Page 15 | Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

JustLyra · 2021-12-02T00:37:46+00:00

Four of us in a friend group. We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years. One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move. Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card. They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves. So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes. Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

Kate0902900908 · 03/12/2021 20:18

Unless this friend is in costa coffee most days then this is outrageous and the voucher should be sold or returned or maybe swapped for a voucher that can be used on something your friend chooses! £80 costa coffee wtf!!! I would be livid and frankly embarrassed to put my name to that gift! I would say to voucher buying friend I'm sorry this is not what was agreed and I don't want to give her a coffee voucher it's impersonal completely impractical and a waste!

Original poster

JustLyra · 03/12/2021 20:18

The Costa friend is out of order (but I don't necessarily think they had nefarious intentions) but how was a gift voucher for "somewhere else" not a thoughtless gift?

A voucher that can be used anywhere in the shopping centre isn't special or thoughtful or particularly tailored to your friend having a tough time is it?

It’s not, but it gives her options. Which was the point.
Ideally, right now, we’d have given her cash, but she wouldn’t have taken it.

We’ve got her a small token gift because she can’t have much stuff where she is and we don’t know when she’ll be moving or how much help she’ll have.

The voucher we agreed to give her covers her favourite hair place, the place she gets her nails done, several takeaways she likes, plus other shops. It’s also somewhere she goes to regularly.

Having been in similar situations we (well two of us ou turned out) didn’t think it was helpful to give her a specific voucher for one place when maybe a different one would have been better. And we couldn’t ask her because she’s one of the “oh wherever, no fuss is needed” kind of people.

We rarely do vouchers, but we have occasionally in the past. For example when I lost 8 stone they gave me a similar voucher that could be used in multiple clothes and shoe shops so I could pick whichever one I wanted.

We wanted her to have a choice.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/12/2021 20:21

Friend didn’t want to get a voucher in caee birthday friend didn’t spend it on treats for herself and more essentials

Sh gets a £80 one for a coffee shop

That’s hardly a treat

AnAverageMum · 03/12/2021 20:21

I was going to say YABU when I thought it was a £20 voucher but £80!!! I love Costa, I’d appreciate my coffees being covered for a few weeks… but I’d much rather spend £80 on something more substantial for my birthday!

Crunchymum · 03/12/2021 20:35

@JustLyra

The Costa friend is out of order (but I don't necessarily think they had nefarious intentions) but how was a gift voucher for "somewhere else" not a thoughtless gift?

A voucher that can be used anywhere in the shopping centre isn't special or thoughtful or particularly tailored to your friend having a tough time is it?

It’s not, but it gives her options. Which was the point.
Ideally, right now, we’d have given her cash, but she wouldn’t have taken it.

We’ve got her a small token gift because she can’t have much stuff where she is and we don’t know when she’ll be moving or how much help she’ll have.

The voucher we agreed to give her covers her favourite hair place, the place she gets her nails done, several takeaways she likes, plus other shops. It’s also somewhere she goes to regularly.

Having been in similar situations we (well two of us ou turned out) didn’t think it was helpful to give her a specific voucher for one place when maybe a different one would have been better. And we couldn’t ask her because she’s one of the “oh wherever, no fuss is needed” kind of people.

We rarely do vouchers, but we have occasionally in the past. For example when I lost 8 stone they gave me a similar voucher that could be used in multiple clothes and shoe shops so I could pick whichever one I wanted.

We wanted her to have a choice.

I completely understand your intentions re: the gift voucher that can be used in numerous places and I understand you being pissed of with Costa friend as she went against what was agreed. However bemoaning how thoughtless a Costa voucher is / telling us how wonderful everyone else's birthday gifts were kind of makes any type of gift voucher feel a little crap?

I just think you are convoluting two different issues.

leawg1986 · 03/12/2021 20:36

I completely agree with you! Your other friend seems to be a bit of a dick, taking over the situation and coming back with a crap, thoughtless “gift”

Crunchymum · 03/12/2021 20:36

Although now I'm reading between the lines I assume birthday friend is in some kind of temporary / emergency accommodation which makes vouchers a sensible choice for her.

I'd go back to Costa friend and give her to option to give you receipt / give to your MIL and go back to the original plan.

Original poster

JustLyra · 03/12/2021 20:38

@Crunchymum The Costa voucher is particular thoughtless because she doesn’t go there.

We already know a voucher isn’t going to be as nice as the gifts the rest of us have had this year. None of us are thick.
This piss take turns a moderately thoughtful (in terms of we sat down for ages and tried to work out how to make the best of a bad situation) gift and turns it into an utterly shit gift that she likely wouldn’t use.

OP posts:

grapewine · 03/12/2021 20:39

The voucher we agreed to give her covers her favourite hair place, the place she gets her nails done, several takeaways she likes, plus other shops. It’s also somewhere she goes to regularly.

I'd have loved this! Costa not so much. Hope it gets sorted, perhaps with MIL's help. YANBU.

Eggshausted · 03/12/2021 20:47

So you don’t want her to spend it on things for her house? She might like to buy some cushions or a mirror or a quilt cover. It’s not a gift if you are buying what you want to receive or control what someone spends a voucher on. You’re just as bad as the person who spends £80 on a Costa coffee gift card! Wtf!

Original poster

JustLyra · 03/12/2021 20:52

@Eggshausted

So you don’t want her to spend it on things for her house? She might like to buy some cushions or a mirror or a quilt cover. It’s not a gift if you are buying what you want to receive or control what someone spends a voucher on. You’re just as bad as the person who spends £80 on a Costa coffee gift card! Wtf!

Wtf is exactly what I’m thinking right now? @Eggshausted

The voucher we were buying was chosen precisely because she could spend it on hair, nails, takeaways, curtains, cushions, the weekly shop, Christmas presents etc.

She could have bought something as a “treat” or she could have bought her weekly grocery shop. I wanted her to have exactly that freedom of buying either what she wanted or what she needed.

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2021 20:52

I think a voucher that can be used in several places she loves to visit is very thoughtful.
It gives her choices between different things she is known to like.

SplodgeWaddler · 03/12/2021 20:53

YANBU I f’ing hate Costa coffee. If Costa were sausages they’d be Richmonds

Jumpingintochristmas · 03/12/2021 20:54

@SplodgeWaddler

YANBU I f’ing hate Costa coffee. If Costa were sausages they’d be Richmonds

Exactly!!!

SplodgeWaddler · 03/12/2021 20:56

OP do you think the one who bought the Costa voucher might have a bit of a prob with the friend who’s moving - it does seem a bit unkind tbh.

LouBan · 03/12/2021 21:07

It's not a great present but more importantly, it's not what was agreed upon. The one buying the voucher should have asked those of you who chipped in before buying it. A shopping centre voucher is always best because the recipient can choose how to spend it and if your friend wants to spend her voucher on practical things why should it bother anyone else?

3luckystars · 03/12/2021 21:09

What an asshole! I would hate that ‘gift’, pity you can’t take it back and get a refund.

Doesn’t it feel a bit controlling to buy something so specific. Like I give a gift so the person will enjoy it, not that give them instructions on what they are allowed to spend it on.

mrsbyers · 03/12/2021 21:09

I wouldn’t be amused with that as a gift , not only do I not have a Costa close by I really don’t rate their coffee

LadyEloise1 · 03/12/2021 21:18

The gift receiving woman is very lucky to have such a lovely friend as you @JustLyra and the other friend but not the Costa voucher buying one.

Hertsgirl10 · 03/12/2021 21:30

What did holiday friend say about all of this?

NightfeedsandNetflix · 03/12/2021 21:54

What a waste of money?! She should have sent a quick message saying what she planned to buy!! And waited for you all to agree.

I would be suspicious too that it's not some dodgy voucher she is profiting from.

Why would she not get the friend a massage voucher or hairdressers etc? There's loads of self care options before a crap costa voucher. What is friend meant to do? sit there on her lonesome sipping coffee writing up her huge to do list having just moved?!

The only time this voucher would be a good call if said friend was openly a massive fan and regular user of costa...

DebHagland · 03/12/2021 22:19

The last thing I would want is £80 Costa voucher, surely it would have been far more logical to get a "love to shop" voucher that can be used in lots of shops, she would probably prefer to be able to buy something for the new house, (I wouldn't call a cup of coffee a treat)

Keke94LND · 03/12/2021 22:22

Last time I went to my local Costa there was a man there who stank of piss, so .. not really a treat 😬

pinkpantherpink · 03/12/2021 22:24

Sounds as if she did something to suit her and no-one else. Maybe buying Thatcham easy. Or maybe she git a perk from doing so. Her argument defies logic. Who would want an £80 voucher for a coffee shop? Good grief

bowlingalleyblues · 03/12/2021 22:49

That’s like a years supply of coffees! It’s not as if she could even have a 3 course nice meal in there (which you could have gotten a voucher for).