Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

[flashbac]

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

I don't quite understand "Forever homes". Weve recently moved into our "next 10years house". Well we say that... we will stay in this area until youngest finishes school. After that, we don't know.

However actually staying in one place for 10years is a massive change from our 7 homes in 3 countries life of the preceeding 10 years!

Kirsty and Phil lingo to sell their program

😂

It's such a cringey and twee saying 🤢🤢

I don't like the terminology but for me it means they are done with the housing ladder and found somewhere they are happy with long term. We knew we didn't intend to stay long in our last two houses. We moved a few weeks back and this is intended to be for the long term. I have no interest in climbing the housing ladder further, barring lottery wins!

It's a gross turn of phrase

I find the concept a bit daft too, we also go for the "next ten/twenty years house" timescale and fully intend to downsize once the children have fledged the nest.

@flashbac

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something? What is a 'forever home'?

There aren’t enough bungalows available for everyone to downsize into one when they get old, sadly. One of my parents has been looking for one for years but they rarely come on the market and when they do they’re snapped up within hours. So yes, some people are stuck in properties where they can’t manage the stairs. I can’t get my head around a ‘forever home’, but that’s because I’ve lived in 4 countries so far and can’t imagine committing to staying in one area! Some people I know whose children have left home have kept their bigger houses (3-4 beds, not mansions) so there is space for their children/grandchildren etc to visit.

DH and I are just in the process of buying one of these. We mean one we won't outgrow as a family, and are prepared to spend money on to get exactly how we want it. Obviously we'll reevaluate when we retire. But 30 years feels pretty 'forever' right now!

‘hogging’ give over

It might be a bit of a misnomer, but what's this about "hogging a house"? I'm not hogging anything, I'll live in my own house for as long as I want and it's nothing to do with anyone else.

‘Forever home’ to me just means a house that I will live in long-term, not necessarily forever. Although having said that, houses these days can be modified with stairlifts and alsorts to accommodate older age. And not all older people wish to downsize so I suppose ‘forever homes’ do exist for some people.

My DPs have been in their house 59 years so far.
They aren't 'rattling around they are enjoying their home, including for my 91yo DF pottering in his workshop, doing carpentry.

I think the term just means someone is seeing the house as being their home for the long term, and not just a stepping stone. A lot of first time buyers purchase flats but only because they want to get on the ladder and can't buy a house at the moment. Once you've got a house that is big enough for your family and is in a nice area that you want to live in, you stop aiming to move in a few years.

Forever home’ to me just means a house that I will live in long-term, not necessarily forever.

Yes. The phrase should be Long Term Home, not Forever Home

Dh and bought our 'forever home' last year. I'm 38. We relocated from another country back to my home country. We love the house, the location, it's perfect for us. Have 1 dc and won't have anymore. We won't be moving again, unless when we're old we need residential care. We're also mortgage free now so won't be upsizing and even when dc leaves home we wouldn't downsize as it's not big enough to downsize from (3 bed semi).

I think it could mean different things to different people. For me a forever home means having everything you want on your wish list in terms of area and house that it would be ok to stay in it long term or forever: you cannot see yourself out growing it and needing to move again. I recognise ones needs could change in old age, for me that still feels like a long way away (in my 30’s) so I may not need to plan for that now and people physically age at different times.

I think we just like to skirt over or avoid thinking about being old and being stuck living downstairs or with loads of empty rooms or ending up in a care home.

I hope to move to a 'forever' home next year i.e. one large enough for my long term needs and that I like enough to put money into to make it ideal for me and remain in for as long as I can (bar any major unexpected lifestyle changes). I use that term because it is the accepted turn of phrase that everyone understands. Of course in old age it might not last and I think everyone is aware of that.

Personally I hate the saying but not the sentiment.

I live in a large three bed and we've converted one of two reception rooms into a bedroom so the 3 dc have one each.

I have no desire to move and would happily live here for the rest of my life. Obviously opinions change and I'm not arrogant enough to declare we'll never change our minds and move to a 2 bed bungalow later in life. But I have vaguely thought that if the stairs became too much in many years we could convert the downstairs toilet to a shower room (it's large) and use the downstairs bedroom. Seems faintly ridiculous to have thought of this as I'm 35 😂 but it has crossed my mind.

I wouldn't move out 'just because' the 3dc have left home though. Ideally I'd like to retain a house big enough for visitors or so that any of my dc at ANY age could move back in if needed. Dh was kicked out at 16 which led to several years of chaos - and his brother has moved in and out of their mums home a number of times with MIL 'goodnaturedly' moaning about how he can't stay long each time. It's sad, BILs life is chaotic and I think having an open invite of being able to stay with MIL would have done him the world of good and greatly assisted in him getting his life together. I keep my mouth shut but it's left quite a deep impression on me and I've (internally) vowed that my dc will always have a home with us if needed, regardless of circumstance. And I tell the older ones this regularly.

I just take it as meaning, we have no plans to move soon, nobody lives forever so unless a person is planning on being buried in the garden they will not be there forever.

We’ll downsize to the fanciest flat we can afford in central London. No point keeping a big garden and empty rooms. I’m sure we can accommodate DCs for occasional visits.

It irritates me- unless said in the context of adopting a dog.

As well as being a bit twee etc, I don't think the idea is very helpful for people who might benefit from moving to a different home. For example, my MIL is in her 70s and lives alone in a family sized house. She has loads of friends that she sees, but gets lonely at times and misses having other people around to watch TV with/chat to over breakfast etc. There are lots of things around the house that she can't do herself now and she worries about something happening (burst pipe etc) when we are not able to get to her to sort things out for her. I think she would be much happier in some sort of retirement village with independent units but some communal areas and other people to look after maintenance etc. She could afford it but a big part of her reason for not looking is that she always intended her current home to be her 'forever home'.

Our next house is likely to be our last and we have decided that it will certainly be accessible having seen my Mum confined to the downstairs of her house within 5 years of buying it.
My very fit 65 year old Aunt recently bought a bungalow and my mum said to her “but you dint need a bungalow” to which she explained that she didn’t yet but if she ever did she already had one

I mean i have a 3 bedroom house as i have 2 DC, then when they move out it's not so big I'll be rattling about in it, it just means I'll have 2 spare bedrooms i can use for my own purposes, possibly for people to stay, for grandchildren if that happens, for a hobby maybe?

You would hate me then! Council 3 bed and not downsizing when the kids move out , they will have a bedroom each here if they want it. Pay rent and have decorated etc. Yes I’m hogging it but we had our share of time in cramped houses waiting for an old person to die so we could get this one 🤣

What if they have family and friends to visit and stay a lot? My parents live in a very big house but they have people staying all the time! A big part of their social life is having friends and family from all over the UK and overseas coming to stay. Life in a small house or bungalow doesn't suit every older couple. It's entirely dependent on lifestyle. My grandparents lived in their 6-bedroom farmhouse until they both died, and again entertained lots right up until the end. They would have hated to be in a bungalow.