Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
TolkiensFallow · 02/12/2021 07:42

I’ve never been to Costa. I’d certainly be peeved if a friend made this decision.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 02/12/2021 07:43

Tbh I'd be frustrated that the friend had made a unilateral decision for a group spend but I think intent is important. Her thinking was well intentioned and the recipient can enjoy free coffees for a long time. Maybe just try to go with it especially since you've had such a long and good friendship.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 02/12/2021 07:43

That is a really lazy gift....£20 in Costa fair enough but as expensive as they are, no-one needs that much to spend in costa

Sexnotgender · 02/12/2021 07:45

That is a really shit present. Costa is crap!

I’m not sure there’s much you can do without ruining your friendship.

CharityDingle · 02/12/2021 07:45

I would hate eighty quid of Costa, or any other coffee shop either.
Friend needs to sort this, and get a voucher that would be useful, instead.

TractorAndHeadphones · 02/12/2021 07:46

The £80 is not the point m. The point is you gave her money to buy X and she bought Y. She’s probably got some sort of discount is it’s such a bizarre thing to do.
Tell her to give your money back!

FreedomFaith · 02/12/2021 07:48

The reply was “Then what would I do with an £80 Costa voucher?”

That's her problem. She shouldn't have decided to go against everyone's wishes. I'd be demanding my money back from her regardless, cheeky stupid woman.

TheCreamCaker · 02/12/2021 07:51

That's an absolutely crap "present". No thought at all went into that. I'd be very disappointed if someone got me something like that.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/12/2021 07:51

Absolute livid Hmm YABU

Mildly annoying yes

Sciurus83 · 02/12/2021 07:55

Ugh!! What the hell, eighty fucking quid in Costa is torture. Tepid coffee flavoured milk buckets, cardboard sandwiches and overpriced soggy cake, it will do if I need a drive thru with the toddler but that is not a nice treat at all. And she needs things for a new house, eighty quid is massive and could buy something lovely she could keep and use for years. I'd be raging, I don't think you can return them either, YANBU at all but I'm not sure what you can actually do at this point except never trust terrible taste control freak friend again. Could you get the other voucher and spend the costa one together over several visits so you get the money "back" in dishwater coffee and crap snacks?

SoItWas · 02/12/2021 07:55

I would be baffled to be given an £80 costa voucher.

Voucher buying friend, should never ever be in charge of buying vouchers again!

dottiedodah · 02/12/2021 07:57

Seems a bit odd to me! Surely she must have realised that she is making an arbitary decision for the rest of you? I mean Costa is hardly a "treat" (My Sis wont go in there on principal as she dislikes the way they seem to have hoovered up all the best little shops) I would be cross but would try to not fall out over it

EnjoyingTheSilence · 02/12/2021 07:59

I’d be pissed off too. Who the hell buys a costa voucher for someone who isn’t a huge fan. If I was given one I’d be thinking wtf? Do my friends even know me? Of course I’d never say anything to them.

Cuck00soup · 02/12/2021 08:00

If “friend” doesn’t know what to do with an £80 Costa card that pretty much proves it’s a shit present.

£80 in JL would have bought a pod machine and some nice make up.

Given PP comments about the deal, I would love to know how Costa buying cheeky fucker can justify pocketing £15 off the back of hard up friend?

AnFiadhRua · 02/12/2021 08:00

I like their coffee but yeh an 80 £ voucher. Wow. Id feel like i had to go there.

AnFiadhRua · 02/12/2021 08:02

@SoItWas

I would be baffled to be given an £80 costa voucher.

Voucher buying friend, should never ever be in charge of buying vouchers again!

I bet costa were shocked too!
SofaKingKnotBovvered · 02/12/2021 08:03

@Juniper68

Why can't away friend be contacted? Are they somewhere without signal? Or do you just not want to hassle them on their break?
Why would you interrupt a friends break away to discuss this? That would be really OTT Unfortunately, it's done now OP, I'd be a bit confused why anyone would think it's a thoughtful gift too Was friend thinking that the receiver going to invite you all there with her so you can have a catch up together
DarlingFell · 02/12/2021 08:03

Shittest present ever.

The reply was “Then what would I do with an £80 Costa voucher?”

What anyone else would do with it, let it fester in your purse while you forget it's there.

COPPER3 · 02/12/2021 08:05

Very, very thoughtless of your so called 'friend'. I would be furious. It was agreed between you beforehand and then she goes off and does that...how awful! Money is precious and your other dear friend (birthday) would have appreciated a voucher to spend on herself and new home. Good luck with getting your money back!

Bogeyes · 02/12/2021 08:08

If someone bought me this gift....I would give it away

BigButtons · 02/12/2021 08:09

It’s shit.
Who is she to dictate what the friend spends her voucher on?
Superdrug would have been better- not much but better.
I hope she gets a a refund and actually gets something nice.

TractorAndHeadphones · 02/12/2021 08:09

I don’t know pp said this ‘isn’t worth falling out over’. CF behaviour is DEFINITELY worth falling out over. Why would you want to be friends with a liar? My key criteria for a friend is trustworthiness

Aderyn21 · 02/12/2021 08:12

I don't think you should assume the friend has benefited from the promotion and pocketed the difference- this is your friend.
While this isn't what you agreed to, you have expressed your opinion and I'd drop it now or this could end up damaging the relationships.
It sounds like they acted on a spur of the moment idea which was misjudged but came from a good place.
It's not the best gift but it's not the worst either - your friend might enjoy an ongoing gift because sometimes you do want lunch or a coffee out but can't justify 'wasting' £10 of proper shopping money.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 02/12/2021 08:18

Agree with @Aderyn21

You have told her, she probably feels silly. You can keep making a thing of it and she might try to fix things but just think through whether you want it to blow even bigger. Maybe wait to see what the other friend says?

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 02/12/2021 08:21

What she does with an £80 voucher for Costa, is remember she has it and uses it every time she gets a coffee. It would go within about 15-20 visits.

Awful behaviour; not surprised you are pissed off. In any case, a nice looking house is a treat for me!