Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

[JustLyra]

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

You don’t give someone as £80 Costa giftcard! That’s bizarre!!!

Can she return the voucher and buy what was intended?

So you agreed on a voucher for a shopping centre which your friend could spend on having her nails done, going for a coffee, buying clothes, make up, toiletries etc. and your friend thought hell no, she might buy a toaster and dinner plates from Next. So instead she thought £80 worth of Costa coffee would be better. Strange.
I’d be very annoyed too.

Mildly annoyed would be a reasonable reaction.

Absolutely furious is completely ott in this instance. OP, are you always like this when you don't get your own way?

YADNBU

£80 coffee voucher, WTAF, I'd be fuming as it's a totally shite gift

I’d be clear.

She can arrange the purchase of a new voucher as agreed.

Or

You will replace the agreed voucher (for £60 if she doesn’t want to chip in) and she can consider the £80 Costa voucher the last ever gift she gets from the group.

Her call

Oh dear, that’s a grim gift to give. Costa coffee is horrible and I like my coffee.

That is mental - we’re they having a complete brain fart?!

It’s not unreasonable to think they had a moment of madness and be annoyed, but unless you all really skint you are being OTT on how annoyed you are. Can’t the 3 of you take £25 voucher each (you’ll get through that easily enough), and rebuy the present??

She doesn’t get to decide what to do with your money. The audacity of “but what would I do with an £80 Costa card”!! I’d have been tempted to say “well if you thought it was such a good present then I guess you buy yourself lots of ‘nice treats’ and give me my £26 back”

Like others, I would question if there’s actually £80 on the card and the rest hasnt been pocketed, or it’s one that she’s regifted.

It’s an appalling gift that no one in their right mind would choose unless there’s an ulterior motive.

£80 of costa isn't a treat, it's an obligation
I don't buy enough coffee shop coffee to use this in less than about 2 years and there is no Costa near my house or office. Also, Costa coffee is the worst.
Tell friend to return the Costa voucher or keep it and buy the correct voucher.

£80 on a coffee voucher is a bit ridiculous, as is the desire to police what the friend spends a more general voucher.

Personally as I buy a Costa coffee twice a week a smaller denomination voucher would not be unwelcome, but it's a mundane place, not somewhere I'd go to treat myself. For £80 she could have bought her afternoon tea at Fortnum and Masons or a really lovely gift from there. Or a magnum of Veuve Cliquot!

I’d be annoyed too. If you can get a refund on a gift Card I’d definitely push for that. At least for 2/3 of it and let the buyer do what she wants with her xhSre of the money.

Eighty pounds? Wtf?

Personally I would have gone for £20 max Costa voucher if they liked Costa and the rest for the home

If this were my friendship group it would be a swift
‘If you don’t even want a Costa coffee gift card, why the f* would X want it? You can’t spend my money on something I didn’t agree to. Get it refunded or swallow the loss and give me my money back!’

@TyrannosaurusRights

I’d be clear.

She can arrange the purchase of a new voucher as agreed.

Or

You will replace the agreed voucher (for £60 if she doesn’t want to chip in) and she can consider the £80 Costa voucher the last ever gift she gets from the group.

Her call

This is the best idea. The Costa voucher is now the next birthday gift for the friend who bought it or she arranges a refund.

Obviously I'm strange as I'd be so happy with this as a gift, it would mean I could treat myself when out and about without feeling any guilt for not putting all my money towards practical house stuff. It would last me several visits too, so would be like an ongoing gift. Can't see what all the fuss is about really.

I would like this gift. It would be a treat for me, not necessarily the coffee but the chance to get out of the house and spend some time on my own. It’s better than spending it on taps and lightbulbs.

Get a refund

That’s the worst gift for someone going through a hard time. Who wants to be forced to go to Costa for £89 worth of coffee? The Costa voucher buyer needs to get a refund and buy the generic voucher as agreed. Or if they can’t get a refund do as a previous poster suggested and consider it her own next birthday gift.

Whether an £80 Costa voucher is or isn’t a totally wank gift idea (it is) is a red herring. It’s totally unacceptable to collect for an agreed group gift and then unilaterally decide to spend the money on something else. She needs to buy whatever you had originally agreed on, what she does with an £80 Costa voucher is her problem.

Yeah I would be really disappointed with a £80 Costa voucher. You could treat yourself to something really nice with £80. Even a restaurant one would be better but unless she absolutely loves Costa I don’t get why you’d give someone one for £80.

I’d be very surprised if they’d give a refund for a gift voucher.

I love costa but think £80 on a voucher for there is a bit bizarre. £20, I'd be delighted with, 20 doesn't go far for nice treats, and if I'm frequently going shopping for house bits, It'd be nice to get coffees without the guilt it's coming out of house funds.

£80, while I'd like it, probably more than a random clothes store, feels a bit too much. I think I'd feel obliged to buy the group coffee everytime I went out, so the 80 quid would really be 20. Or I'd struggle to use it, as my terrible logic would mean coffees as a group would bought with real money, and have to trickle through the voucher in the occasional solo coffees. If you're good at insisting and genuinely meaning the voucher is just for them, then it might be really nice.

It's a badly judged gift, and I do get where they're coming from in wanting them to get a gift for them, not the house.

If you can't return it, can you afford to make it a group gift card - so it pays for everyone's coffee and cakes for a while. Say you won it to save the birthday friend blushes from not contributing.

She's got to take it back for a refund or she keeps the voucher and gives you and your friend their share back so you can actually get what was agreed. It's a shit gift, I'd be furious too.