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Original poster

Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

476 replies

flashbac · 01/12/2021 13:38

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

OP posts:
BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 01/12/2021 15:16

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I don't want to know I'm only moving somewhere to leave in a coffin.

But what's the alternative? You know that you will be eventually leaving somewhere in a coffin, so why not spend the time before then living where you're happiest? How does it improve matters to seek out a mouldy ramshackle hovel to move to for the last 10 years of your life, just so that you won't be ending your life in your beloved home?!

Well, why would a mouldy hovel be the alternative though?! Grin

What I mean is, I don't think I'll ever plan to not move again. I like change, and I think I might feel claustrophobic knowing I'll live in the same place until the end of time.

Or maybe I'll find it comforting when I'm older, who knows?

furbabymama87 · 01/12/2021 15:16

My new next door neighbour keeps informing me that this isn't their forever home. I guess a 3 bedroom terrace with a yard and no garden is below her. Shame that's all they could afford to buy then. Hate the saying.

RedHot22 · 01/12/2021 15:17

@Waxonwaxoff0

My current home is my forever home. It only has 2 bedrooms! We can't all afford massive family homes in the first place!
Stop hogging it! Wink There’s a young buyer waiting for you to move on!
Caspianberg · 01/12/2021 15:17

Will be planning on staying in ours. I can’t see us not using it all, there’s only 3 of us now and we use it fully.

We bought it off a lady who built it with her husband and they lived here 70 odd years. He died age 92 still gardening, still driving, still living as normal in the house.

Second living room can be converted easily to bedroom if needed, have downstairs bathrooms already.

Mil might move in in a few years time, I hope Ds feels he can always have space to live here if he wishes, family visit from overseas, work from home space.

Row0FDucks333 · 01/12/2021 15:18

Currently live in a bungalow & have camper van

When retired, hope to either sell up/downsize or rent it out
Hope to travel the world !

I'm not a "stay at forever home" type of person

However, I can appreciate how some people like a forever home, because some of my friends have them

mam0918 · 01/12/2021 15:19

Usually you home is to be passed to your child/children... we have 2 homes in our family that have passed down 4 generations now, neither are fancy (just old coal mine terraces) but they are the 'home base' of the respective branch of the family, like roots that everyone heads back too.

My IL have a 2 bed house they bought in 1960, there's two of them, they finished raising their kids but they regularly host family and watch their grandkids during the day or overnight so they arent rattling round in a big house... the house is usually full.

My own nana took in refugees when she had spare room + her door was open to all family who regularly came to stay and she had 1 adult child that never moved out - once again she never rattled around in a big house.

I never understand fully grown people who bounce around and don't settle that's for the young, honestly who can be arsed with dragging all your stuff from house to house?

Also there's nowhere to downsize, several older family members looked due to not being able to manage stairs and while there's plenty of first floor flats etc... they arent practical for most. Bungalows and ground floor flats with no steps in are very few and far between.

JudgeJ · 01/12/2021 15:19

@MysteriousSoup

‘hogging’ give over Hmm
I took offence at that phrase too, I am glad to be 'hogging' the home we paid for, as I am 'hogging' anything else I want to keep for which we paid, sorry to be so utterly selfish my dear OP. After my OP died I decided that the cost of not moving would offset the cost of a gardener to help me manage the large garden. and I would still have the space for grandchildren and others to stay over. I have looked at smaller houses/bungalows but they're often pokey, 'newly renovated' in battleship grey and have had the bath removed and replaced with a large shower, all of which I would have to undo. Maybe people should limit their prodigy to what their space can accommodate rather than sneering at people left alone in large houses.
JudgeJ · 01/12/2021 15:20

Obviously, it was my OH who died not OP, sorry

IcelandicCabin · 01/12/2021 15:20

[quote RedHot22]@IcelandicCabin
😂 Death House

I like that.[/quote]
Grin

I like it too. It's very very my father. He was recently asked if they planned on downsizing (4 bedrooms) and he replied with concern; 'But what if we have more children?'.

goose1964 · 01/12/2021 15:20

To be certainly forgotten that families often grow in size, we have a 4 bedroom house which was ideal for us and 3 children but we also have 5 soon to be 6 grandchildren. So in theory our house is too big big it's regularly filled .

IcelandicCabin · 01/12/2021 15:23

Sorry for your loss @JudgeJ Thanks

I fully intend to stay in my home when the Dcs fly the nest- I assume DH will die before me as he is a great deal older. (although to be fair he is alot healthier than I am, so maybe not). I love our home. 20 years worth of happy memories here. Maybe I will take a lodger, maybe not.

IcelandicCabin · 01/12/2021 15:24
  • for context to my previous post my parents are in their late 70s, so more children are unlikely.
lunarlandscape · 01/12/2021 15:25

To me the term meant somewhere for the family to put down roots while DC grow up. Their family home. We will stay in it until they have finished uni and found jobs and flats of their own, then we'll move on. But we'd still need a big house because I want them to always have a room of their own whenever they need it. Not a spare room but a place they feel is always available to them. And DH and I both work from home permanently, so that rattling around and hogging is actually use of every room in the house most of the time.

BritWifeInUSA · 01/12/2021 15:27

We absolutely bought our current home with the intention of leaving in coffins. But we will do lots and lots of good living here before that happens. It’s a single-level home, like most are around here. I suppose that makes it a bungalow but that’s not used much here so no stairs just in case we can’t manage them later (husband has already had both knees replaced so it’s possible he will struggle with stairs later in life). No children but we like our 3 bedrooms so that we have space for guests. I also have my office here because I work at home and even when I retire I will keep it as an office, probably. And we have a pool that I will keep using till I die, even if I have to have a hoist installed to lift me in and out.

I don’t think it’s morbid to think of the end of your life when you make huge financial commitments such as a house purchase.

LookItsMeAgain · 01/12/2021 15:28

To me a forever home is one where you are content to put down roots, join in the community efforts no matter how small, you take the time to know your neighbours and you ultimately don't ever want to leave.
I don't think it has to be showy or have more rooms than you can shake a stick at, it just has to be in the location you like and you won't ever want to move out of. There is nothing wrong with that and you don't have to downsize just because. I don't think I could move from a house to an apartment or flat when the time comes, and my kids leave home and there is only me and DH in the house. Even when there is only one of us left, I don't think I'd want to feel forced to move out, just because.

starfishmummy · 01/12/2021 15:29

I dont think the phrase was in use when we bought our house. We just got what we wanted at the time and it's has been fine ever since. No idea how long we will stay here, its a nice area with everything we need but of course that can change.

MissConductUS · 01/12/2021 15:29

Both of our kids are now in uni and DS graduates next spring. He already has a job offer in the city his uni is located in, about four hours away from home. We just assumed he'd have to get a flat there when he started working.

The firm that's hiring him has just announced that staff in his role can work from anywhere in the US, so he has the option of moving back in with us and working from home, which would save him buckets of money.

We hadn't planned on downsizing anytime soon, but now will likely no longer be empty nesters next year. DD has two years until she graduates, so we need to keep her room as an option for her as well.

shouldistop · 01/12/2021 15:30

'Hogging a home'? People are entitled to live in whatever size of house they have bought. They don't owe it to anyone.
Blame the governments (past and present) for the housing crises. Not couples/individuals who want to remain in their family home when they're elderly.

RowanAlong · 01/12/2021 15:32

Oh c’mon it just expresses the relief when you finally manage to get a house you can bring up your family in, with a garden, and finally stay put in, without having to contemplate another move again for twenty years!

Saz12 · 01/12/2021 15:33

Just sold house of 14 years, expect to be in new house for 10 years, maybe more, unless something bad happens. After that, I might want another adventure.

RedHot22 · 01/12/2021 15:35

@IcelandicCabin

😂 My uncle used to refer to my Aunt (his wife of 50 years) as ‘first wife’
He said it kept her on her toes 😂

Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 01/12/2021 15:36

If you have grandchildren you might quickly fill up a big house again. If you have sufficient funds many people can at home until 80plus.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 01/12/2021 15:40

It makes me cringe when I see people in their 70's looking for massive homes with acres of land and a large vegetable patch.
I'm thinking how are you going to manage this in a few years time?
I'm 60 and still working full time but I've given my three bed home to my DS and DiL and have decamped to a granny annexe next door. '
I'm sick of cleaning it myself and basically only use 2 rooms. I do the garden because it's my hobby but its such luxury downsizing and not having to worry about all the cleaning and maintenance.
Multigenerational living is becoming really popular now.

CaptaNoctem · 01/12/2021 15:41

@flashbac

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something? What is a 'forever home'?
I'm afraid posts like this do nothing to want to make me downsize my lovely 6 bedroom house now the children have left home and the in-laws have died.

We worked long and hard to afford it and now is my time to enjoy it. We may downsize if the ideal 3 bedroom with land and no immediate neighbours comes up but until then I'm staying put.

prettyteapotsplease · 01/12/2021 15:41

In practice a forever home just wouldn't work when you think about the changes which take place in your life. If you suffer ill-health and can't get about that lovely house may become completely unmanageable, and old-age rarely comes unaccompanied.

The home I dreamed about in my youth just wouldn't be suitable now, my romantic heart may still hanker after it, but my sensible head tells me it would be a struggle to look after.