homer gave Marge (not a particular bowling fan) a bowling ball as her 'present' - with holes drilled to fit his fingers and with his name engraved in it. He believed a bowling ball to be an ideal present, so why not, eh?

Definitely something like this happened, or she got it as a gift herself.

Or even came by it from other means - we had an neighbour who got sent a gift card by her granny to her old address! Someone would have easily opened that envelope and kept it.

What about if you all agree to get friend a proper gift and use the gift card to buy regular hot drinks for local homeless people? Don't leave the buying friend in charge of that of course - she won't actually do it.

BourbonScreams · 02/12/2021 10:37

So she thought it was such a great gift for your friend that she overruled the rest of you to buy it but is baffled as to what she would do with it if she keeps it? I'd be pissed off, it wasn't her money to waste.

Chocaholic9 · 02/12/2021 10:38

Wow. That is a shit present.

2022HereWeCome · 02/12/2021 10:40

Wow just wow. I thought you were going to say £20 had been spent on a costa card - but £80! No one, but no one, would buy someone a birthday gift for £80 at a coffee shop ... I agree with others and think there has to be more to it than meets the eye ...

I would be insisting that your money is given back and then you can at least buy your friend a more sensible voucher

AdobeWanKenobi · 02/12/2021 10:42

I think it’s worth trying to plead special circumstances and see what happens

They will not deviate. Everyone tries a sob story.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/12/2021 10:45

Is this the friend?

CaptaNoctem · 02/12/2021 10:51

That's a horrible gift. If I was given it I wouldn't even use it

amysaurus87 · 02/12/2021 10:59

I love Costa, but even I'd be upset with an £80 voucher for them...I'd much rather a voucher of that kind of value for John Lewis!

BruceAndNosh · 02/12/2021 10:59

@toolazytothinkofausername

Yanbu! £80 Costa voucher is a shit present.

Should have bought £20 Costa voucher and £60 shopping voucher.

That's a reasonable balance
Gearedtoyou · 02/12/2021 11:06

I dont see why Costa Coffee is better than spending it on household stuff, but I couldn't get furious about this.

I generally take the view that if someone else will do it, whatever they do is fine.

GatoradeMeBitch · 02/12/2021 11:09

An £80 Costa voucher really shouldn't be a thing! I would be a bit shocked to receive that as a present. £80 worth of coffee and cake? She's going to have that card in her wallet all year.

EdgeOfTheSky · 02/12/2021 11:14

£80 Costa voucher is a shit gift. Who wants to be obliged to go to Costa for multiple visits? It isn’t even much of a treat.

And the attitude that it is a ‘risk’ that she wouldn’t buy treats is patronising.

However, I wouldn’t bust up a friendship group over this, if that looks like a risk.

Fair enough to state that you aren’t happy with the change of plan, but what’s done is done and I would find an alternative way to support your friend.

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