Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
SpritzingAperol · 02/12/2021 13:25

Does the voucher buying friend have money troubles. And she's just discovered she's got £80 of points on her Costa card and trousered the actual cash..,,.,?

Now it's years since I used my Costa points card but ...

LookItsMeAgain · 02/12/2021 13:31

This response from @WhereYouLeftIt just about covers it:

"The reply was “Then what would I do with an £80 Costa voucher?”"

My response would be 'You bought it, you keep it. It was your decision to buy it and not the agreed voucher, so it's yours, to pay for and to use yourself.'

It's not up to you or your other friend to fix CostaVoucher CFers mistake. She has to do that as she unilaterally decided to only buy a Costa voucher instead of a voucher that could be used in multiple stores.

BorderlineHappy · 02/12/2021 13:55

Your friend chose an £80 voucher for somewhere your wouldn't use.
That's incredibly wasteful.
No wonder you're pissed off.

ddl1 · 02/12/2021 14:29

I'm actually closer to 'furious' now that I realize that the friend actually went behind the group's back, rather than just overruling them which would be bad enough. And what sort of gift is it for someone who (a) is struggling financially and probably needs other things more; (b) isn't a great coffee person anyway!

CrispAndFrosty · 02/12/2021 14:40

£80 of Costa??? Random. But, to find a silver lining, it might be handy for your friend to use it for lunches (toastie and a cake) while she's kitting out her kitchen. Assuming she is actually near a Costa. I hope it doesn't expire soon.

Out of order for your friend to unilaterally override what you'd agreed.

I have heard Americans talk about a Starbucks gift card as the answer to every occasion, and always been baffled by that too. I guess if you're in the habit of buying coffee every day it's a little treat... If. Pretty boring treat, though.

billy1966 · 02/12/2021 14:52

I can understand your fury.

Awful present.

How to go off someone overnight.

Complete CF.

Biker47 · 02/12/2021 15:08

Try and think of a shitter voucher that you can get her for their next birthday.

MrsToothyBitch · 02/12/2021 15:49

I like the idea suggested earlier of getting buyer-friend to agree to keep the costa voucher in lieu of her next birthday present and helping to sort a new voucher for receiving friend. She can have her % of the original £80 back when it's her turn for a present as receiving friend can put in and effectively buy her out and even the score. If you can afford it, it might be a bit more spent in one go for those of you spending twice and not buying each other out, but it will even out.

Tough shit that buyer friend actually thinks it's a bad present herself. Let that be a lesson.

AnFiadhRua · 02/12/2021 17:07

@Biker47

Try and think of a shitter voucher that you can get her for their next birthday.
That's funny.

I suggest timpsons.

FluffyBooBoo · 02/12/2021 17:12

*That's funny.

I suggest timpsons*

I was thinking a selection of vouchers.

£5 for each place. And nowhere that sells anything for less than, say, £20. So a manicure place, a massage therapist, local restaurant, local posh homeware shop etc...

But that's possibly a step too far.

Screwfix maybe? Or a supercar/bungee jump type experience?

bratzdoll · 02/12/2021 17:17

You all agreed on what voucher to get, one that can be used on many things such as your friend getting her nails done and your other friend agreed at the time but then randomly went and bought a £80 Costa giftcard??? What the hell😂 I'd be annoyed too as that's not how you agreed you'd spend the money.

Wtf is your friend going to do with a £80 Costa voucher when she hardly goes there too. Poor choice from your friend, she should have stuck with the chosen voucher!

onlythen · 02/12/2021 17:34

@JustLyra

So voucherbuyungfriend had herb birthday recently

I think holidayfriend and you ask for the money back so you can buy at least 2/3 nice vouchers gift for Movingfriend
Then Voucherfruend can give his much she wants in Costa vouchers to friend

If Voucherfriend can't or doesn't return your money, then my suggestion is you agree once voucher given that it's an stupid present , offer loudly that Voucherfriend was an idiot so you all will buy Housingmovingfriend out 1/4 of it in cash including Voucherfriend !!!! (So housemovingfriend has her money)

..... Then agree that you will all meet up at Costa regularly to get through your vouchers rather than go anywhere else.

It can become the great Costa lesson that you may all laugh about in future! Grin

watchingrnfire · 02/12/2021 17:43

£80 on a bloody costa voucher!!! What a shitty gift indeed! If I was the recipient I would be annoyed that a large sum can only be used at costa when I could've used that amount to treat myself to something to wear or an item for my new house.
Never leave that friend in charge of getting the gifts ever again! It feels like she did it in spite? Who in the right mind would think putting 80£ on a costa card is a smart idea?! The costa staff must've had a good little giggle after

Original poster
JustLyra · 02/12/2021 17:45

@onlythen She did. We’ve all had our birthdays recently. All four are within a short space of time.

Thanks for all the replies. I don’t think making it voucher-buying friend’s birthday present will work as it is almost a full year until her birthday.

All of us meeting in Costa and making use of it that way doesn’t even work because we either meet with a hoard of kids, or more regularly we meet in evenings so we want wine rather than over-priced coffee.

OP posts:
Almostmenopausal · 02/12/2021 17:56

Guaranteed the receiver sells it!

sheenapunk · 02/12/2021 18:00

Hmmm, it's a gift and the thought counts, so forget it. But don't let that person buy the gift next time!

superstar84 · 02/12/2021 18:03

I'd go into costa and say it was an error and you wanted 4 x £20 vouchers rather than 1 x £80 and each have a voucher

Then get your friend a proper gift

I used to work in retail and we always let people do this who had bigger vouchers as long as it was for the same shop

Wasn't unusual especially after Christmas for someone to come in and ask to split the voucher onto cards with smaller amounts

ScreamingMeMe · 02/12/2021 18:08

Yeah, that's a shit present.

Your friend sounds kind of controlling.

ChimChimeny · 02/12/2021 18:14

@sheenapunk

Hmmm, it's a gift and the thought counts, so forget it. But don't let that person buy the gift next time!
But the buyer didn't think about what the recipient actually wants, so there was v little thought involved
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/12/2021 18:24

Are you sure she didn’t go for that bonus voucher promotion others have mentioned? Sounds like such a co incidence she goes for this random present, and there’s a promotion on where she only needs to spend £65 and makes a profit.

I would definitely say to her to give you both your share of the money back, as this wasn’t what was agreed. It’s not your problem if she’s stuck with a Costa voucher she doesn’t want.

It’s a really weird present.

That said, we have a vouchers scheme at work for if you’ve done something good. A friend of mine did always used to buy himself a massive Cafe Nero voucher when he got one - even up to £100 - to last him for morning coffees for a while. I spent one on a trampoline for my son once and another time for a wall clock, so each to their own!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/12/2021 18:25

I do know someone who’d do stuff like that though

JeffCole83 · 02/12/2021 18:28

I was about to chip in that I received a £20 Costa voucher and was really happy to have a few treats without having to fork out...but £80 is just fucking insane!

watchingrnfire · 02/12/2021 19:07

Can you suggest to your friend to get a refund, even if it means you go on her behalf with the gift card and receipt

Newmumatlast · 02/12/2021 19:32

[quote JustLyra]@GertietheGherkin I’ve made my feelings known. The other person who chipped in is away atm, but I’ve said that I feel the voucher we agreed on (which can be used in any shop in the shopping centre where we live so could be used in a coffee shop if friend wanted, or could be used where she usually gets her nails done, or equally could be used for essentials if it’s needed) should be bought by the friend. That’s what our money was given for.

The reply was “Then what would I do with an £80 Costa voucher?”[/quote]
I said yabu as I didnt see you had discussed the specific voucher but then saw you had and that £80 has been spent and have changed my vote!!!

Newmumatlast · 02/12/2021 19:37

Also I bloody love costa and spend loads there and still would not want an £80 voucher for my birthday. It wouldnt feel special.

Swipe left for the next trending thread