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Original poster

Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

476 replies

flashbac · 01/12/2021 13:38

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

OP posts:
magicstar1 · 01/12/2021 14:14

Well DH and I aren't having children, and we bought a 3 bed home. We love the area and intend to stay here forever. We like the space, garden, large shed etc. and have no intentions of moving to a flat or bungalow unless medically necessary in the future.

DaisyNGO · 01/12/2021 14:16

@flashbac

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something? What is a 'forever home'?
My parents are in their 80s

Poor health, yes

But it means family can stay, carers if necessary. They get to keep the home where they raised us. It is a source of happiness.

At one stage, they fell for the downsizing narrative and looked at flats but realised it was wrong for them.

Are you picturing really vast houses? This is 3 beds and a box room.

A stair lift can be fitted if need be.

PurpleIndigoViolet · 01/12/2021 14:16

It makes me cringe too, and yes definitely sounds like tempting fate. No one wants to dwell on the negatives but surely so many things - serious illness, divorce, unemployment etc - can lead to a change if plan somewhere down the line. And the phrase ‘forever home’ blithely sweeps all this aside.

And if we’re being literal then surely someone’s ‘forever home’ is the final one they’ll live in ever. And so for many people their forever home will be a nursing or care home! (Yes I know people don’t mean the phrase literally but it still grates on me!)

Rugsofhonour · 01/12/2021 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

TakeYourFinalPosition · 01/12/2021 14:17

Some people do. My in-laws have been “rattling around” in their home since DH left. They bought a bigger house when they were expecting him, because his mum hoped for more children; but it didn’t happen for them. Then they didn’t move when he left home, or did uni, or anything. Now they are in their 70s and admit struggling with the stairs and no downstairs bathroom, but FIL does not want to move, he feels too settled. And MIL would move, but not to anywhere that’s either practical or affordable for them.

They wouldn’t see it as hogging a bigger house though. They’ve got two spare rooms - one is set up as a spare room; and one as an office. They looked at flats just after lockdown as it’d be easier for them to manage, especially MIL as she’s started to suffer with her joints, but they wanted to keep their spare rooms and their private garden etc…

Rugsofhonour · 01/12/2021 14:17

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
flashbac · 01/12/2021 14:18

English Housing Survey says under-occupation - usually having 2 or more spare bedrooms - has increased from 43% to 52% since the 90s.

OP posts:
DaisyNGO · 01/12/2021 14:19

@flashbac

English Housing Survey says under-occupation - usually having 2 or more spare bedrooms - has increased from 43% to 52% since the 90s.
Oh you want a race to the bottom, I see.
OutOfBounds · 01/12/2021 14:20

There's something very smug about the term Forever House.

I'm already looking for my Last House, somewhere with no stairs, or at least a downstairs bathroom and bedroom. I'm in my 40s Grin

And yes, precious little out there.

fournonblondes · 01/12/2021 14:20

Mine is becoming a forever home for the stamp duty.

jumpers99 · 01/12/2021 14:21

@TeenMinusTests

My DPs have been in their house 59 years so far. They aren't 'rattling around they are enjoying their home, including for my 91yo DF pottering in his workshop, doing carpentry.
@TeenMinusTests That's warmed my heart, it's lovely that your dad is still pottering around his workshop.
DeepaBeesKit · 01/12/2021 14:23

My parents still live in their 4 bed detached for many reasons.

"Downsizing" would mean probably losing a garden as most of what's available are purpose built rip off flats.

They were badly burned by their own parents experiences with such flats. They proved poor investments, difficult to sell on and with a lot of hidden costs. They also resented not being able to host many family due to lack of spare rooms and no dining rooms/small kitchen & reception rooms.

The system of care funding makes it disadvantageous to release the capital you have tried up in your home

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 01/12/2021 14:23

Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die

Nasty. Their home, they paid for it, they can do what they like with it.

Onairjunkie · 01/12/2021 14:25

I fully intend in rattling (or rolling, depending on how things go) around my much-too-big home, yes. It’s mine. I won’t be forced out when I’m old, just because my hips creak.

thepeopleversuswork · 01/12/2021 14:25

I loathe this phrase. It's unbearably twee, for one thing.

Also, without wanting to sound cynical its ludicrously Pollyannaish: its only your "forever home" if absolutely everything including many things beyond your control work totally your favour. It assumes no divorce, no loss of income, no illness etc. And as others have said, the kind of home you want for a family of three children may not be the kind of home you want as a 70 something retired person.

There's also something really smug about it. "Look at me and my lovely partner and children in our forever home" (in chocolate box village in home counties).

Just why set yourself up to be knocked back?

Blossomtoes · 01/12/2021 14:25

Won’t you have to pay the bedroom tax once your kids move out?

Only if she claims housing benefit.

We’ve lived in our 4 bed house for 22 years and it’s where I hope we’ll end our days. We’re not hogging it any more than any other owner occupier.

Sn0tnose · 01/12/2021 14:25

SparklyLeprechaun
It might be a bit of a misnomer, but what's this about "hogging a house"? I'm not hogging anything, I'll live in my own house for as long as I want and it's nothing to do with anyone else.

You’re not familiar with the housing crisis? Are you in the UK?

I suspect she’s not familiar with the bizarre notion that as soon as your DC grow up and leave home, you need to sell up, presumably find a flat to purchase (as there certainly aren’t enough bungalows to go around) and piss off out of it so someone can buy your house for their own family.

DeepaBeesKit · 01/12/2021 14:26

Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die

What defines needs? Why is a requirement for spare bedrooms to host family not a "need"?

DriftingBlue · 01/12/2021 14:26

In our case we built our house with aging in mind. The entrance can easily be converted to a ramp. While there are two floors, if it is just the two of us we could comfortably live on the main floor and leave the second just for guests. We put in wide interior doors on the master bedroom so it is wheelchair accessible and the layout of the en-suite is such that is should be easy to install adaptations.

It’s our home. I don’t see why we would want to leave it. Our elderly parents certainly don’t want to leave their homes despite the fact that they are facing physical issues with layout at this point.

claymodels · 01/12/2021 14:27

@Rugsofhonour

Bedroom tax is only relevant for benefit claimants.

Ted27 · 01/12/2021 14:27

I also intend to 'hog' my wobble 3 bed terrace palatial pile for as long as I possibly can. Because its my home that I've spend the last 25 years paying for.
Already have a downstairs bathroom and if I need to will put in a stair lift.
I wonder where all this small bungalows are, none where I live. All the 'retirement' flats are beyond my reach financially, even I wanted to move to one.
Retirement villages aren't all they are cracked up to be, they have complex fee structures, including 'exit' fees, which can prove very costly.
Why would I move from my mortgage free home to something that will incur not insignificant fees ?

FawnFrenchieMum · 01/12/2021 14:28

@Legomania

DH and I are just in the process of buying one of these. We mean one we won't outgrow as a family, and are prepared to spend money on to get exactly how we want it. Obviously we'll reevaluate when we retire. But 30 years feels pretty 'forever' right now!
This is my exact interpretation of a ‘forever home’.

A home that won’t be outgrown and that you will stay in as long as you want to be in a family home.

Suzi888 · 01/12/2021 14:28

Nothing lasts forever….Grin however I’ll be on the look out for a bungalow and I’ll hog it as long as I can, because I’ll have paid for it myself thanks Wink

SofiaMichelle · 01/12/2021 14:28

We had a 6-bed house up until DD left.

We now have a 3-bed.

I mean, it's actually the same house but we now have a bar/cinema, a gym and a proper bespoke fitted office, too (benefit of an 'upside down' house with lots of downstairs rooms).

We aren't going anywhere, OP. Grin

Justcannotbearsed · 01/12/2021 14:29

We mean we've spent so much sodding money on this one that we'll never be able to afford to move.

It'll be too big for us, but will be brilliant for grandchildren. And won't suit if we get mobility issues. But we will move them.

And we still, just in our 50s, have a fantasy life where we rent it out and go an live in a city flat in Europe and become artistic.