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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 02/12/2021 08:51

£80 between 3 people seems an odd amount Grin is that the TOTAL present or are there extras (to make it up to £90, then I will be happier!)

But you are NBU, that is a rubbish present. It seems like someone who has just gone into the nearest place they could find and got a voucher. Very odd.

JaceLancs · 02/12/2021 08:51

£80 is a strange amount
If friend bought it on the recent deal it was £5 top up for every £20
I bought a £60 voucher to get £75 so £80 would be £100

thisplaceisweird · 02/12/2021 08:51

The only way this gift would be acceptable is if the person gets at least 1 or 2 coffees every day from Costa and complains about how much they spend on it and are otherwise impossible to buy for. Then I would understand.

How are you resolving this OP?

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/12/2021 08:52

[quote JustLyra]@GertietheGherkin I’ve made my feelings known. The other person who chipped in is away atm, but I’ve said that I feel the voucher we agreed on (which can be used in any shop in the shopping centre where we live so could be used in a coffee shop if friend wanted, or could be used where she usually gets her nails done, or equally could be used for essentials if it’s needed) should be bought by the friend. That’s what our money was given for.

The reply was “Then what would I do with an £80 Costa voucher?”[/quote]
"The reply was “Then what would I do with an £80 Costa voucher?”"

My response would be 'You bought it, you keep it. It was your decision to buy it and not the agreed voucher, so it's yours, to pay for and to use yourself.'

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 02/12/2021 08:52

Sorry, I cross posted about the £80 (so slow at writing)

LucySullivanIsGettingMarried · 02/12/2021 08:55

I would be annoyed too. Reminds me of a thread on here once where a collection took place and one of the friends was a MLM rep so decided to use the collection money to buy a 'gift basket' of toiletries from her MLM company.

Annonymiss123 · 02/12/2021 08:56

I love coffee, live next to a Costa and would absolutely hate to receive an €80 Costa voucher.

Bizarre.

SofaKingKnotBovvered · 02/12/2021 08:59

@RockinHorseShit , of course its done. No business is going to refund money for a voucher
They know the OP is pissed off and haven't offered to re-pay it so what now ?
fall out or accept that its happened and never hand over any money again

Eddielzzard · 02/12/2021 09:01

Not on. She should go and buy the voucher you all agreed and she'll have to work out WTF to do with a bloody costa voucher that nobody in the world would want.

Welcometothejingles · 02/12/2021 09:01

Why didn't they get a tassimo then? Only £30 in curry's atm or direct from the Tassimo website for £45 with 6 packs of pods.

LadyLaSnack · 02/12/2021 09:01

If she bought the card during the offer period, then the only way she could have bought an £80 card is by only spending £65. I'd be questioning if this then means that the 'small present' intended with the rest of the kitty money can now be a bigger present.

LadyWithLapdog · 02/12/2021 09:04

@LucySullivanIsGettingMarried

I would be annoyed too. Reminds me of a thread on here once where a collection took place and one of the friends was a MLM rep so decided to use the collection money to buy a 'gift basket' of toiletries from her MLM company.
That’s...grim.
Legoisthebest · 02/12/2021 09:05

I would quite like an £80 Costa voucher. I don't go there that much as they are quite expensive. A toastie, pot of tea, bag of crisps and a cake can easily come to a tenner so £80 wouldn't last long. 2 or 3 months and gone. I often fancy a hot chocolate on a cold winters night while waiting for the train home but often can't justify the cost.
Yep. I'd be perfectly happy with that as a gift.

RockinHorseShit · 02/12/2021 09:07

@RockinHorseShit , of course its done. No business is going to refund money for a voucher

No it isn't. A refund is worth a try given it's been refunded to the purchaser. If no joy, friend needs to suck it up & correct this fuck up out of her own pocket. She might actually learn that way not to think she has a right to override others decisions & do what she likes

SoItWas · 02/12/2021 09:08

"It's not a great gift, but it's not awful enough to be furious about, it's not like she got a weight watchers subscription or something. You are the one turning a misstep or difference of opinion into a drama."

Not a drama, not a difference of opinion, but it was a pretty big mistep. £80 is a lot of money, to spend on a shit present!

ItIsMyName · 02/12/2021 09:08

From your previous comments your birthday friend isn’t a coffee fiend therefore I would be very disappointed to receive this as a gift and wonder if my friends actually knew me at all!

MenaiMna · 02/12/2021 09:09

Did she buy it on the 29th where she would have got an extra £5 for every £20 spent on a voucher. Then she's only spent £65 of the money and made a wee profit for herself there. Is she the type?
It's a bit mean to give a Costa voucher because how's she going to spend it? With her friends...so you've just made her buy you all coffee with her gift.

Welcometothejingles · 02/12/2021 09:10

Can you buy a tassimo machine from Costa and packs of coffee? As that might be one way of rectifying the situation.

Jumpingintochristmas · 02/12/2021 09:11

I agree with you @JustLyra, the decision shouldn’t have been changed. Our local shopping centre has a Costa, I would never use it! I would however have loved £80 to treat myself in John Lewis… be that perfume, make up or something for the home it’s still a treat. I put my last lot of vouchers towards expensive bedding, it brings me great joy. Costa would make my heart sink.

Original poster
JustLyra · 02/12/2021 09:11

@Welcometothejingles

Can you buy a tassimo machine from Costa and packs of coffee? As that might be one way of rectifying the situation.
For me that wouldn’t rectify anything. Our friend isn’t a coffee fiend so buying her a coffee machine would be a random present.
OP posts:
SoItWas · 02/12/2021 09:14

"If costa-buying friend refuses to replace with what you were actually going to buy I would get the original voucher between you and other friend.
. If you usually buy for each others birthdays don't give anything for costa buying friend when her birthday comes around and she can keep the voucher!"

This is a good idea, since she liked the voucher idea so much, she can have it as her^ gift.

FOJN · 02/12/2021 09:15

I'd be more bothered that your Costa gift card buying friend thinks she can decide what someone else should spend a birthday gift card on. If you give a gift card rather than a physical gift then it's up to the recipient what they spend it on.

Original poster
JustLyra · 02/12/2021 09:15

Did she buy it on the 29th where she would have got an extra £5 for every £20 spent on a voucher. Then she's only spent £65 of the money and made a wee profit for herself there. Is she the type?

No, I don’t think so.

Though, I wouldn’t have said she was the type to change the plan without chatting so who knows.

OP posts:
PoorTess · 02/12/2021 09:16

YABU to be "absolutely furious", because it doesn't merit fury, or rage, or being "livid", or any of the other MN overreactions.

YAalsoBU to have a "friend group" unless you're about 14.

However, YANBU to say that it's a shit present and to be fed up with your friend for buying a shit present on behalf of all of you. Costa is the Macdonalds of the coffee world - awful coffee, sticky floors, scuzzy tables and chairs and loos. Plus I once saw a staff member use the same cloth to clean the floor of the loo, then wipe the food preparation surface 🤮

rookiemere · 02/12/2021 09:17

Who usually does the present buying OP? Maybe person is just fed up with always having to do the donkey work, but I do agree that a Costa voucher is an odd choice < although I did get a £100 Costa voucher for my old boss with the donations as she bloody loves Costa and would spend that in a month>.

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