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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

476 replies

flashbac · 01/12/2021 13:38

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

OP posts:
FootieMama · 02/12/2021 17:43

My house has been extended to fit my need for a large open-plan kitchen/ diner/ lounge . When the kids move out I have a plan to create a larger shower room somewhere downstairs making into entirely accessible downstairs and create a flat upstairs to rent or leave it for guests depending on the state of my pension Grin. So I have no plans to move.

Joesmummy1 · 02/12/2021 17:51

The vast majority of people are in denial. They think I they are heading somewhere. When in reality we’ll all be toast in a few years. Hence terms like forever home and ‘the long term’

Bib1234 · 02/12/2021 17:52

I am absolutely going to ‘hog’ my home that I have worked hard to build and rattle around it when my 6 children have left home - but they’ll always be plenty of room for them and their families to come home

Bib1234 · 02/12/2021 17:54

And my 82 year old mum still lives in her lovely 4 bedroom house that my dad literally built for us 46 years ago - she has a walk in shower and a stair lift, I help her clean and tidy and she is happy ❤️

Bleachmycloths · 02/12/2021 17:58

Who forgets they’re going to die?

Bleachmycloths · 02/12/2021 18:00

Cancel that. I thought it said ‘die’ not ‘age’ lol

Chipsahoy · 02/12/2021 18:00

We are just buying ours. Intend to knock down the barn on it and build a bungalow for us live in when we are old. But you know life happens. We hope it’s forever but of course it may not be.
It’s just a phrase.

buzzkaye · 02/12/2021 18:00

We had a 3 bed house .had a 3 bed extension about 12 years ago .our birth children have all moved out, we now foster but this is my forever home.we have been here since 1987.
I dint feel we are not hogging anything .we have worked bloody hard for our cozy house.people these days .have loads of kids .then complain not enough room.in the house .well the answer is don’t keep having more .while you in a house that you feel is not big enough.I love my house and won’t give it up .she. I’m gone it will go to my children who can do what they want with it .

Kendodd · 02/12/2021 18:01

Completely agree OP. I just don't get the emotional attachment to a pile of bricks and a roof.

Kendodd · 02/12/2021 18:03

I love my house
How can you love a house?
I hate to break it to you but that house doesn't give a shit about you.

mustlovegin · 02/12/2021 18:07

I just don't get the emotional attachment to a pile of bricks and a roof

What's your house like? If you had a nice home perhaps you would feel more attached to it

SouthernMamma · 02/12/2021 18:07

My current home is my forever home meaning yes I will be rattling around in it for quite a while enjoying the space after having lived in a 3 bedder with 4 kids and 4 pets under my feet for years. Not sure I'll make it out of here at the age of 100 like the last resident though and yes it is too big for my needs but not my wants!

ThePoisonousMushroom · 02/12/2021 18:08

@Kendodd

I love my house How can you love a house? I hate to break it to you but that house doesn't give a shit about you.
I don’t think people who love their houses expect any feelings in return Grin. You can love a house, just as you can hate one.
Sarbears28 · 02/12/2021 18:10

My husband and I are in our, if you want to say 'forever home' in that we have no intention of ever moving. We live in a 3bed semi with our 2 (to be 3 soon) DC. Our house is perfect, we love our area, our neighbours/community (all our neighbours have been here for 10, 20, 30yrs+) when we are old and can no longer do stairs a stair lift will be fitted...I can not envision a time that we will leave this house. I always want to have spare rooms and a place my DC and if we are blessed with grandchildren can come and stay.

JonSnowIsALoser · 02/12/2021 18:12

@tropicalwaterdiver
The problem with housing in the UK is not people staying in their own family homes - in many other countries people stay in their family homes for generations. The problem in the UK is that homes are treated as an investment and that the few people who can afford it buy multiple homes to rent out, thus 'hogging' the housing and outpricing potential buyers. Or, even worse, buying new-built homes and keeping them empty, purely as an investment.

godmum56 · 02/12/2021 18:12

@Kendodd

Completely agree OP. I just don't get the emotional attachment to a pile of bricks and a roof.
me either. I am VERY attached to my garden though but I know that I will leave it when I buy my forever home.
SoSoTiredToday · 02/12/2021 18:13

I live in what may well be my forever home! It's a big family home for me,DH and 2 DCs! 4 bed! But also a bungalow!! So when I'm 90 I will not have to contend with stairs!!! (Might need to downsize though or rent out a room as 4 bed might be excessive! Time will tell! ...) Xmas Smile

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 02/12/2021 18:13

People need to remember that stairlifts aren't suitable for all mobility issues.

godmum56 · 02/12/2021 18:14

@mustlovegin

I just don't get the emotional attachment to a pile of bricks and a roof

What's your house like? If you had a nice home perhaps you would feel more attached to it

my house is very nice....but I don't "love" it I haven't loved any of my homes and don't expect to love the next one I buy either. Enjoying owning a particular house because it helps you to live the life you want is not "loving your home"
Fizzypeas · 02/12/2021 18:15

A forever home doesn’t need to be huge just somewhere you want to live forever.

Oldies having a big house can be useful if they have a big family who come over a lot.

Mandyjack · 02/12/2021 18:17

I don't believe in 'forever' homes. It might be your dream home at the time you buy it but we never know if our situation is going to change. We buy a house that's right for us at the time and try to plan ahead for the next few years but if our plans change we sell and move.

Valeriekat · 02/12/2021 18:20

Wow...hogging your own house really? It has never been easy to get on the housing ladder for most people. We made a LOT of sacrifices to buy our first home.

calvados · 02/12/2021 18:28

Twee terminology aside, what do you mean by ‘hogging’ a home too big for their needs? Should we force people out of their homes so that someone like you can occupy it as your needs outweigh theirs?

maybloss2 · 02/12/2021 18:30

Forever home is a selling trick. I’ve moved loads so far. Tho I was pretty stable when my kids were growing up.
I would like to say to the poster who mentioned an open house for her bil- my brother had this option and was still constantly in chaos caused by him never being able to manage money at all. This could be that whereas us girls were taught ‘responsible’ habits from early on, he as the youngest and only male was not. However the point is having a base camp constantly there -made no difference, in fact seemed to enable his wayward behaviour.
I currently I live in a big house but am already planning to downsize when my youngest stepson finishes school and no longer needs to be in the town we currently live in. But some people want to keep a place where various family members can all converge at. It can be quite a loss to all concerned when this is no longer available, particularly if they live in smaller places themselves. So some families see the ‘big’ house of grandparents as a resource for all of them, and will help older parents maintain it with this view in mind.

MilduraS · 02/12/2021 18:34

I suppose you think I'm hogging a house. DH and I are in a 3 bed and looking for a 4 bed. We have no intention of having children. Just a guest room and an office/hobby room each. If we could find a 2 bed with spacious reception rooms (plural) we'd snap it up but they don't seem to exist.