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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how much it is usual ro.give your adult daugher fot her birthday.?

189 replies

Mondaymindy · 01/12/2021 16:22

Id just like to guage this...
My dm has just sent me a gift card for £15.
Ive been giving this amount to dc of friends .. but for my own dc b day ( young adult) I

would allocate about £100 to £ 150 so that she could be assured to get something she would enjoy amd invest in and treat herself. Eg speakers.
Have I been getting rhis wrong ? Unless i was struggling, which my dm is most defintley not,i wouldnt send £ 15 to an adult close relative. ..
My family have hinted that i am over spendy at times ? Thoughts please..

OP posts:
DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 01/12/2021 19:23

I get £150 for Christmas and the same for birthday. 45yo only child

ApolloandDaphne · 01/12/2021 19:23

My DM gives me £20 for my birthday. I give my DDs about £200. My DM is an 81yo pensioner and I wouldn't expect any more. I can afford to give my DDs this amount so that is fine too. I've never even given it a passing thought until I read this thread.

Comfortsex · 01/12/2021 19:23

My dad gives me £25, my mum £20 (they're divorced).

Mudandrain · 01/12/2021 19:36

Mine send £10 on me but also buy my children and DH a gift so never thought about it. I spend similar on them.

Aspidistra1 · 01/12/2021 19:42

My parents usually just send a card. They’re comfortably off and I earn a good salary. If I needed money they’d lend it to me.

DH’s parents always send me £30-40 to buy myself something nice and they’re less well off than my parents but are much more into gifts. They’ll also send us money for our anniversary to have dinner out.

My Gran would always send me £50-100 for my birthday and Christmas until she died and I know I was earning much more than her.

Skyll · 01/12/2021 19:51

I give my grown up kids £50 but surely it’s all relative to income and how many kids and grandchildren there are?

Pemba · 01/12/2021 21:23

I find it a bit sad when some pps get nothing from their parents for Christmas/birthdays. A lot of them think it's OK because they earn a good salary, and so if they feel it's fine then it is fine I suppose.

But to me a gift is part of the love you show. If my adult daughter won the lottery, I'd still want to give her a nice gift. Presents are not just for children, imo.

TuftyMarmoset · 01/12/2021 21:37

I find it so weird that so many people are getting cash from their parents into middle age! It would be sad to not get anything at all but I thought an actual present was the done thing.

RagzReturnsRebooted · 01/12/2021 21:39

I stopped getting birthday presents from my parents when I had children. I get a card, but nothing else, though my Mum did buy me a load of scratchcards on my 30th.
DH used to get a £10-20 present from his parents, as did I.

FreedomFaith · 01/12/2021 21:43

My mum spends too much on me I think for Christmas and birthday. But she loves Christmas and loves giving, it makes her happy. God knows why but we leave her to it.

SelfHelpPlease · 01/12/2021 22:03

My mother spends about £15 on me for Christmas. My MIL, £50.

JaceLancs · 01/12/2021 22:03

I’m 57 and have DC of 28 and 30
I spend £150-200 on each of them for Xmas or birthday
My DM is in her 80s and gives us all DC and DGC £50 each for same

Serin · 01/12/2021 22:12

My mum is 88 and bless her heart she gives my sibling and myself, our DHs and all our 5 DC (9 of us in total) £100 each for birthdays and £100 at Christmas.
That's almost £2000 that we would rather she spent on herself but she insists it makes her happy.
She gives money as she wouldn't want the stress of having to choose something but she insists on it being spent on z nice treat instead of just going into general living costs.

Naughtynovembertree · 01/12/2021 22:16

Gosh... Its so hard tk judge isn't it, even very rich people think spending some money twice a year on someone will make them poor.

Ubiquery · 01/12/2021 22:28

I buy her a hairdressers voucher for £30 and then she buys me a £30 book voucher Smile

couchparsnip · 01/12/2021 22:30

My parents give me gifts totalling about £50.

AliveAndSleeping · 01/12/2021 22:33

@ErickBroch

I would say that is low if she's not on a low income or struggling, yes. Just ensure you spend the same on her birthdays moving forward.
Wow. Is this really how you would treat your mother? That's the vilest thing I've read today.

Op if your relationship otherwise is fine I'd just ignore it. If it isn't then focus on the other Problems. This is a non issue. Maybe for whatever reason she thinks that's an appropriate amount.

To answer your question my own mum wants to stuff me with money but can't think of anything to get for my birthday. Some years she gives me hundreds and some years nothing m I don't care. It doesn't mean anything. I know she loves me and would give me her last penny if I needed it.

Watapalava · 01/12/2021 22:34

My parents give me £30 for bday and for xmas

They give each dc £30 for bday and £60 for Christmas

I’d much rather they just bought the kids

I find it odd that gps give their children more than their gc

Naughtynovembertree · 01/12/2021 22:35

@Dacquoise

Yes absolutely agree.
Unless one has been on the end of this it's so incredibly hard to understand.
It's what my Mil does I was so naive at first.
I've never known present giving like it.
It's sucked all the joy out of Xmas I can't bear it now and wish they didn't ever darken our door.
It's been so hard to try and explain to people but intent is absolutely key.
My dm was so sweet and often gave silly or misplaced gifts... But her heart was absolutely golden.
Mil has weaponised gifts and although extremely rich works on a very tight budget, and let's us know.

Naughtynovembertree · 01/12/2021 22:36

Alive and sleeping your mum is clearly the opposite to op mums then? Giving children she favours different amounts.
As ever op your post wasn't clear

2pinkginsplease · 01/12/2021 22:36

Dh gets £20 from his mum for his birthday as do myself and our teens.

My mum spends approx £50 each on mine and the kids birthdays and approx £30 on dhs.

Each to their own, be grateful for any gift you receive.

Naughtynovembertree · 01/12/2021 22:38

Op if you had put this into context ie.. Your siblings getting more you would have different replies.
As dac said its best to weedle these people out really.

Passthecake30 · 01/12/2021 22:40

I stopped getting presents from any of my relatives after I had kids. I still them from dps parents, about £30 for bdays.

Armychefbethebest · 01/12/2021 22:43

I get jack shit off mine not even a card and vice versa because she's quite a toxic person I'd be happy having nothing but a good relationship with her but hey ho . 15 is a treat of some sort op even if you feel its not a lot

Finknottlesnewt · 01/12/2021 22:46

Surely it has everything to do with income .. I would absolutely LOVE to give my DC £200 per birthday but income dictates £30.

What is hard to understand about that ?