Suddenly feel like a crap parent.

[Ceecee30]

I did not get them a toy advent calendar like many people have posted on Facebook. They have chocolate ones. They seem happy with that but what if their friends have the toy ones and they realise they don't?

We have an elf on the shelf but he isn't half as adventurous as some. He often just sits on the shelf so climbs on the lampshade. we didn't buy one of the fancy balloons people bought to welcome him back.

We don't have matching Christmas pjs.

I don't plan to do Christmas Eve boxes.

I haven't booked a Santa experience, a winter wonderland or any other things.

We do have our decs up. We have been out looking at neighbours lights the last few nights. Dd did see Santa at a winter fayre but it was a quick whip in and out grotto. We've been to look in the local garden centre which is amazing at Christmas.

They've got a fair amount of presents each on Christmas Day itself but is all the extra leading up to it essential?

Please tell I'm not the only one who doesn't do everything everyone else is doing?!

Social media is the devil. Making me feel like we don't do much in comparison.

Some people do a couple of things, some people do more. Pick the things you like. And nobody does everything that everyone else is doing, you'd all be sick of Christmas long before the day.

I don't compare because most is for show.

A friend of mine has to compare everything. If someone goes to 1 grotto she has to book. If someone had a glittery shit she'd ask them how she could do the same.
She can't bear to miss out on anything at all! But if she books something different is secretive incase someone goes b4 her! It's so bizzare.
She's seen santa 5 times already and has 8 more booked. She's taking her ds out of school for 6 days because the only ones she could book at certain ones were school days and be couldn't possibly miss out.
It's plastered over SM. And makes others feel so low because they can't do it.

@CloudyStorms

Noone needs Christmas pjs.

Or Christmas bedding, Christmas Eve boxes, God forbid, not a Dec 1st box........ the list is ever expanding and will do so as long as people are willing to buy this tat. OP, please please don't believe a lot of what people put on the internet, I don't think people do half of what they claim, it's all a part of the Competitive Parenting world cup.

I once bought mine Lego Star Wars ones however they couldn’t really have cared less abs one remained & still remains unopened
I think simple is better.

When I was young my sister and I had a paper calendar and my grandma made us one with little pockets so we’d get a tiny toy one day and a mini Mars or something another we loved it I still have it somewhere.

@JudgeJ Someone on my fb posted a photo of a ‘December the 1st’ box filled with presents for their dc this morning. I couldn’t believe my eyes!

I really think you just do what you enjoy and what you think is valuable and worthwhile. If it is all of those things or none of those things then you do you.

I don't do anything on your list and I'm still obsessed with Christmas and with making it special and magical for my DC.

Be wary of social media, be true to yourself.

Wow! I thought that I was being a super-indulgent parent because I have bought my kids a (£2 chocolate) advent calendar each - I had no idea that other families do all of these sorts of things.

That said, we do have panto booked - neither DH nor I are from the UK and our kids are quite young so we we have never been before - quite excited!

I am tempted by matching Christmas PJs though... I think the kids would look very cute if they matched (but am fully aware that no one else cares what my kids look like, so stay well clear of social media!)

you have your decorations up?
So christmas is quite a big deal for your family (no one around here has decorations up! Won't be up in mine until two weeks before!)
So bit baffled that you don't do anything else

No judgement at all! For me - its not about the decorations or the presents (although i do spend an absolute researching and buying presents for my two!) but so many lovely experiences around that abruptly stop in early Jan - so curious why decs up already, but then don't do anything else.

Money? Time? Inclination?

I absolutely hate shit like this. There is no way a thoughtful, conscientious parent like you should be feeling crap for not buying into the mindless consumerism of christmas over-consumption.

I adored christmas as a child, I found it absolutely magical, and we didn't have anything like Christmas Eve boxes / elf on the shelf / expensive advent calendar bullshit. I loved the traditions of mince pies and whisky for Father Christmas, stockings tied on the mantelpiece, a plate of iced gems and some crisps at the class christmas party.

Your children are happy and loved and looked after. You don't need to spend one minute feeling bad for not buying plastic tat or a creepy narc elf to spy on them.

Don’t worry about it. We’ve got an elf this year but like hell am I doing anything that requires more than two minutes of my spare time (which I never get anyway). We’ve got Xmas matching pjs for the kids as my in-laws got them but usually we don’t bother. My daughter has a storybook advent from Aldi this year because she eats too much chocolate and there’s no way I’m doing an Xmas Eve box. Kids get fresh pjs on Xmas eve as an early present same as what my mum has done for me the last 25 years. All the other extra boujee unnesscary faff around Christmas winds me up, I don’t have the time or the energy for it!

1st December. The day that every year I thank myself for not getting sucked into elf on the shelf. My kids are now 14 and 12. They have never had an elf, they have a normal chocolate advent calendar, not a special/expensive version with 'items' not chocolates, never had a 'Christmas Eve Box'. Every year their favourite 'outing' at Christmas is the 'Christmas light car journey' where we drive around the local area to find houses with the best Christmas lights and possibly get a drive thru McDonalds. We keep things low key at Christmas, they still love it. Don't worry.

[quote Mummypig7]@JudgeJ Someone on my fb posted a photo of a ‘December the 1st’ box filled with presents for their dc this morning. I couldn’t believe my eyes![/quote]
This is getting more than ridiculous. Roald Dahl made the point about spoiling children by overindulging them...

And i suspect I am in the minority

250 or so 'friends' on facebook (you know, past school peers, ex colleagues etc)

And I don't get any of the nonsense that i see posted on here with pics of towering presents etc. on facebook. I post nothing as a voyeur!

but when it appears, it's a grotto visit or christmas lunch laid out. Nothing 'showy'. Perhaps I am lucky with school / university / work and neighbours!

You are not the only one. My DC were almost grown up before I realised I had never once had the Easter Bunny visit. They just got an Easter egg from us and another from any relative who happened to visit around Easter. No bunny. No egg trails (well, I tried once but it was useless.) It just wasn't my thing.

No Christmas Eve box, toy advent calendar or elf on a shelf either. Just a plain old Christmas stocking, tree presents and a chocolate calendar and a Christian one.

But we did do Christmassy things like visit Santa's grotto and go for the occasional sleigh ride or to Winter Wonderland (they didn't want to go more than once. They were very firm on that. Christmas eve was for slobbing in front of TV not schlepping into London.)

Your kids will be fine. Enjoy the holidays in your own way.

Why would a list of activities or trends on social media have any bearing on your parenting abilities? Do what you enjoy and don't do what you don't.

I don't really take into consideration what friends are doing with their kids when planning what to do myself. Everyone has their own traditions, I don't personally like a lot of it, it doesn't make me better or worse.

just come off facebook

my kids are in their 20s, we didn't even have elf on the shelf. I've never heard of xmas eve boxes!

comparing to others is a recipe for unhappiness!

Kids don't give a shit about all the extra crap. You're the only one that cares about it.

My brothers wife is like this for the entire month of December. All the kids notice is that Mums a grump for a month because not everythings perfect, and they're completely over Christmas by the time the 25th rolls around

Your kids have got presents, you'll do nice things with them like decorating the tree in the run up to Christmas. That's enough, it really is.

@Pascha

Social media is the worst for this kind of thing. In reality very few people do all out elf activities every day. We never have and my kids liked the lego calendar but loved the chocolates ones so we've never bothered since.

well- i have never done elf on the shelf (the whole concept is creepy to me!) and this year did a cheapy chocolate calendar only under pressure from the DCs. Last year I did a toy calendar and just ended up with ever more plastic shite that serves only to bruise my feet and clog up the washing machine pump.

sorry- I meant to say I quoted @Pascha because I was in full agreement!!

Comparison is the thief of joy

Just do what you want and others are free to do the same, if people choose to buy fancy advent calendars then it's up to them. Being a child that went without because we couldn't afford it, knowing others get more for Christmas and do more stuff is nothing new.

DS nearly 3.5yrs here no way I'm doing elf on the shelf I can't think of anything worse than putting undue pressure on myself each Day for years.

We haven't got decs up yet but I don't see that as an issue.
He has an advent calendar of little books I got from tkmaxx but that's it

We've been to a garden centre & he's thoroughly enjoyed it, walking round seeing lights & we've got a couple of village events with Santa. We are baking various Christmassy bits. That's plenty I think. He is absolutely thrilled it's coming upto Christmas and gets a lot from pre school and just around.

Don't be hard on yourself ☃️🎄❄️your children will still love it 😊

Never heard of Christmas Eve boxes, the thought of matching family PJs makes my skin crawl.

A chocolate advent calendar, and going around looking at Christmas lights sounds lovely. Personally, if you can afford it I’d book a winter activity (ice skating or seeing Santa) but it doesn’t make you a bad parent if you don’t.

Don’t compare yourself to others, there’s really no point. The only thing I’d judge people harshly for is elf on the shelf. The concept of your parents welcoming some little creep into house to spy on you, and report back to Santa is horrific.

Sometimes I feel like you OP.

Then i remember christmas as a kid, with a cheap advent calendar, a little tree, and presents at xmas (no xmas eve boxes, no special pjs, no December boxes, no elves, no christmas experience) and it was absolutely magical - seeing friends and family, walking round the neighbourhood looking at xmas trees, new toys, amazing food, and actually it was perfect and adding to it will just make me more stressed and raise my kids expectations.