Suddenly feel like a crap parent.

[Ceecee30]

I did not get them a toy advent calendar like many people have posted on Facebook. They have chocolate ones. They seem happy with that but what if their friends have the toy ones and they realise they don't?

We have an elf on the shelf but he isn't half as adventurous as some. He often just sits on the shelf so climbs on the lampshade. we didn't buy one of the fancy balloons people bought to welcome him back.

We don't have matching Christmas pjs.

I don't plan to do Christmas Eve boxes.

I haven't booked a Santa experience, a winter wonderland or any other things.

We do have our decs up. We have been out looking at neighbours lights the last few nights. Dd did see Santa at a winter fayre but it was a quick whip in and out grotto. We've been to look in the local garden centre which is amazing at Christmas.

They've got a fair amount of presents each on Christmas Day itself but is all the extra leading up to it essential?

Please tell I'm not the only one who doesn't do everything everyone else is doing?!

Social media is the devil. Making me feel like we don't do much in comparison.

Stop looking at Facebook. Find other more beneficial ways to spend your time.

@LadyMonicaBaddingham

People are not really doing these things for their children; they are doing them for themselves and their own self-image. It's a sad truth that pictures for social media is the prime reason for things like matching family pyjamas 🤮 and stacks of gifts that almost eclipse the Christmas tree (which has, of course, been up since mid-November).

Don't get me started on that bloody elf... a Christmas tradition, my fat white arse

I do these things for my kids 🤷‍♀️ the three of us have matching pj's because my eldest loves matching with mummy, the elf arrived last night under a homemade balloon arch with some new books and I've booked a few different days out as surprises. The three of us have had a tough year with their dad moving out and if a few cheap bits and bobs I can easily afford makes them smile and feel happy I'll bloody well do it.

We'll have an unnecessary amount of presents which I try and spread out because I have the biggest family going who refuse to give money for their savings so I buy less and save myself.

Not one person outside of my house and my mum because she loves getting the photos knows we do these things because it doesn't go on social media at all.

OP you do you. Our elf moves around a bit and occasionally brings a Christmas craft I'd do with them anyway but if it's not for you don't sweat it. Most of us are just trying to get through the season in one piece and try and get a few smiles in along the way 🙂

No one cares what anyone's elf is doing.

All that stuff sounds insane! And so, so wasteful. Christmas was so exciting and fun when I was little and there was none of the extra stuff you’re talking about. We would go to the Christmas fare at school and the decorations everywhere were lovely. I think we often did have new pyjamas on Christmas Eve, which we usually needed rather than being extra, if that makes sense, and then presents on the day. We had one advent calendar that we shared so we got a chocolate every other day, until we got a bit older. There were no matching family pyjamas, 1st December boxes, Christmas Eve boxes, elf on the shelf with special balloons (still don’t really know what this is). And it was still so magical. I don’t plan to do more than that myself with my DC and I’m sure they’ll survive

I'm sure your plans are fine. No matter what you do there will be someone else doing more and spending more. With certain mindsets we'll never be good enough. So much of it is firms wanting to sell us stuff. Some people are paying for a door step visit from an elf here. Nothing wrong with that but it just keeps going doesn't it!

Don’t feel bad op. I don’t do any of that either. It’s not necessary at all.

You’ve got to remember how many people will be doing these things and not sharing it, people go to extreme lengths to brag on social media. Including all you’ve mentioned in your OP.

This will wind up being a slagging off session towards those who do do all/some of the other things you mentioned. 😬 until they arrive. Then it’ll become a slanging match.

I do some of them. But I did them before I even had a kid. It’s born entirely from my own fanatical love of Christmas. I will not, however, touch the bloody Elf. He or she is way too much responsibility.

Oh my goodness don't even worry. Most families do one or two of the over the top things. That's it. But it feels like everyone does everything because of social media. The endlessly growing commercialism monster is terrifying though. When does the one upmanship end?!

Hoping the inevitable counter culture the young people create will involve minimalist Christmas

I hear you! Been feeling like this all morning. Especially since I saw the FB post of a lovely friend who doesn't do all this, but who does her own advent thing, which looks so effortlessly stylish in her tidy house with her NT smiling DDs.

In the meantime, I bought Aldi chocolate advent calendars, which the Dses fought & stropped over. DS2, who has autism & ADHD, had a big meltdown yesterday before school about trainers & we were nearly late. We don't have enough money to get through the month, let alone Christmas & I had to buy him new trainers. It is DS1'S birthday in a couple of weeks & I don't know how we'll afford a present. And it's our turn to host Christmas & the house is a tip & needs decorating- again, money a huge issue in this.

Plus loads of wider family stuff going on, lots of seriously ill relatives.

I just want to hide away & cry, but all I can see is that I'm not doing enough & my kids aren't getting the same as other kids 😭

Just ignore it all, my two don't even have an advent calendar because neither dh or I didn't really realise it was the first today. Whoops! And our eldest is terrified of father Christmas so we avoid anywhere where he'll be gurning over November and December which means no grottos, garden centres, shopping trips, limited days out, etc. I hate the stupid elf and he doesn't come into my house. Though admittedly I don't really know how much we would do if eldest being scared of him we're not the case as neither DH or I really do Christmas beyond simple decorations and a tree! And it's bloody expensive and excessive. New pjs do happen around Christmas for us but I don't bother with matching or Christmas ones, just nice comfy new pjs because they generally need them around Christmas as it gets colder!

Do all of it, do some of it or do none of it but it has no bearing on how good a parent you are.

We do things that are traditions for us or that we fancy doing or that we can afford to do and I understand that other families have other traditions/likes and that's fine.

We did Elf on the shelf for a few years before I told the kids they were too old for it and was very happy to let that one go. We choose our tree and go and get it cut down every year and the dc have the same advent calendar they have every year that i refill with chocolate (a wooden one) and they have a new pair of PJ's on xmas day as one of their presents that are usually not Christmas themed.

This year, I am taking them to a Christmas light display in the woods on the day they break up from school but that's something I really want to do as I am trying to fill the festive period with nice memories, rather than those of my wedding anniversary and separation anniversary within a week of each other.

They are happy watching a Christmas film together with a bowl of popcorn to get in the festive spirit - it doesn't all have to be expensive or showy. I do wonder if it wasn't for social media whether a lot of people would do half the things they do.

My 7yo has seen Santa and we go to the Panto but only because my work insisted on buying me something and suggested these tickets for me and DD - I never normally let them buy me anything so this is a few years presents together.

That's it!

We do have an elf but I don't move it, I just can't be bothered with it all.

My ExH does a big fat nothing with her, he doesn't even do Santa (even though he does it with his DNs )

I have 4 kids.

4 Cadbury ones. Mine were over the moon to have chocolate. In a world in Dire repair due to consumption, I don't think its bad to give a paper or chocolate calender.

sounds like a pretty standard house to me, my elf did bring some xmas books (10 for £10 ones) because i decided not to buy the book advents this year. and i only do an xmas eve box because i fill it with cheap craft stuff to keep them busy instead of going on at me all day and some new pj's which they need anyway.

Op, are you me?! I could have written this myself. Plain old chocolate advent calendar, no Santa visits, no Xmas PJs and no Xmas Eve boxes either! My DT's are in reception and Facebook has told me that most of their school pals are doing the elf nonsense. Not in our house! I have enough to do without that

I'm a crap parent too, then! There's more of us than social media (advertising) would have us think.

OP I didn’t know half the items you’ve listed were even a ‘thing’ (Xmas eve box?!).

Turn off SM and all the gloating #famalam #blessed posts, it’s all for show.

I did get DS a Lego advent calendar but it was a panic buy on Amazon today because I forgot and all the shops near me have sold out of chocolate ones.

We are going to see Father Xmas at a local museum for £5. At that price I don’t think it’s an actual grotto…

That’s it. We won’t have any decorations up as we are in a short term rental and all the decs etc are buried in a storage unit. I remember years ago we toyed with the idea of going to Lapland but, laying aside the horrific costs, DD now only partially believes in Father Xmas so that ship has sailed.

Xmas pyjamas that they will have grown out of by next Christmas? Not happening.

DD calls me mama Scrooge for a reason

@confusedofengland the NT thing is probably a factor here as well, I rarely see those posts from families who have neurodiverse family members! Me, DH and dd1 are all in various stages of getting our adhd confirmed professionally, no matter how hard we try neither DH nor I have the capability to organise this extra stuff when Christmas is hard enough to organise and dd1 becomes a mess and breaks down when she thinks she's about to be faced with the big man in red, to the extent where I had to carry her away from her minders house with her clinging to me and hiding her face when picking up her sister yesterday because the minder had a tree decoration outside the front door. December is just a nightmare in our house!

I don’t know whether this is reassuring or not but my father, in his late eighties, is still cross because his mother bought all sorts of crap toys. She went for quantity over quality. He wanted quality.
There is usually something a bit depressing about cheap toys. Chocolates are always welcome.

Your child will have a wonderful Christmas because they won’t have been jaded by all this pseudo celebration commercialisation crap that has been invented by manufacturers in a cynical effort to release the gullible from their credit cards.

When I was little the most exciting pre Christmas things that happened was counting how many Christmas tree we saw on the way home .

I'm just thinking back to my childhood Christmases (I'm 63) when almost none of the things on the list happened for any child...

I'm not saying you shouldn't do any things that give you and your children pleasure - but please, don't measure your parenting by these things.

If all that you described makes one a crap parent then I am one too 🤦‍♀️

I forced mine, 12 and 10, to attend the advent Sunday service if they wanted choc advent calendars. Bad mother.

Cue many protests that they are both ATHEISTS (their dad is a clergyman but we have clearly failed to pass on religious sensibility, indeed youngest DC asked if Jesus was born at Christmas or Easter the other day ).

I told them they can believe what they like and they don't have to attend church regularly.

But they must come with us for Easter, Advent and Xmas Day, as part of the family.

As it turned out they rather enjoyed it and they enjoyed the McDs we had after even more. Although I am still "mean"

If mine mention Elf on the Shelf, decorations in November, or any of the rest of the pre-Xmas hype, I remind them that it is the season of ADVENT, which is about waiting in a reflective spirit to receive a precious gift. You don't need to go to Lapland or a reindeer farm for that.

They moan but a little part of them sees what I mean. Plus I am absolutely rubbish at all kinds of elfy-crafty activity. I am good at XBox Fifa 21 though.

We are doing none of those things either - combination of laziness and thinking it isnt good to have treats every day for weeks. ‘Santa’ delivered an early present of some snowboots and gloves when it got cold and we visited a windy and underwhelming christmasmarket but - tree decorating aside - that is it until Christmas day.