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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
Bogeyes · 02/12/2021 08:23

Looks like you will all be meeting in Costa so your unfortunate birthday friend will be obliged to treat the group to coffees. What a shit gift! I can't believe this. (something fishy here...did your friend win this 80 quid Costa card and is passing it on)?

GrandmasCat · 02/12/2021 08:24

I would resent that voucher big time, it would pay only for a thing I could easily afford but didn’t need and wasn’t a gift.

Having said that I also resented the blooming M&S vouchers as I always had to put a good amount of extra money to buy things I wouldn’t have wanted to buy otherwise.

In the middle of my divorce process I was given a voucher for WHSmith… Jesus! I thought, I never ever buy books full price! I know it was the perfect gift for the person who bought it in behalf of the group but it wasn’t for me. Or so I thought as ending up so out of pocket that year the only indulgence that year was go to WHSmith to buy an overpriced magazine I liked and reading it at the park with a Boots’ meal deal. Grin
Now, that wouldn’t apply these days when I have access to the same info online for free.

But a voucher for Costa… WTAF?

AlexaIWillNeverSayDucking · 02/12/2021 08:27

It's not a great gift, but it's not awful enough to be furious about, it's not like she got a weight watchers subscription or something. You are the one turning a misstep or difference of opinion into a drama.

RockinHorseShit · 02/12/2021 08:31

Unfortunately, it's done now OP,

It isn't done at all, people wonder why there's so many CFers in this world. They are there because they get away with it time & again.

Your friend either returns the voucher for a refund, or she replaces the money to buy the agreed voucher out of her own pocket. Maybe then she'll learn that she has no right to override an agreed present decision & spend other peoples money on what she decides

Bimblybomeyelash · 02/12/2021 08:31

I think it’s a shitty present. And that the buyer has made a shitty choice. But there was no malice behind it. I think your reaction seems disproportionate. Describing it as ‘out of order’ seems weird to me.

TheOccupier · 02/12/2021 08:32

£80 isn't even divisible by 3! How much have you each contributed?

Bogeyes · 02/12/2021 08:36

I smell a rat

IWasFunBeforeMum · 02/12/2021 08:36

I can't stand people dictating what vouchers to buy in case I spend it on what they deem 'not treating myself'. My MIL refuses to buy me tk maxx vouchers (I like that I can visit home sense too) and one major reason I like a tk voucher is it's open til 8pm so I can go when kids asleep. So every year she refuses saying no you'll buy stuff for the house or clothing for the kids, like it's any of her business! So every year I get a Zara voucher and I hate the prices and quality of Zara. Urgh.

SpritzingAperol · 02/12/2021 08:36

It isn't done at all, people wonder why there's so many CFers in this world. They are there because they get away with it time & again.

Seriously is this a CF thread? With a CF getting away with it time and again??!!!

This is a good friend who's done something daft!

mugglenutmeg · 02/12/2021 08:37

£80 at Costa - what an impractical and thoughtless gift. Sends the message that nobody can be arsed to even try and get her a decent gift with some thought. Poor woman.

Original poster
JustLyra · 02/12/2021 08:38

Thanks for all the replies.

I’m now curious about this promotion that was on. I don’t think she’d be cheeky enough to pocket cash like that, but will check.

For those asking about why my other friend is uncontactable - she’s not, but I’m not going to bother her while she’s away on a break away.

The voucher we agreed to buy could have been spent on coffee and cake. Equally it could have spent on hair, nails, make up, clothes, shoes or a multitude of other things in any number of places.

OP posts:
Comingup · 02/12/2021 08:39

I'd be gutted to receive this. Everything there is in there is so overpriced anyway and the drinks are nasty, total waste of money especially for someone who needs it for other things.

Bogeyes · 02/12/2021 08:39

If I got this present I would invite the group to Costa. Buy everybody what they wanted then declare that I didn't drink coffee. It gives me headaches!

BertramLacey · 02/12/2021 08:40

friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed.

OK, I'm not picking on your grammar, because mine isn't perfect, but help me out with this. Do you mean 'friend is going to have to kit a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly. The other agreed.' Or 'friend is going to have to kit a house from top to bottom. Rather unexpectedly the other agreed.' Because if you weren't expecting the friend to agree to this gift, it's not that much of a surprise that she messed up.

And yes, I'd be annoyed at the choice of gift. Over the last half century I haven't managed to spend £80 in Costa so I can't see myself doing this before I peg it, let alone before a voucher runs out. As pp have said I suspect there is a financial gain here for your friend in some way. I'd stop buying jointly with her because she can't be trusted to get decent gifts and she's probably scamming in some way.

CSJobseeker · 02/12/2021 08:40

@SpindlesWinterWhorl

Are you sure she didn't have an unused Costa voucher lying and around and thought she'd cash it in, in this way?

I don't mean she'd actually have an 80 quid Costa voucher in that exact amount lying about - more like, say, a 50 quid one one, and she's made it up to the 80?

It's just such a random decision.

Yeah this. Buying a Costa voucher for someone who isn't really into Costa coffee is too much of a random decision. I'd be thinking she's trying to pull a fast one.
RockinHorseShit · 02/12/2021 08:40

This is a good friend who's done something daft!

No, this is a good friend who decided to override a joint decision & spend other peoples money on HER choice of gift. She may well feel daft about it now, but she made that decision regardless & that is cheeky fuckery & she needs to fix her "mistake" because nobody accidentally buys a friggin £80 coffee gift card 🙄

FairFuming · 02/12/2021 08:42

Wow! Could she not have done next or TK max or some shit that would actually be useful? I was in your friends position earlier this year and a friend gave me money to get myself a treat so I bought an IKEA unit for putting my Telly on and storing the kids toys in. I was much happier with that then I would have been a dress or a years supply of over priced coffee. It took the stress off me and it was useful and most Importantly it's something I wanted. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
JustLyra · 02/12/2021 08:43

@Bimblybomeyelash

I think it’s a shitty present. And that the buyer has made a shitty choice. But there was no malice behind it. I think your reaction seems disproportionate. Describing it as ‘out of order’ seems weird to me.
I think when three of you make a decision together and then one unilaterally changes that decision without any discussion, then presents it as a done deal is out of order.
OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 02/12/2021 08:44

Bizarre.

Is the voucher non-refundable? I hope not. Friend should get it refunded and buy the voucher you all agreed on that can be used in different places.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 02/12/2021 08:45

I've been known to buy a Costa/Starbucks or wherever voucher if I know someone frequents there... Usually for £10. Enough for coffee and a butty when out and about. £80 is weird though. I don't have anything against Costa and do go there sometimes. I've probably spent less than £50 there over the past 3 or so years. I also tend to order from Uber Eats so couldn't even use the voucher anyway!

Uber Eats/Just Eat/Deliveroo vouchers have been appreciated in the past. I'd only ever buy for someone I know would like it though!

FluffyBooBoo · 02/12/2021 08:46

How much money did you put into the gift card?

Original poster
JustLyra · 02/12/2021 08:48

For those saying they £80 isn’t divisible by three - as I said we agreed to buy a voucher and a small gift. The £80 was the voucher amount.

OP posts:
FrazzledY9Parent · 02/12/2021 08:49

It's certainly not what I would have chosen or would want to receive but is it worth souring your friendship over? You've been clear you are not happy - I would now try to accept that your friend messed up (as we all do from time to time) and move on. In ten years' time none of this will matter (or even be remembered) but you might be glad to still have a good friend in your life.

thevassal · 02/12/2021 08:50

Even if Costa wasn't a terrible present (it is) then it is still really rude for you all to agree something and then 1 person to decide they know better. And how bizarre to get something she has admitted she wouldn't be impressed with herself!

If costa-buying friend refuses to replace with what you were actually going to buy I would get the original voucher between you and other friend.
. If you usually buy for each others birthdays don't give anything for costa buying friend when her birthday comes around and she can keep the voucher! That way you haven't lost out overall and if she was happy enough to give it as a present she should be happy enough to receive it!

Tulipomania · 02/12/2021 08:50

Wow, I'd much rather have a Costa voucher than one for TK Maxx.

I think of Costa as an expensive treat, and would enjoy that.

£80 is quite a lot for that though.