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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

476 replies

flashbac · 01/12/2021 13:38

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

OP posts:
helterskelters · 01/12/2021 14:00

And it's incredibly expensive to move!

ShesComeUndone · 01/12/2021 14:02

My parents are still in their four bed house and they are talking about an extension! They are in their seventies but they want to have space for everyone to visit. I think that most people who have grandchildren like to have the extra space.

Starcaller · 01/12/2021 14:02

And it's hardly 'hogging' to continue to live in your own home you've paid for and lived in for years Confused

FrazzledY9Parent · 01/12/2021 14:03

"unless a person is planning on being buried in the garden they will not be there forever" Grin

YANBU, it is an awful phrase, smug and tempting fate.

ComeAllYeFaithful · 01/12/2021 14:03

I fully intend to be here until I am old and grey. I love my home and hope it will be filled with family coming to stay at Christmas and grandchildren having regular sleepovers.

I will ‘hog’ the home I have paid all of my money into for as long as I jolly well like tyvm.

nitsandwormsdodger · 01/12/2021 14:04

Can’t afford to move so will have to die while still mobile 😆

RedHot22 · 01/12/2021 14:04

I don’t like the phrase but we are in ours.
Yes we did think about it and I fully intend to leave in a box

Mudflaps · 01/12/2021 14:04

My father is living in his house almost 60 years, it was his uncles house and during my father's teenage years he lived there either his uncle, small gap while he lived abroad but it is his forever home as far as he and us are concerned, we nursed my mother in that home and if necessary and possible would do the same for my father. The home will pass to a family member to raise another generation there, thankfully while it's a two story house it has a large bathroom and bedroom down stairs. To me a forever home means a place you are safe, contented and happy in.

tropicalwaterdiver · 01/12/2021 14:04

I think it's part of housing problems in the UK that people stay in family homes till death and it's not unique when 1 person lives in 3-4 bedroom house and doesn't want to downsize.

RedHot22 · 01/12/2021 14:05

Hog? Hmm

Original poster
flashbac · 01/12/2021 14:05

@LadyWithLapdog

We’ll downsize to the fanciest flat we can afford in central London. No point keeping a big garden and empty rooms. I’m sure we can accommodate DCs for occasional visits.
That's the spirit! More environmentally friendly too!
OP posts:
ThePoisonousMushroom · 01/12/2021 14:06

‘Tempting fate’… what on earth?! Surely no one thinks that by uttering the words ‘forever home’, the housing gods are going to come bounding along to put obstacles in their way? Grin

zafferana · 01/12/2021 14:07

I agree OP. I think you can't ever see more than 10 or 20 years into the future. A different stage of life may well necessitate a different home.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 01/12/2021 14:08

Haha. My 4 bed detached house in the midlands wouldn’t buy a shoe box in central London. I might get a garage.

claymodels · 01/12/2021 14:08

Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

I'm just 'living' in mine, not sure why that would be considered 'hogging' a home. It's my home!

But to answer your question, yes I absolutely do intend to live in this home until I die. Thanks.

Grimbelina · 01/12/2021 14:09

I hate the expression too for all sorts of reasons. Partly because I think people's fortunes can change dramatically and partly because it seems to suggest a lack of imagination that someone's life could be any different or better somewhere else.

55larry · 01/12/2021 14:11

We are in our forever home (unless we need to go into a care home) but we downsized to buy it to give us money to live on when we semi-retired and moved from the SE to the SW. We had lived in a 3 storey 4 bedroom Edwardian house which was too big when our two ds left home and bought a 3 bed detached house.

When we bought the Edwardian house we thought we would live there forever but things change and our current house is the right size for now and we have had the layout altered to allow us to live here in our old age e.g have had a walk-in shower and we have a straight staircase so could install a stairlift if necessary.

Bowlofhotslop · 01/12/2021 14:12

I think it is pretty selfish but also understandable that people want room for family to stay etc. Our village is full of older couples living in 4/5 bedroom houses, often retiring here from the south and now there are hardly ever family sized houses on the market and when they do come up the prices are ridiculous. There aren’t enough smaller homes/bungalows but many of these people wouldn’t choose them anyway.

RedHot22 · 01/12/2021 14:12

I’m not sure what’s meant by ‘tempting fate’ and ‘fortunes changing?’

I want to stay here because I like it, and my friends and family are near.

Minceandonions · 01/12/2021 14:12

I want to be in our house for 20 years, so might refer to it in those terms, but don't literally mean forever.

Bideshi · 01/12/2021 14:12

@SparklyLeprechaun

It might be a bit of a misnomer, but what's this about "hogging a house"? I'm not hogging anything, I'll live in my own house for as long as I want and it's nothing to do with anyone else.
Absolutely this. I don't think my reliquishing this freezing ramshackle money pits going to do anything for the housing shortage anyway. And it's not a commodity. It's my home.

And, yes, totally planning to stay here. This is where the hearse will leave from. Agree about the term 'Forever home' though. With you on that at least.

Squills · 01/12/2021 14:12

I've moved 28 times in my life and now intend to stay where I am.

I don't know why this is seen as 'hogging' a home. I've paid for it, it's mine and I intend to live in it as long as I can.

BigWoollyJumpers · 01/12/2021 14:12

@tropicalwaterdiver

I think it's part of housing problems in the UK that people stay in family homes till death and it's not unique when 1 person lives in 3-4 bedroom house and doesn't want to downsize.
I don't think it is a huge problem really. DM's road of small three bedroom terraces are exclusively populated by wealthy down-sizers. Much sough after to the point that they get people knocking on doors to see if they want to sell. The are located in a small village next to shops, hairdressers, doctors. A lot of elderlies sell their large houses to buy something smaller, next to amenities without the need for a car, and easier to look after.
Chely · 01/12/2021 14:13

Damn right I want my forever home. We rented then bought and want the next purchase to be the last move.
Homes can be adapted if mobility becomes an issue as we age but we will work hard on maintaining our fitness.

Goatinthegarden · 01/12/2021 14:14

DH and I don’t plan to have children so presumably our house, which suits our needs just now, will still suit our needs in 50 years (if we’re still alive). We have a four bedroom home. Not having children means we have work and hobbies that utilise all the spare rooms.

Moving is expensive and takes a lot of effort. I like my location and I love my home. I’d be quite happy to think this will be the last house I live in. I appreciate I might go into a care facility at some point though.

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