Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
lightisnotwhite · 03/12/2021 22:57

JustLyra I think you sound amazing friends too.

Is there any chance of starting again?
Could you break the voucher down and redistribute back to those that chipped in. Use them as Christmas gifts for other people?

I sort of get the other friends thinking. If there’s any spare it goes on essentials not treats ( so probably not the hair or nails place). If Costa isn’t a treat fir yer it’s pointless though.

PurpleNebula84 · 03/12/2021 23:00

TBF, I'd have preferred a voucher for whatever I want to buy - even if that meant me buying something for my new house - I'd be much happier with that than having to buy something from Costa.. I'd much rather look at a lamp/throw/other small house item and think "my friends contributed to that" xx

Mellowyellow222 · 03/12/2021 23:06

What an odd gift. And crap. Really, really crap.

CrankyFrankie · 03/12/2021 23:12

Omg £80 ! And the coffee is piss poor too. Your birthday friend should have the right to choose. Voucher buying friend can surely return the voucher if she kept the receipt. Bet no-one ever bought an £80 voucher from Costa before, what a mug!

blueluce85 · 03/12/2021 23:13

I'd definitely ask for your part of the voucher back and then 2 of you go in together on the original voucher idea....that or hopefully MIL wants it...have you suggested that to your notsothoughtful friend? What does she think of that?
Plus have you asked about the promotion yet??

Tabbydancer · 03/12/2021 23:19

I don’t think 80 quids worth of a chain coffee shop of dire tasting coffee is much of a treat
I’d be annoyed too
Agree with the diet comment as well

BronwenFrideswide · 03/12/2021 23:47

I'm not surprised you are furious OP, an £80.00 Costa Coffee voucher is the crappiest gift ever, I'd be insulted if someone gave me one.

Hope you manage to sort it out, I have no suggestions as to how other than the person who bought it keeps it for themselves and purchases the voucher you all previously agreed on and if she's left out of pocket, tough. If two out of the three of you don't want anything to do with the Costa Coffee voucher then I don't see how the person who bought it can argue the toss, they decided unilaterally to go against what was agreed, they take the hit.

AdobeWankenobi · 03/12/2021 23:56

@CrankyFrankie

Omg £80 ! And the coffee is piss poor too. Your birthday friend should have the right to choose. Voucher buying friend can surely return the voucher if she kept the receipt. Bet no-one ever bought an £80 voucher from Costa before, what a mug!
It's been mentioned several times now along with a link to the T&cs. Vouchers are not refundable. With or without receipt.
ImustLearn2Cook · 03/12/2021 23:58

The voucher we agreed to give her covers her favourite hair place, the place she gets her nails done, several takeaways she likes, plus other shops. It’s also somewhere she goes to regularly.

@JustLyra I think that the original voucher idea is thoughtful. You thought about what she likes. You wanted to give her a voucher that she could spend at places she likes to go to. You also considered not adding another item or items that would need to be packed for moving house. That’s thoughtful.

I don’t understand pp claiming that’s not a thoughtful gift.

whynotwhatknot · 03/12/2021 23:59

what an odd decision to make-its got to be that she had some on a card and added to it or it doesnt make sense when she doesnt even got there

Almostmenopausal · 04/12/2021 00:10

@JustLyra Your friend is extremely lucky! I've never had a gift from ANY friend and I'm nearly 38!

Insanelysilver · 04/12/2021 00:18

Makes me wonder if they had a costa gift card they wanted to off load.

FluffyBooBoo · 04/12/2021 01:46

It's a funny thing. But imo a £10 or £20 Costa gift card would be a much better gift than an £80 one.

If I got the former, I would be quite happy. If I got the latter I would be really confused and feel it was a waste of money that could have been put to better use.

There's not many gift vouchers that work that way imo!

alh26 · 04/12/2021 08:39

Wow, firstly I hate Costa so I'd be hacked off with that but just seems such an odd present. My mum used to put a £10 Starbucks voucher in our stockings when we were at uni which was great as a little token but £80 costa, that's boring as hell. I'd be asking for my money back and get her my own present

thegreywoman · 04/12/2021 09:10

She could have bought something as a “treat” or she could have bought her weekly grocery shop. I wanted her to have exactly that freedom of buying either what she wanted or what she needed

This from the OP is absolutely right for this situation. The friend has been having a really really tough time lately and when those times strike then you are in a bad place because you have no control over your life. Giving her back some control by having spending choices is spot on, even if others don't see that. It was a loving thing to do under the circumstances. Respect Flowers

Anonmummyoftwo · 04/12/2021 09:41

Jesus I like going to Starbucks for a treat but I’d be seriously disappointed if my friends handed me a £80 voucher for it. Yanbu here I’d be absolutely pissed if someone did that when we had already agreed on the voucher to buy before hand. I’d be telling her she should try returning it and never let her handle money on my behalf again. Who in the hell actually thinks anyone would want a coffee voucher at £80. What was her logic behind this like if she wanted to ensure it was only for treats (which isn’t really her choice to make unless she was buying the voucher alone) she should of cleared it with you and other friend first and if agreed got it for the likes of a nail salon or such.

Sn0tnose · 04/12/2021 09:41

Also said they’re surprised I’m so annoyed as I’m usually very calm and often the peacemaker

Perhaps she needs it pointing out that her actions are so shit and so thoughtless that it has caused even the peacemaker to think she’s a massive twat.

MarchingOnTogether · 04/12/2021 10:13

Could you take the voucher back to Costa and split it for 4 x £20 ones?
Take £20 each and give friend a £20 one.
Then put some more cash together to buy another voucher for something more suitable for your friend.
£20 Costa is a nice treat but £80 is just ridiculous

Foxylass · 04/12/2021 10:13

You are not being unreasonable at all.
The original gift was an very kind thought and would have been appreciated, I'm sure.
The Costa vouches is a really poor gift choice.

I had a big birthday and my friends clubbed together to get me High Street vouchers - which I could use in many shops (I gratefully agreed to this).

However the voucher buyer decided to spend the whole lot £240 on Next vouchers - Next is not my style so my children benefitted! My other friends and I were very disappointed.

starlight13 · 04/12/2021 10:45

Agree op......pretty dismal and she'll likely only get a penny change from the £30 for a purchase of a coffee and rocky road at that overpriced joint! I could understand a beauty voucher or something, but coffee? I'd rather a nice screwfix voucher any day.

Wonderland18 · 04/12/2021 11:40

I think if your friends struggling a £80 gift voucher would feel like a kick in the gut and feel like your friends just don’t care enough about you.
Maybe if she’s given it we will see another post up just after her birthday about being hurt about the thoughtless gift.

Roxy69 · 04/12/2021 12:07

How is Costa Coffee a treat?

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 12:39

@Roxy69

How is Costa Coffee a treat?
Of course it's a treat! Just not one you'd want £80s worth of.
Original poster
JustLyra · 04/12/2021 13:27

Holiday friend is even more pissed off than I am.

We’ve told buying friend that for us the three options are - she buys the voucher we agreed on and does whatever she likes with the Costa voucher; she brings the voucher and receipt to mine, my MIL will buy it to use for knit and natter and we’ll buy the original voucher; or she returns our money and we’ll sort our own present.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 04/12/2021 13:52

If your MiL can use it, that would seem like the best solution.

Swipe left for the next trending thread