Suddenly feel like a crap parent.

[Ceecee30]

I did not get them a toy advent calendar like many people have posted on Facebook. They have chocolate ones. They seem happy with that but what if their friends have the toy ones and they realise they don't?

We have an elf on the shelf but he isn't half as adventurous as some. He often just sits on the shelf so climbs on the lampshade. we didn't buy one of the fancy balloons people bought to welcome him back.

We don't have matching Christmas pjs.

I don't plan to do Christmas Eve boxes.

I haven't booked a Santa experience, a winter wonderland or any other things.

We do have our decs up. We have been out looking at neighbours lights the last few nights. Dd did see Santa at a winter fayre but it was a quick whip in and out grotto. We've been to look in the local garden centre which is amazing at Christmas.

They've got a fair amount of presents each on Christmas Day itself but is all the extra leading up to it essential?

Please tell I'm not the only one who doesn't do everything everyone else is doing?!

Social media is the devil. Making me feel like we don't do much in comparison.

It's all fine, you do you OP. We have elf on the shelf - DS likes it - we don't take photos of it, don't do the other stuff. You've already done more than lots of parents get to do?

I don’t do the elf.

I absolutely swore I wasn’t going to get toy/ stuff advent calendars this year, but then I did, and felt like a crap, over extravagant parent for doing so!

We have a pair of new PJs per child (but they always need PJs to be fair, as they’re growing! And they aren’t overtly Christmas) and younger one had a Xmas jumper earlier on. Older one didn’t want one as she’s environmentally conscious.

Tbh I think you’re a better parent for not overdoing things!

Do your but for the planet and say no to all the extra tat

*bit not but!

@confusedofengland

I hear you! Been feeling like this all morning. Especially since I saw the FB post of a lovely friend who doesn't do all this, but who does her own advent thing, which looks so effortlessly stylish in her tidy house with her NT smiling DDs.

In the meantime, I bought Aldi chocolate advent calendars, which the Dses fought & stropped over. DS2, who has autism & ADHD, had a big meltdown yesterday before school about trainers & we were nearly late. We don't have enough money to get through the month, let alone Christmas & I had to buy him new trainers. It is DS1'S birthday in a couple of weeks & I don't know how we'll afford a present. And it's our turn to host Christmas & the house is a tip & needs decorating- again, money a huge issue in this.

Plus loads of wider family stuff going on, lots of seriously ill relatives.

I just want to hide away & cry, but all I can see is that I'm not doing enough & my kids aren't getting the same as other kids 😭

Sorry to hear you are having an awful time. And yes social media makes these things harder, as it can look like others are living really perfect and easy lives.

But I assure you there are many of us out there who are getting gifts for our kids from free stuff apps, and boot sales, and getting school shoes there too. And live in a house that only ever has one room tidy at a time while the rest build up with mess!!!! And the 2 year old says no to everything! And guess what, the kids still have a lovely christmas!

It is hard work trying to do these things with no budget. Send me a PM if you'd like some of my tips about it.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Mine chose a £2 and £5 chocolate calendar respectively. Tree won't go up till mid December and a handful of presents for each and that's it along with school activities for the primary aged one, older one's school won't do much anything

Do what you enjoy and can afford (in terms of time and money) and skip everything else. Don't make supposedly pleasurable things into a burden for yourself.

Mind you, I'm tempted to suggest matching PJs to dd(14) just to see the look of outraged horror on her face.

I don't even get my kids chocolate advent calendars, they just get the picture ones They get plenty of chocolate and treats anyway, and they are very excited about their advent calendars because it's the countdown to Christmas - no chocolate or toys necessary.

If you're a crap parent, I'm a total Scrooge!

I was worried I was spoiling mine by giving them a chocolate advent calender! I think i might need to relax a little.

Aww please just do what you want to do, they dont need a toy one, they dont need an elf and they dont even need a chocolate advert calendar, they get what you want to give them.

Its not a bad thing that they learn a friend has something they don't, it teaches them that people all have different things and thats good, yes he may get upset but its not a bad thing for them to learn, othetwise where would i stop

We did julia Donaldson advent calender and a chocolate one.
No elf.

Dont look to others, just do what feels right for you.

When DD was little, 20 years ago there was none of this Elf on a Shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, etc. stuff. I have seen people on Mumsnet this year talking about a hot chocolate 'station' that you have to set up in your home apparently. They are not 'traditions' they are things invented in the last few years, mainly as a way to get people to spend more money, as far as I can see.

Father Christmas coming, Christmas carols, a nice Xmas tree, pantomimes etc., these are genuine Christmas traditions and enough to get any child excited I would have thought.

And not to sound sanctimonious (I know it probably does!) but how about getting the DCs involved in doing something for charity? The true meaning of Christmas etc.

And being a good/crap parent is not decided on materialistic things, its much, much more than that.

Oh god no - for the last 3 years I've bought lego or playmobile or whatever calendars, barely cared about. DS2 actually said half-way through december last year that he just wanted a normal chocolate one

(I declined to mention that when I was a kid, the chocolate ones were fancy, and all I got was a little picture behind the door!)

Honestly, if yours are like mine, the daily chocolate is way more appreciated than any little toy.

My eldest is Lego mad, so we have for them a Lego advent calendar, but other than that, we do none of those things listed by OP. If people want to that's fine, but for us, things like elf/Xmas eve boxes etc are just too much to have to think about for 3 kids when we've got enough on our plate as it is..! We will probably go to an Xmas market - haven't booked a Santa experience as I'd have to have booked it in October to do so. We went one year to one and it was good, but I don't think my kids will feel they've missed out if we don't every year. Might go next year when twins are old enough not to definitely cry on sight of 'Santa', but again, probably won't if everyone else is much more organised 😆🙈 we haven't got a tree yet (it would die before Xmas if we did!!) and have only just got decs down from loft. I feel a bit that if there is too much 'stuff' before Xmas you run our steam by the actual day...

and my kids would think I'd lost it if I let an elf loose in the house...

would melt in shame at matching PJs, and couldn't care less about Christmas eve boxes. If I wanted to make them happy, I'd just bung the little one a massive bar of chocolate, and the bigger one some kind of mince pie.

Christmas pyjamas. I cannot get my head round that one. Sorry "PJs"

These things are materialistic and aren't what make children happy.

They will mostly remember the interactions they have with us. A positive and nurturing relationship is what they need.

I honestly think that if you're keeping them safe and connecting with them then you're doing them an amazing job.

Yes I do a Christmas Eve box but I literally only put what I'd buy anyway into it. Xmas pjs, a hot chocolate and a mug. I think it's better to do it on the1st Dec though (mainly because of the pjs) but I guess people just do what works for them.

Attention and feeling heard is what they need. xxxx

@CloudPop

Christmas pyjamas. I cannot get my head round that one. Sorry "PJs"

I guess if you're kid needs new pjs then they might as well be Christmassy?

@DoubleYolker

Comparison is the thief of joy!

I don’t do any of that stuff either. Not keen on the complete commercialisation of Christmas (from an environmental rather than religious point of view).

My kids are happy, healthy and well adjusted having never had an elf on the shelf, lego advent calendar or Christmas Eve box. They’ve also never been to a Santa Experience.

You’re doing a great job OP

This is our Christmas in America, so if they question it tell them it is an "international experience'! Tp be completely authentic just let them eat an entire box of chocolate on Christmas morning!

It's supposed to be fun.
People putting pressure on themselves and getting stressed in pursuit of The Perfect Christmas are bonkers, frankly.

Don't waste your time trying to achieve some silly Instagram fantasy. It's not worth it.

Worst decision I ever made was to start the bloody elves. Ours got married and had a baby. Don't do that!

I would book Father Christmas but the rest of it mig a chance and we love Christmas.

So much business driven pressure! Ignore!!!

You can make Christmas magic for him without falling victim to all the money-making nonsense.

I've never done any of that invented Facebook crap. No elves on shelves, no boxes. Our Christmas comes from our own family traditions that we did when we were kids, not bollocks pushed by marketers.

My kids are looking forward to the Christmas books coming down from the loft, various decorations they remember, buying the tree and my daughter inexplicably can't stop talking about the salami she had on the buffet last year.

Kids love a family Christmas. They're not the selfish devils that marketing teams would have you believe, and likely have about as much interest in a dismal bunch of 'making memories' glittery rubbish as the average hamster.

Sounds like you spend way too much time on social media.