To wonder how much it is usual ro.give your adult daugher fot her birthday.?

[Mondaymindy]

Id just like to guage this...
My dm has just sent me a gift card for £15.
Ive been giving this amount to dc of friends .. but for my own dc b day ( young adult) I

would allocate about £100 to £ 150 so that she could be assured to get something she would enjoy amd invest in and treat herself. Eg speakers.
Have I been getting rhis wrong ? Unless i was struggling, which my dm is most defintley not,i wouldnt send £ 15 to an adult close relative. ..
My family have hinted that i am over spendy at times ? Thoughts please..

My parents don’t give me money (I’m 26). They get me a present but not more than £100 worth, usually less.
DP’s parents and my GM sometimes give him/me money but that’s because they see us as poor young people still getting started in life (eg GM just paid for a new fridge for us). As you have an adult daughter yourself I’m guessing that’s not how your mum views you and it’s more of a token present but she doesn’t know what else to get you. You could gently suggest something next year? Like you’d quite fancy some nice chocolate/bubble bath etc

Normally about £35 and I spend a similar amount on her. I'm a grown up, I don't need my Mum to spend a lot of money on me, her love is far more important. I would be horrified if she spent £100 on me.

Ive been giving this amount to dc of friends

^ I wouldn't spend this on friends' children. I would spend that on a close friend. I would probably give about £20 to an adult relative if I was giving cash, but it's all relative and it's a gesture as well.

DM usually gives me about £50, I give my own adult DC about £20 as we're really struggling.

I tend to get a gift card for John Lewis from my mum - usually £100. I’m in my 40s. Last year DP had been made redundant so money was pretty tight, and I got a cheque for £50 as well as the gift card.

It was a tener in family that was it. As the years went by it got worthless.

I suppose it’s all relative. If my Mum was really broke and living on pension credit then I’d be happy with just having her company! But if your Mum is very well off and spending ££££ on stuff generally then £15 does seem a bit tight but all you can do is seem grateful otherwise it’s just rude!!

My own Mum was hideously tight despite having no reason to be - and she’d spend £££ on alcohol every week and going out… when it was my birthday I would get a Poundland dressing gown and a nail polish she’d used half of.. that sort of thing!!

My mum is no longer around, she would usually buy me something rather than cash, something in the region of £30-£50 I'd say, more for a special birthday maybe.

My in laws give DH £50 and me the same, plus usually something small wrapped up. They are well off.

£15 is pretty tight, unless your DM is struggling for money which you have said that she isn't. It's more the amount you might give to a friend or distant relative.

However every family has their own present giving 'culture' I suppose. Is she generous /helpful in other ways? Did she spend more on you as a child?

The amount you say you spend on your own grown DD is pretty normal I would think, for someone who is not struggling. It's certainly not OTT.

I find it a4 bit weird that my own DPs (fairly well off) give me £50 at birthdays and Christmas but give my DH exactly the same. He's not their son! But it's just the way they think. Everyone is half of a couple apparently...

It is probably a bit hurtful but I think you will just have to let it go, and make sure your future gifts to your DM are for a similar amount.

My mum gives me £20 and I'm grateful for it. She spends about the same at Christmas and goes mad at me for spending more than that on her (I always do though. She's a massive help to me and it's one way I can show my appreciation)

This bugs me too OP. My parents are well off, but also only give me £30-£40. But for random relatives weddings and babies 1st birthdays they will easily gift £250-£500.

I get a card from my mum
I dont expect money

My mum spends circa £150 on me, I know I'm lucky ... dp gets a £10 book typically from his mum (who is much wealthier but has strange spending priorities)

In the financial circumstances you describe, £15 is pretty tight.

The not good thing about having all dc born in November is that as they've got older ive been able to do a combined bday/Xmas big present accompanied by a few smaller presents like smellies, slippers, books. This year they have each had a £300 main present and about 3 small ones on birthday, with another 3 small ones at Xmas. So all in ive spent about £450/500 on each child.
But the youngest turns 21 next year (and will expect a significant pressie as the older ones have had) so ive said next year is the last year for 'big' presents.
After that I shall drop to somewhere around £100 combined, either something they ask for or a number of things I choose.
It's not so much the money for me, but the stress of Nov/Dec. If they needed something in June I'd happily help out, and luckily I don't have the sort of adult dc who keep tracks of who's getting what and how much it cost.

Not = only good!

It surprises me when people say a certain amount is tight. Presents for adults should, IMO, be what my Granny used to call 'a wee minding' A token to acknowledge the event.

I've never had a mum or dad or family to buy me a card or present in the first place.
I've never had a birthday party, the only birthday cakes I've ever had are ones I've bought myself. £15 in a card from a mum, I couldn't knock it tbh

I would be happy with a present worth £15 from my family but would be a bit to get that amount in cash but that’s because both my parents and me are very fortunate not to be hard up. The money would just disappear in the family pot and wouldn’t be much of a treat for me. If that £15 made a big difference (eg I could buy some treats in the weekly shop I wouldn’t usually be able to afford) that would be different.

I get £30 from my parents, dh gets £50 from his

My parents don't give me presents any more as I am a grown up and quite possibly have a bigger income than them!

My mum buys a gift in the region of £30-£70 for Christmas and birthdays, depends what I've asked for.

My dad (they are together) gives me £5k. It's IHT planning and he could give it any time, but likes to do it o my birthday.

I usually gIve my adult DC about £60 depending on what item they want, if there’s nothing they can think of it gets rolled up into the next occasion. DGC too young to understand pricing, he gets what one item he asks for.

DM and I give each other chocs,, toiletries etc to the value of £10.

I get this. my own mother will give me a 20 or 25e voucher. my mother in law will.give me 100e plus either make a nice dinner or bring me for lunch. she is very good to us in other ways too. I will make an effort with her too for her presents. I don't with my own mother. it's not that my mother can't afford she can I know. its the fact she puts little effort into my birthday. I dint mind how much people spend as long as you put in the effort. if I had adult children I would probably spend same as you

I get £300 for birthday and Christmas- I’m 45! I would never admit this to anyone IRL, it does seem like loads. They’re pretty well off though. My dad has a final salary pension and they’ve no mortgage. DH and me both get £50 off his mum and dad which is also generous.