Suddenly feel like a crap parent.

[Ceecee30]

I did not get them a toy advent calendar like many people have posted on Facebook. They have chocolate ones. They seem happy with that but what if their friends have the toy ones and they realise they don't?

We have an elf on the shelf but he isn't half as adventurous as some. He often just sits on the shelf so climbs on the lampshade. we didn't buy one of the fancy balloons people bought to welcome him back.

We don't have matching Christmas pjs.

I don't plan to do Christmas Eve boxes.

I haven't booked a Santa experience, a winter wonderland or any other things.

We do have our decs up. We have been out looking at neighbours lights the last few nights. Dd did see Santa at a winter fayre but it was a quick whip in and out grotto. We've been to look in the local garden centre which is amazing at Christmas.

They've got a fair amount of presents each on Christmas Day itself but is all the extra leading up to it essential?

Please tell I'm not the only one who doesn't do everything everyone else is doing?!

Social media is the devil. Making me feel like we don't do much in comparison.

I guess I'm a crap parent too 😂
My kids are all now teens/young adults living at home still get a cheap choc advent calender and a Christmas eve box that has pj's and a snack in. I never really bought them Pj's through the year really so I liked a nice new pair to sent nice smart morning present opening photos to grandparents who live some distance away. It's now a running joke with use that pants, socks and pj's are looking a bit dire come December waiting on their replacement lol

I'm the same as you OP. We have a lovely family home filled with joy but our family don't have matching Christmas PJ's and our dog didnt receive an advent calendar. We have an elf but he doesn't arrive with any fanfair......surely the excitement is that he is here?? Anyway just step out of the competition race and enjoy what you do, sounds like you're doing amazing!

I've given in this year and done a Christmas gnome- I absolutely can't stand elf on a shelf, so for me this is half giving in to peer pressure ( and it's not the kids, it's the smug moms who have spent hours wrecking havoc in their bathroom blaming it on a plastic doll) so my gnome has top secret kind tasks to do that she can't tell anyone about, the gnome gets her to ask alexia about different country Christmases and yes there is a marginally silly element too.
I like the idea of pjs but they have replaced Xmas outfits and I've bought a sewing machine for my bday so I'm going to make them all an adventure calendar and fill it every year with cheap things I find (found 24 different mini rubber ducks for 4.99 for example, or on Amazon for £10 you can get 24 finger puppets,) but that is it! Christmas is about family and joy not wallets and credit cards.

[quote Blueeyedgirl21]@lynntheyresexpeople what you do with your hard earned cash is, quite rightly, your business and no one else’s

I don’t feel bad for being slightly judgmental at people buying balloons that you literally pop straight away, having multiple toy advent calendars that get played with once, and pjs you wear twice. The world is quite literally burning and I just don’t think encouraging so much consumerism is good, don’t care if that makes me a grinch !![/quote]
The advent calendars are Lego, so it doesn't get thrown, just added to their Lego collections.

The Christmas pjs, I buy ones with winter themes that they will wear throughout up until probably March, so it's no different than winter pjs.

My elf didn't arrive in a balloon, I don't do balloons, the texture freaks me out.

I hope all of that is acceptable

This so what’s wrong with social media

My sister is instagrammed to bits and does all of the above . BUT in reality feeds her kids crap or quite often they’ve not eaten all day, is alway snarky and ratty and buys herself clothes/Botox ahead of them. THATS a shit parent.

@SophieHatterPendragon

Comparison is the thief of joy!

You DO NOT have to do those things! You are not a bad parent.

We don’t do any of that stuff either. Christmas is still magical for my little ones and we still have a lovely December and fantastic Christmas.

It’s great if you’re one of these people who does all that stuff but it’s also totally fine if you’re not.

This ^ 4 kids in, all a bit older now, and although there's been a bit of joking and arguing about advent calendars in the past (who has the mars one, who has cadbury etc.), they have definitely all done the eye rolling thing about their friends that have had to 'endure the full experience" because their mum wanted them to. Your Christmas for your family is best, and it is what will be remembered - and take no notice of what anyone else does or thinks xx.

My DDs have Lego advent calendars that they got as gifts. I would never have bought them. We have a wooden advent calendar that I fill each year. I am a bit annoyed if I'm honest as they're going to now want these every year.

Decs up at the weekend

No Xmas eve boxes

I have gone in for the matching Xmas pjs though but that's more to do with my childish love of Christmas than anything else

@User5252727

Nobody is forcing you to go on social media and get worked up about what other people do for Christmas. If anything it’s posters who enjoy these kind of “oh look at me I’m not into the consumerism of Christmas” that are obsessed with what other people think and want to show of their Christmas views.
This is the first chrismas post I’ve seen here - not a single one posting about elf or anything else, this was the first person that felt the urge to express their view on Christmas on the internet.

The irony of all this is most of the posters who trash all this new Christmas stuff also do a bunch of consumerism driven things like buy choccy advent calendars, go to stores to see Santa etc.
But that’s different to them because they did it as a kid. Hilarious.

@LadyMonicaBaddingham

People are not really doing these things for their children; they are doing them for themselves and their own self-image. It's a sad truth that pictures for social media is the prime reason for things like matching family pyjamas 🤮 and stacks of gifts that almost eclipse the Christmas tree (which has, of course, been up since mid-November).

Don't get me started on that bloody elf... a Christmas tradition, my fat white arse

Absolutely, would they do any of it if they weren’t allowed take photos? Doubtful

All of the stuff that you mention is marketing to make us spend more money every year! It certainly doesn't make you a bad parent not to be buying endless pre-Christmas stuff which arguably costs as much as Christmas itself!

@DileenODoubts

Yes, they would. A lot of people do Elf and don’t post about it. It’s just a toy you move for the kids.
Do you have a tree decorated just to photo it? How is decorating a tree any worse than moving an elf?

The vaguely reverse virtue signalling on here is beginning to grate. " oh we just have twigs in a box and just nibble on coal....and our elf doesn't move."

Most people do some of this "commercial" shit just because, well that's the way things are now. Things are more commercial in all aspects of life. Most posters seem to be doing some version of the things OP mentioned. And well, who cares?

Tbh the problem is Social Media. Do christmas any way you want OP. But start taking SM with a massive pinch of salt or if you're really feeling like a bad parent just get off it.

There is a lot in your op we don't do.
However days out cost hundreds now we save and save into special Xmas pot.

Absolutely, would they do any of it if they weren’t allowed take photos? Doubtful

There are tonnes of people doing this stuff and not posting it. Naturally you wouldn't know about that, because they aren't making it public, so what do you think they're doing it for?

I don't put anything related to my kids online, but we do the elf every year

OP you made me realise I too was being a shit parent this year!
So I dug out the reusable advent calendar and filled it with sweets. DD came home from school and found it and was surprisingly pleased. She's too old for grottos and the like but we are going to see a panto later in the month.
Thanks for the nudge. I guess it's about what makes it special and fun for your own family. It appears to be daily sweets here!

I have 3 DC. They are 19,13 and 11.
The 19 year old is the only one who has had a lego advent calendar, and that was when he was wee because he was a lego fan. When the other two were old enough to know what's going on it was chocolate calendars as three lego ones would be £££

We have done Christmassy events in the past such as the santa steam train and visits to santa. We have never been to a panto together as a family (DC used to go with school) so we are all going this year.

No 1st Dec box, elf or xmas eve box and these are a fairly new fad.
I am tempted by the jammies though but I love new pj's!

@SpritzingAperol

The vaguely reverse virtue signalling on here is beginning to grate. " oh we just have twigs in a box and just nibble on coal....and our elf doesn't move."

Most people do some of this "commercial" shit just because, well that's the way things are now. Things are more commercial in all aspects of life. Most posters seem to be doing some version of the things OP mentioned. And well, who cares?

Tbh the problem is Social Media. Do christmas any way you want OP. But start taking SM with a massive pinch of salt or if you're really feeling like a bad parent just get off it.

This!!

It’s the fact that most people are doing all of this stuff in order to impress #totalstrangers

Agree that what you've done sounds lovely and also that people should pick and choose what fits in with their lives.

DC do have Playmobil advent calendars, but they don't also get a chocolate one.

No Elf on a Shelf (absolutely could not be arsed with that!)

They did have a 1 December box, but filled with things I would have got them over the month anyway, like Christmas jumpers, gingerbread decorating kit, Christmas crafts etc. Just made it more of an event for them.

We are going to the local theatre to see Stick Man, but would have booked that whatever time of year.

Have also booked to see Father Christmas but think that is a standard at their ages (5 and 3)!

Going on a Christmas trail in a country park, but they do themed ones throughout the year and we always go on them. It's a nice way for the children to get a long walk.

These things are all for the children. Haven't put anything up on social media re the 1 December boxes, partly because I don't want to be judged for doing them!!

A December 1st box?! Good grief...

I feel lucky that my, now adult, DD was small before all these things became the norm. They've never been part of our family tradition so even though my youngest is still primary aged we just don't do it. My children seem happy with what they do get so I don't stress about it these days. I do remember feeling bad about it one year but the feeling passed .

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@User5252727

Nobody is forcing you to go on social media and get worked up about what other people do for Christmas. If anything it’s posters who enjoy these kind of “oh look at me I’m not into the consumerism of Christmas” that are obsessed with what other people think and want to show of their Christmas views.
This is the first chrismas post I’ve seen here - not a single one posting about elf or anything else, this was the first person that felt the urge to express their view on Christmas on the internet.

The irony of all this is most of the posters who trash all this new Christmas stuff also do a bunch of consumerism driven things like buy choccy advent calendars, go to stores to see Santa etc.
But that’s different to them because they did it as a kid. Hilarious.[/quote]
I don't have social media, so what others post doesn't affect me. It clearly does affect some people, because poor OP is feeling bad about not spending £50 on plastic shit that will be floating around the ocean strangling turtles for the next 500 years.

I objected to your weird use of an emotive term like 'snooping' which means 'the action of furtively trying to find out something, especially information about someone's private affairs'.

Nobody seeing images other people have freely posted online is 'snooping', and you only called it that to make it seem shady when most people would probably actually prefer to log on to social media without seeing an adult or their acquaintance posting something inane and cringy about their 'naughty elf' shitting chocolate raisins or whatever the scenario du jour happens to be.

The vaguely reverse virtue signalling on here is beginning to grate. " oh we just have twigs in a box and just nibble on coal....and our elf doesn't move.

Surely that's (supposed) straight up virtue signalling, not reverse virtue signalling. Unless you're suggesting that embracing the full-on consumerism and plastering photos of vast piles of presents etc is the virtuous way to go?

Anyway, nobody actually does say they have twigs in a box and nibble on coal. That's defensive exaggeration in the face of blatant evidence of social media-fuelled excess. A bit like when people sneer that MNers only eat a lettuce leaf for lunch and drink no alcohol but a thimble of sherry at Christmas, when both obesity and excessive alcohol consumption are actually a massive problem (in society and on MN, judging by the threads about weight loss and alcohol problems).

Hard to see the downside of a general scaling back a tad on the mass of Christmas 'stuff' and showing off really. I absolutely love Christmas. I just don't spend lots and don't regard it as a photo opportunity. If that makes me a virtue signaller, so be it. As far as the environment goes at least, less consumption is a virtue.

Anyway, nobody actually does say they have twigs in a box and nibble on coal. That's defensive exaggeration in the face of blatant evidence of social media-fuelled excess.

No none really says that. 🙄 Just a bit of exaggeration for effect and tbh I think it makes my point.

As for " reverse virtue signalling " yeah probably got that all wrong as it's a sort of double bluff on words. But I bet people know what I'm getting at even though I'd score nothing on a semantics test. You can have those points.

And tbh there was no defensiveness, just a general observation that many posters did actually do at least some of the Christmas stuff being criticised, but with lots of " justs" thrown in.

It's just as sneery to criticise what people do as much as what they don't do.

And I stand by my point that the issue isn't what OP does or doesn't do, each to their own, it's just what she thinks she should be doing and SM is to blame for that.

Gives a wave. 3 kids and we have done the same as you.

• choc calendars here which they love as they eat them before breakfast,
• elf on shelf is creepy and frankly Iv better things to do than move a bloody toy about each night
• Christmas eve they can open one present from under the tree, don't need a box.
• granny buys everyone a new onsie as they are xmas day wear.
• santa will be a charity one with a pic

Even worse we 90% of the time don't leave anything out for santa or reindeers as kids forget and fall asleep