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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
AdobeWanKenobi · 02/12/2021 19:52

@watchingrnfire

Can you suggest to your friend to get a refund, even if it means you go on her behalf with the gift card and receipt
Once again. Gift cards are not refundable.
SoyIglesiasPiggle · 02/12/2021 21:39

@superstar84

I'd go into costa and say it was an error and you wanted 4 x £20 vouchers rather than 1 x £80 and each have a voucher

Then get your friend a proper gift

I used to work in retail and we always let people do this who had bigger vouchers as long as it was for the same shop

Wasn't unusual especially after Christmas for someone to come in and ask to split the voucher onto cards with smaller amounts

This seems like a very sensible suggestion, to at least partially rectify Vouchergate!
Rhythmisadancer · 03/12/2021 10:47

I can't even think why Costa would sell an £80 voucher - they must know that no-one on the planet would want one!

DonaPatrizia · 03/12/2021 17:34

£80 is a ridiculously large sum for a Costa voucher which is a naff present anyway. It's weird.

tcameronuk · 03/12/2021 17:37

Are they a Costa fan? If so, it's a great gift so she can still treat herself while going through a tough time while also not feeling guilty about spending money she needs to spend elsewhere.

When we got married, we were saving to move house so received a lot of cash. But one of the best gifts was Odeon vouchers. They knew we loved a movie but wouldn't pay to go ourselves quite we were "meant to be saving".

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/12/2021 17:38

£80 Costa voucher is a dreadful present. I like coffee but £80 ?!?!? Awful.

dcthatsme · 03/12/2021 17:39

That has got to be dreariest present ever! Even the person who bought says she doesn't want it... Maybe give it to some homeless people so they can buy themselves some hot drinks to warm up.

leawg1986 · 03/12/2021 17:39

YANBU. I’d be annoyed too. A universal gift card would have been much more suitable. Costa voucher is impractical.

Emmajg86 · 03/12/2021 17:43

I don't think a Costa voucher is a treat at all! And why does your friend want to have so much control over the definition of a treat? I think you should ask her to try and get a refund and then do the original plan of vouchers, which seems much more of an appropriate birthday gift.

gammazitasigma · 03/12/2021 17:46

F* off

That's a crap present

LookItsMeAgain · 03/12/2021 17:47

Have you managed to get anything sorted @JustLyra since you posted?

Original poster
JustLyra · 03/12/2021 17:51

Not yet @LookItsMeAgain

My lovely MIL goes to knit and natter in Costa twice a week and has offered to buy the voucher as long as she has the receipt in case there is another lockdown or anything.

I’ve not had a chance to speak to holiday friend yet. I’ll do that over the weekend.

OP posts:
labazslovesliving · 03/12/2021 17:53

I don't think if you buy someone a voucher you should be dictating what they should spend it on personally. if you have just moved house you may want some fairly boring things like loo brushes or washing up cloths!
I suppose being busy moving house an escape for a costa and cake isn't too bad but its hardly sticking to the spoil yourself theme as for a lot of people Costa is fairly routine, I have Costa most days myself.
that is why on occasions when I buy vouchers I buy Love To Shop ones then there are so many places to spend them as they wish

Fluffmum · 03/12/2021 17:58

She obviously doesn’t know hardship. Who the hell wants a costa voucher!

Vynalbob · 03/12/2021 17:59

An agreed gift is an agreed gift... YANBU.
Feels like some sort of scam or gift.
... not friendlike

orangeautumnleaves · 03/12/2021 18:00

£80 Costa voucher!! So she buys treats and not boring things... bizarre. If you want to spend that much for someone to spoil themselves surely a spa/ massage/ pedi voucher would be better!

Mygirlruby · 03/12/2021 18:01

Can you take a small loss, sell the Costa voucher on eBay for £75 and then get a useful voucher. I mean, Costa,😭 the coffee is ok but their cake isn't even that nice

nocnoc · 03/12/2021 18:02

It’s the worst idea for a present but I wouldn’t kick off about it. I’d just buy another gift to soften the blow for your friend who is probably going to be really upset by being given that crap.

Orchid876 · 03/12/2021 18:06

That's very nice of your MIL, I'd take her up on that as it's probably the easiest solution. But I'd still be pissed at voucher buying friend for a while, £80 of coffee is a very random shit present. Her judgement may well have been clouded by the recent promotion that PPs suggested, in which case she's a greedy CF as well as a woman of poor present buying judgement. But bottom line she should have bought what you agreed, it's would t have been that bad if you hadn't discussed it and she just make a bad choice, but to unilaterally decide to buy something else with your money is definitely not on.

Threewheeler1 · 03/12/2021 18:09

Ooh no. It's like being given a teabag subscription.
Hardly a treat. £80 is loads, could have spoiled herself a bit with that and if that means buying stuff for her house with a voucher, that's great.
I'm with you OP, voucher would have been better. Lots of choices as opposed to the limited choices you can make standing at the coffee counter.

Jaxxy · 03/12/2021 18:10

YANBU…..dreadful present. Certainly for that amount, do you think she had a panic and ran out of time!

Mandyjack · 03/12/2021 18:11

@JustLyra

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

Might as well gone with Next or B&Q if they were going down the voucher route
Lairymary · 03/12/2021 18:23

Holy crap, that's a shit present!!

Prescottdanni123 · 03/12/2021 18:26

YANBU. If you are buying someone a voucher, it is up to them what they spend it on. It is not for the voucher buying friend to dictate whether or not it is spent on something practical or a treat. And whose is to say that the receiver even views coffee and cake from Costa as a treat?

mam0918 · 03/12/2021 18:27

You are both unreasonable:

  1. mainly because vouchers SUCK as a gift... they get lost, forgotten, have expirey dates and can usually only be spent in certain places, they are the top of all PITA gifts.

I hate cash as I think it's lazy, impersonal and says I couldn't be bothered to put the effort in so do the work of buying your own gift BUT at least it can be used for anything anywhere and doesn't come with terms and bloody conditions.

I agree with your friend it always ends up going on bills and shit you need not 'gifts' but I disagree with the concept of an £80 costa card for someone who doesn't 'LOVE' costa because thats a stupidly high amount to be forced in one place.

  1. Why couldn't you give her £20 for her house if that's what YOU deem best and your friend gives her £20 worth of Costa vouchers and your other friend does as she deems best rather than all this pissing about arguing over which voucher is best.

Grown women doing this weird codependent gifting thing is bizarre (there's not even any reason it's not like you were buying an expensive item, just basically giving cash with rules) especially when you don't even agree with each others gifting ideas.