Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

[flashbac]

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

I think it depends on the person. My DHs grandma has lived in her house for over 70 years, she's 92 now and has no plans to move despite the stairs. It was the home she bought with her late husband, the home she raised her children in, spent time with her grandchildren in and it has all her memories. If she's happy where she is, then who gets to say that she should leave because she's elderly. She isn't a hogging a home, it's hers. Fully paid off and has been for many years. She wants to leave it to her son (who owns his own house with mil) so he can either pass it on to his own children, or sell it and use the money to enjoy his life.

Whilst I personally don't see myself ever buying a forever home, as I'm a bit of a mover and enjoy new things and places. I can see the appeal for others.

What's your house like? If you had a nice home perhaps you would feel more attached to it

I live in the country, it's an old farmhouse style place. It does well for now while we have lots of people living in it using almost every room.

We've decided ours is our forever home. We've done a huge amount to it and it would take years to get that back again. 5/6 bed but then that means plenty of room for grown up children and grandchildren and if we can't manage the stairs later we can always just use the ground floor. I don't understand the issue.

Anyway I think there would be a bigger problem if everyone moved out of their large houses and into smaller 2/3 bed ones. How can people move up the ladder if more retired cash buyers are competing by coming back down it?

I wouldn't use the term forever home but certainly we bought this home with the intention of staying for life. I don't feel I'm hogging a home we have bought in anyway. Yes it's three story's so we might struggle when we get older but thats what stair lifts are for. We do have a toilet on every floor though. We can't imagine downsizing, we would always want room for our kids or grandkids to sleep.

My in laws downsized to a bungalow and yes it was a good move for them, more so because they are closer to us. But they have made it difficult for their DD and SIL who are not local have somewhere to stay and also our own teen children. All of which stayed regularly in their old house.

Im living in my forever home.

Its a cottage. No stairs. My legs will be fine. Im hoping one of the kids will stay here . They are already the 5th generation to do so.

We bought a bungalow. I can be upgraded and changed to our needs. I've not use the term but if feels like it could be our forever home. But then I'm not sentimental either so who knows.

Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

I worked hard to buy and renovate my large 5 bed detached home. Why should I leave it just because I am in my 70s. I love my house. We like to spread out in it. I have my craft room and my husband has his office. If the day ever comes when we cannot get up the stairs we will buy a stairlift or have a lift put in. We will not be leaving it just because you think we are hogging it.

It's not a phrase I would use but I understand the sentiment. Why must everyone downsize immediately that their children leave home? What happens then if one or more grown up children need to come home to live for some reason, long term or temporarily? What happens when the children have families of their own and want to visit? Not everyone lives near enough to their parents to pop there and back in a day. My parents have a 5 bedroom house which they've owned for about 35 years. They aren't rattling around at all and it's nice that I can visit them with my family and stay for a week as they live about 400 miles away from where we live.

Our house is so much more than just the size of it - we love the garden and the farmland / woodland, the extra space for elderly parents or adult children to live should they need to in the future. We anticipate being here a very long time so I suppose it is our "forever home" and i'm happy about that.

I'm not sure why I should sell my 4 bed house that me and my husband have worked hard for, opposite where his grandparents lived and 2 houses down from where my great grandparents lived, just so we don't 'hog'. It's ours. We've saved for it, done it up and paid for it. My child, and hopefully more to come, and their children will always be welcome here.

My dad lives in the house he was born in, even though he left and then returned. He will be carried out in a box as everything he needs is on the ground floor.
Many people have challenged him for living in such a big house. They can all keep their nosy business to themselves. He will be staying where he is as it makes the most sense to our family. People don't like it. Tough.

@IndieR22

I'm not sure why I should sell my 4 bed house that me and my husband have worked hard for, opposite where his grandparents lived and 2 houses down from where my great grandparents lived, just so we don't 'hog'. It's ours. We've saved for it, done it up and paid for it. My child, and hopefully more to come, and their children will always be welcome here.

And just to add, it's our first home and the only one we ever hope to have.

We will be “hogging” our 4 bed house that we worked and struggled bloody hard to afford, for as long as we want thanks.

Friends of my parents lived in a 3bdr council house all their lives, were very happy, had made a beautiful garden that was their pride and joy and had an excellent supportive network of neighbours and friends. Unfortunately, they were forced to move to a 1 bdr bungalow with a miniscule garden of rough grass and it ruined the last couple of years of their lives. They didn't have the strength to make a new garden, had no support network and no room for family or friends to stay over. They had to eat from trays as neither the kitchen nor sitting room big enough for a table. This meant the lady couldn't continue her hobby of making soft furnishings as there was no place to use her sewing machine. Her husband had spent hours in his garden and just sat in his chair feeling depressed.
This is the reality for many who are forced to downsize and home owners who are "hogging" their privately owned homes shouldn't be made to feel guilty for wanting to enjoy the peace and space that they have worked for.

Also, they were in their late 80s when forced to move. It was so cruel.

“ Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?
What is a 'forever home'?”

If they own it. It is no one else business.

I don't think anyone forgets they re going to age! I don't see anything wrong with the term. It just means somewhere you intend to settle.
My DStepmum still lives in the home she bought with my dad in the 80s. It's a 4 bed detached and suits her perfectly well. She loves her home and sees no reason to leave a house she owns outright. She has no intention of downsizing. She is 77 but a long way from frail old woman who can't manage the stairs and she doesn't ' rattle about' in it - it's not a mansion - it's just an ordinary house that used to accommodate more people than it does now.
Likewise, we bought our current home 3 years ago. I don't use the term forever home but I don't intend on leaving it at any point even if the DC's do move on. We'll be paying for it till we retire, then we will enjoy it. ( And I might even get the bloody wallpaper up by then!)

It always amazes me when I see people who are in their retirement years but not ‘old’, asking for a house with a big garden for their FOREVER HOME. Personally, I see the ideal time to choose your ‘last property’ is once you aren’t tied to a particular area for work etc., but while you are still able to make contacts/friends if you are moving away. We bought a 3 bed 2 bath bungalow when I was 63. Sadly my DH died less than 3 years later, but we both knew it had been a good move. I have lots of friends and activities, the garden is a reasonable size and I can manage it by myself at the moment. I am 71, but extremely fit and active. I have seen people who have stayed in their family home, but have not thought about how they would manage should they become disabled. If and when that happens, it’s often too late and too difficult to organise. I wouldn’t have been able to look after my DH at home until he died, as we both desired, had we stayed where we used to live.

My parents are still in my childhood home, they actually find it a bit small now there are grand children and spouses visiting.

@Kendodd

I love my house How can you love a house? I hate to break it to you but that house doesn't give a shit about you.

It’s how we like it .my babies were born and bought up here .its the family home , it holds memories .my children all come back every other Sunday for a big family dinner .we only owe less than 10 il stay here till the end of my time .as it’s our happy home

A lot of people seem to be assuming that as soon as you hit 70 your legs stop working. The majority of people, even late into their eighties, can manage stairs. Those who can’t get stairlifts.

Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die

I mean.. Hogging? We have a house "too big for our needs". We worked for it. We aren't about to give it up for a bigger family I also have too many shoes for one woman, some not worn for years at a time, but I have no plans on letting go of those either.

I designed and had my house built..it was designed to be our forever home, I have no intention on selling it. It's not too big at all.

My father downsized. It meant that when he started needing more help, a live in carer wasn’t a starter, there was nowhere for them to live-in

@Bluntness100

The other thing is this is my daughters family home. She no longer lives here but comes back to stay often, it’s her family home, she still has her bedroom, her toiltetries in her en-suite, shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, tampons, her tooth brush,, her child hood cuddly toys in the room, still some clothes in the wardrobe, the stuff she wears when here, fleeces, leggings, underwear etc.

Yes guests use it, but it’s still her room, if we downsized any new place, it would no longer be her family home, any spare room would be hard to get that vibe back as hers, because she’d lived here. That’s what makes this her home, she lived here.

I noticed with my divorced friends, in their new two bed houses, their kids no longer have a family home, they no longer have their childhood bedrooms. They visit their parents, but the spare rooms are not theirs, they do not belong, their stuff is not in the drawers or wardrobes.

Now I fully understand that it’s a luxury and a privilege to have a family home, to still have your own bedroom but with your adult stuff there, even though you live elsewhere, but it’s not a luxury and a privilege I would give up for her unless I really had to.

This is such an important thing and exactly what I want for my children when they are older. I was moved around so much as a child, it was awful.

Fortunately I am divorced already so own my home on my own, and I shalln't be moving from it when my children leave. They will always have a home here to come back to, with all of their childhood memories.