Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

476 replies

flashbac · 01/12/2021 13:38

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/12/2021 20:23

To be fair, if we are lucky enough to keep our health and live to a ripe old age, we will likely need to move, it will become too much for us, it’s three acres and three stories, but the last owners were lucky enough to live here till their eighties. They were both sprightly but decided at that time to downsize as it was becoming too much. I’d hope to be the same. If we weren’t we would have to move, and if it was just one of us left, likely that person would need to move.

We may move closer to our daughter when we retire, but it depends where she is, she may move closer to London and us, we are early fifties now, and it’s a few years away to decide.

If we did move closer to her on retirement, we would move to another large house with a large garden, I’d not choose to downsize in my early sixties unless I had to.

SecretSunflower · 02/12/2021 20:32

My parents built their house and lived in it for 60 years. And now I intend to 'hog it' for another good few decades.

anwensmummy · 02/12/2021 20:44

It’s cute when talking about a rescue dog or cat finally getting a permanent home but not about people!

Merryweather80 · 02/12/2021 20:44

I'm disabled and physically can't do stairs now. I could do with a four bed family sized bungalow. They barely exist for less than one million where we are in the leafy shares.

Catsstillrock · 02/12/2021 20:53

My PIL bought a large family home, bigger than the one they raised their family in, when all their DC were over 30!

I think they were hoping their adult children come back stay for long periods with their own families and children.

Unfortunately PIL are controlling and hard work and their adult DC live a long way away deliberately so it didn’t happen.

Mig also have been about status / realising an ambition to own a house like that even though it was the wrong time of life to buy it.

10 years later they downsized to something more suitable for them.

There is a time when it’s worth buying the biggest and best home you can afford, when your children are young, to get the use as they grow up.

That’s what a forever home means to me. I fully plan to downsize in retirement.

RobertaFirmino · 02/12/2021 20:56

It's a hideous phrase. Forever homes, owned by people with perfect little famalams who make memories, dance like nobody's watching and have an obsession with life plans and 'perfect'.

bedheadedzombie · 02/12/2021 21:07

I have 1 dc who has a 2m x 3m bedroom. I doubt that her leaving will make such a difference to our lifestyle. Most people don't have a lot of kids. Our house was bought with the idea that we can install a stair lift or convert downstairs if needs be. Moving is expensive.

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2021 21:17

There is a time when it’s worth buying the biggest and best home you can afford, when your children are young, to get the use as they grow up.

Generally people do buy the best they can but what you can afford in your twenties and thirties can be very different to what you can afford in your forties and fifties.

Plus you know, we count too. We get the use of our home.

fetchacloth · 02/12/2021 21:18

@FriendWoes111

It's a gross turn of phrase
I agree, I loathe it.Hmm In fact I don't like forever anything much because nothing stays the same even if we want it to .Confused
ManicPixie · 02/12/2021 21:19

It’s not a phrase I’d use but I get the sentiment. I wish I could move into one already.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 02/12/2021 21:20

There is a time when it’s worth buying the biggest and best home you can afford, when your children are young, to get the use as they grow up

The biggest and best we can afford now, while the kids are young, is less than the biggest and best we’ll be able to afford once they’re out of the childcare stage.
We have a 4 bed with 3 kids under 9. I fully intend to upsize in a few years time when our disposable income is higher. Teens take up a lot of space!

bedheadedzombie · 02/12/2021 21:58

@RobertaFirmino

It's a hideous phrase. Forever homes, owned by people with perfect little famalams who make memories, dance like nobody's watching and have an obsession with life plans and 'perfect'.
Or people like me who grew up moving every two years, kept on doing that into afulthood and now just really don't want to do that anymore. I've never grown roots anywhere, I'm 42 and want to do that now.
Kteeb1 · 02/12/2021 22:28

What a strange thing to worry about. What on earth does it matter to you who lives where and what they call it when they do. Forever home means investing more longer term. Not that you'll die in it. We know we are only going to be on this house 5 or 10 years so we aren't going to buy the marble kitchen tops I really want. I'll do that when I retire to my home county. But what does it matter what I call it?

StoneofDestiny · 02/12/2021 23:07

If people are elderly and happen to own a large home they are happy in - good for them. My MIL has a 5 bed house she is happy in and the rooms are regularly used by visiting family. It's her home, she's paid for it and is happy there - can't even think why she should move.
I will keep my big house for my children and partners to visit too.
I've never had a 'forever home', that sounds like a home to die in to me - I prefer to think there might be another adventure round the corner.

StoneofDestiny · 02/12/2021 23:21

I do wonder if some people on here think that when you retire or are widowed etc you should go squeeze yourself into a small box! People buy larger houses, or stay in their large houses, because they entertain a lot, want the large downstairs space and have visiting family and friends they want to 'put up'. Life goes on.

milkyaqua · 02/12/2021 23:21

hogging a home too big for their needs

I think this sums up your intentions behind this thread. I find that attitude far more offensive than some twee marketing phrase like 'forever home.'

Mamanyt · 02/12/2021 23:35

I suppose it depends on what their "forever home" is. I am currently searching for mine...I want EITHER 3 bedrooms, or 2 bedrooms and both a living room and a family room. Depending on which I find, one bedroom or the living room will be fitted with built-in bookcases for my extensive library and as an office, leaving me with a bedroom for myself, and one for guests, whom I have fairly frequently. All on one level. My family tends to be very long-lived, and healthy as horses until they fall over dead in their late 90's or early 100s (yes, 5 of them). I don't see that as totally unreasonable.

ThousandsOfTulips · 03/12/2021 01:32

@RobertaFirmino

It's a hideous phrase. Forever homes, owned by people with perfect little famalams who make memories, dance like nobody's watching and have an obsession with life plans and 'perfect'.
Wow. That post reeks of bitterness.
Touchmybum · 03/12/2021 05:07

My parents lived in their 'forever home' all their married lives. The house had been in my mother's family for two generations (she was born there) and there was much about it that needed to be updated, and they did a huge refurb when they were able to.

To suggest that someone who has spent years paying a mortgage on the way to ownership of thei home, is "hogging" a home, is crass in the extreme! Very many of those stuck on the housing ladder (and I feel for them!) could never afford our 4 bed detached home.

My DS has just turned 18, and still living at home. My elder girls, in their early 20s, live away from home in term-time and come home during holidays! There is NO WAY that I am going to sell their childhood home from under their feet, no matter whether DH and I can get up the stairs!!!

Miisty · 03/12/2021 05:53

Moved from our largish 4bedroom home in the countryside with land to a 3bed house in small village This has bus service very near train station We looked at bungalows but all need DIY New bungalows built no garage how daft is that nowhere to build one

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2021 07:54

My husbands uncle is in his nineties, he lives in a five bedroom house, alone since his wife died, he’s lived there for sixty years, it’s his home, he’s part of the community, his children and grandchildren and family come visit. Why should he sell it and move?

The same with one of my neighbours, he’s younger in his eighties, his house is huge, his wife died, why should he sell and move, it’s his home. He bought and paid for it.

A house is much more than bricks and mortar. It’s a home. Filled with memories and possessions, the epicentre of a life, a community. If someone owns their home, it’s theirs to stay in as long as they wish.

Cheeseplantboots · 03/12/2021 10:23

Hogging? 😂. I have a five bed house. 3 kids. One severely disabled so he’ll possibly live here well into adulthood. We worked hard to buy it, renovate it and furnish it. Its taken years. I have a No plans to leave it until I absolutely have to. The previous owner was a 91 year lady who’d lived her 60 years, 25 of those alone. It’s my house, I’m not hogging it!

MrsBison · 03/12/2021 10:27

I find that people who hate the term forever home are those stuck in terraced houses, flats and/or are struggling financially. So I suspect those who hate the term are jealous of people who are successful enough to be able to afford a forever home. Smile

notacooldad · 03/12/2021 10:37

There is a time when it’s worth buying the biggest and best home you can afford, when your children are young, to get the use as they grow up
I'm not sure I agree all the way with this.
When the kids were small I bought a 3 bedroom semi. I could have afforded a bigger mortgage and a bigger house. However I didnt want a large proportion of my income going on mortgage repayments. I wanted plenty if spare money s that we could ha e loads of fun as a family. Also they could do ho bites without me worrying about the cost etc.
They have left home know and I am looking for a bigger house now I can spend the spare money on what I would really like.

notacooldad · 03/12/2021 10:39

Also they could do ho bites
Do hobbies!!