Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

[flashbac]

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

To me it means a house for the longterm. We are in our first home and have been here 3 years. I would have liked to move this year but due to circumstances will likely be here for another 5 years. I would then like to move to a bigger home near to a good high school or at least a house with potential to extend.

I wonder about climbing the housing ladder?
A friend bought a 3 bedroomed semi detached new build house in 1968 and still lives there. She paid £2,900 for the house.
We had similar to start with and climbed the housing ladder with quite a few job moves. We were always fairly conservative on how much more expensive each new property was. We ended up in a very nice barn conversion in a more expensive part of the country.
When I think how much we have paid out in moving costs, solicitors, stamp duty and associated costs plus refurbing properties I wonder. We have also paid much higher mortgages than my friend who has been mortgage free for 40 years.
I recon they have more money in the bank than us and have had a much better lifestyle for many of those years even though their income has been much less than ours.

Haven’t read the whole thread but agree with the original post.

We will pretty much all grow old. Some people who acquire disabilities can end up feeling trapped in housing that’s unsuitable for their needs. Or they are forced to move by being unable to manage the steps up to their home, or suddenly cannot drive and realize that all facilities require navigating a huge hill. A neighbour lost her husband and her health deteriorated, then she fell down the many steps up to her front door and broke her hip. We all did our best to support her but going forward she was pretty much trapped in her own four walls and never really went out again. We did our best but it must have felt very lonely. If she had been in a bungalow on the flat by the shops, she could have maintained some independence, but they cost a lot more as they are very much in demand.

I wish our housing stock was more suited to people with disabilities, that it was cheaper to move to a suitable house, and that retirement housing did not have all those extra charges. I can understand people not wanting to move to a more suitable place for their needs if there are unreasonable extra charges, as it is a point in life when people move from a salary to a fixed income. I live in a place that’s perfect for me at the moment but when I retire I’m looking forward to moving to a new home, although it is something of a minefield to find the right place.

@LadyWithLapdog

The reality for many elderly people in big houses is that they live in one room, commode in the same room, carers making a sandwich or soup but bringing it into the same room to eat and so on. The rest of the house cold and the garden wild. It’s not about a 20 minute lovely walk to the town centre, it’s whether you can make it to the loo or the kitchen. It’s not a nice thing to think about and I can see there’s hostility and denial. I don’t see it as jogging, more like just why?

This.

The answer is that we need more retirement villages.

@Buddywoo don't people climb the housing ladder because they need or want the extra space? I realize 'need' is a loaded term, in my mind, a family of 3/4 doesn't need a 5 bed house but maybe if they had a lot of pets and hobbies and the parents wfh and the extended family regularly came to stay, maybe they need it? Maybe they don't spend a lot of time out of the house.

Otherwise I don't' really see the point of buying a bigger house from a financial point of view. Surely the money would be better spent on investments? Even BTL. This is assuming of course that you don't have loads of spare cash.

@flashbac I am not sure old people like retirement villages. How many 'old' people like to admit they are old.

I think big flats where the communal garden is split into private allotments would be better. It would be suitable for FTB and young families too.

There is a lot of difference between people in their 60s that need hobby rooms, do gardening, entertain guests and people that live in one room and use commodes who are more generally well into their 80s or 90s. Not many 60 year olds are ready to move into a small bungalow

The answer is that we need more retirement villages

My grandmother was looking to downsize (3 bed semi) when her husband died… she’s 90. There is a retirement village close to us but a 1 bed apartment in the retirement village cost £75,000 more than her 3 bed house was valued at. She can’t afford it. She spent a couple of grand having a stair lift fitted and her bathroom converted to a wet room instead.

@RedHot22

I’m laughing at ‘bungalow leg’ Who knew there was such a thing

Ditto ‘bungalow knees’.

My folks moved to a bungalow when they were only mid 60s - not because they particularly wanted a bungalow, but because it was all they could find in their chosen area.

After about 3 years they decided they didn’t like the area after all, and moved again - to a house. And found that lack of stairs had seriously affected their ability to take them in their stride, I.e. more or less effortlessly. That did of course return eventually, but it did give them a bit of a shock.

As per my pp, my DM was still well able to manage stairs when she finally moved to a care home at 89 (dementia). I do realise that she was luckier than many, though.

As it has been pointed out to me that I am hogging my 5 bedroomed 3 storey terraced house I have just been on rightmove to look at bungalows.
All I can get for what I would sell this house for is a two bedroomed bungalow in a nearby run down seaside town. The houses in my price bracket are also horribly decorated so I would have to pay out for help with redecorating.
I have this house how I like it, so no thank you.
Also the very reserved Mumsnetters who won't even answer their doors or chat to their neighbours aren't going to metamorphosize into old ladies who would enjoy living in a retirement village.
I don't particularly want someone yelling "Yoohooo!" at my window when I want to read, watch a film,etc.
I do like to invite people I enjoy seeing at a time that's convenient.
This is another example of the ageist stereotyping on MN-just move on and make way for someone more important.

I have a lot of aged relatives in their 80 s

There is one moved into a home

And the rest are fit , active people

And they have lots of fit active friends

I think you are way overestimating the physical decline of the elderly

Many live quite easily till they die in their homes. Around 10% may need to move to sheltered accommodation or a home for care

Sone may spend their last year or so ill in a home that is less convenient /suitable but they love for the memories , that was my dad

Probably only a small percentage would be in the situation assumed here by many that they would be able to live independently but for the size of home they have

Our house is probably our 'forever home'. It's fairly small in a location we love but with x3 big bedrooms.

It's big enough for our dcs to live here until their 30s if they needed too, but small enough for us to live happily in as a couple (was perfect size pre dc).

We've considered what will happen when we age and as this house has a tiny garden and downstairs bathroom it would suit us well as pensioners. It's also very close to shops and public transport.

You seem to have a signficant issue with people staying in large homes op, 😂😂😂

Well we will stay in ours till it becomes physically not possible any more. Many others will stay in theirs forever.

Something to stomach really. All these wealthy older people in their large homes,..

All those wealthy older people OP seems jealous of who were at one time poor and many of whom don't realise how much wealth is in their homes , homes that they struggled to buy , it's not thier fault house prices have soared

( I blame the decline of council housing and multiple hone ownership if you are interested )

( it's always quite funny when one of my mam old friends dies when those left find out how much the home is being sold for. )

The answer is that we need more retirement villages.

I would rather be dead than live in a retirement village! No I'll stay in my family home until they carry me out feet first I'm afraid, even if the OP deems it too big for one old lady.

I don’t think people literally mean forever, just a home they plan to raise their family in, which is big enough to accommodate the kids when they’re teens and young adults (a lot of young adults still live at home while they save up).

Forever home to me means not having to move for the next 20 years, even if we have a 3rd child. Being somewhere with good transport links and job opportunities, plenty of outdoor space and parking, schools nearby etc.

It's just a turn of phrase that means "I plan to live here for the foreseeable future".

I bloody love my house. It isn't big or grand, it isn't worth a lot, but it is perfect for us. I plan to live here unless my health necessitates a move (and I would make adaptations to the house in preferenceto moving if I could). I don't feel obliged to move out when the dc move out, dp and I lived here before we had dc and I don't feel a small 3 bed is excessive for a couple.

Clearly OP has her own agenda here.

I’m not sure why it’s more environmentally friendly for the person to move from their big house to an expensive flat in central
London? Their big house Will still exist- someone else will just live in it????

@User63896578

There is a lot of difference between people in their 60s that need hobby rooms, do gardening, entertain guests and people that live in one room and use commodes who are more generally well into their 80s or 90s. Not many 60 year olds are ready to move into a small bungalow

It seems to be late 70s many of our family start to have issues or even later - by which time they don't want the upheaval of moving of dealing with unknowns in new houses like having to get people in to do work or redecorate.

I think late 50 early 60s they all looked and all decided they were happy with what they had and it wasn't worth the hassle and amounts of money that might be freeded up could easily be used up if work was needed in new house and with moving costs.

I moved into my forever/long-term home in 2020 and to me, it means I haven't thought about the re-sell value when buying for the house. If I was going to sell I wouldn't have installed the flooring as I love it but if I was selling soon it may put people off as it isn't neutral. I've also bought expensive fixtures that I wouldn't be able to take with me as I know I'll enjoy them for many years to come.

I bought a house just big enough so I won't be rattling around in it I'll just be enjoying it.

My grandma was managing the stairs at 96.

If I sold my three bedroomed semi, I still wouldn't be able to afford a bungalow...

@Idrinklotsofcoffee

I moved into my forever/long-term home in 2020 and to me, it means I haven't thought about the re-sell value when buying for the house. If I was going to sell I wouldn't have installed the flooring as I love it but if I was selling soon it may put people off as it isn't neutral. I've also bought expensive fixtures that I wouldn't be able to take with me as I know I'll enjoy them for many years to come.

I bought a house just big enough so I won't be rattling around in it I'll just be enjoying it.

This is what forever home means to me too. It’s creating your ideal home with only yourself in mind.

I have also put down flooring which was a ridiculous cost - but I love it. It’s not particularly on trend - but I don’t care. It brings me joy!

I am also planting the garden out with things that might take a decade to mature. I am pretty sure I will still be here

The answer is that we need more retirement villages

No we don’t. Who wants to live in a geriatric ghetto? Not me, that’s for sure.

We've had this house for 38 years. The children are grown and gone but we have no intention of moving. It's a lovely house in a lovely location, most of our neighbors have been here 10+ years and are friendly.
We had a stair lift put in when I became disabled so there is no problem with stairs. We have enough room to run our business from here and the children and grandchildren can come and stay whenever they like.
Why would we move and downsize?

I've bought it I'll stay in it till I drop, I'm not hogging anything we've worked for it and when we are gone the kids can have it to do with as they please, for now there's always room for visitors or grandkids to stay.