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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you change what drink you want when doing rounds at the pub?

203 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 01/12/2021 11:51

My OH gets the hump with me when we go to the pub as I order my favourite wine and it can cost between £6 - 8 for a large glass depending on where we are. His pint is usually £3 - 5.
He is a tight arse and I'm trying to come to terms with it, but I wonder if I should order a small glass or a cheaper drink when he's paying and order what I want when I pay.
He (half jokingly, I hope) said that I should buy him two pints when it's my round to make up for it. I told him that was ridiculous, but is it?

YABU - I should order a smaller/cheaper drink when it's not my round.

YANBU - order what I want

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 02/12/2021 00:01

@SofiaMichelle

I have to say I'm really surprised at how firmly in favour of YANBU this thread is.

If it was the other way round - man drinking large drinks at twice the price of his OH's drink and expecting her to buy for him - I really do think it would not be treated the same.

Because MN hates men. And also presume that the woman does most of the work etc etc. In this case he's her boyfriend, they don't share children or even live together so I don't see why he should subsidise her drinks! OP what he's done for you especially when you'd been dating only a few months isn't the bare minimum. If you're buying each other one drink fair enough but rounds presumably continue throughout the night. How is it fair to make him keep paying extra?
JudgeJ · 02/12/2021 12:18

[quote canyon2000]@JudgeJ
When my husband and I go out with our friend we do 2 rounds to every round he does otherwise that wouldn't be a fair split.[/quote]
That would be my idea too but as I usually have one soft drink all evening whiie they have wine, pints etc I get quietly annoyed when my round is every 4 and not every 6!

Lifewith · 02/12/2021 12:40

Yeah cos having a wine is the same as hating men Hmm

Margerine78 · 02/12/2021 17:29

Jesus, what a tight git. I wouldn't even think of that if I was buying a round.

He should think you're worth what is essentially a couple of quid extra.

FangsForTheMemory · 02/12/2021 17:31

Blimey, when I was a student there was a sort of etiquette that you didn't order wine or shorts if someone was buying a round but I wouldn't want a boyfriend who was too tight to buy me the drink I preferred.

exaltedwombat · 02/12/2021 17:40

A married couple must come to their own agreement! But when a regular 'round' with a group of friends leaves one person consistently out of pocket, something needs to be done.
I often join a married couple for a drink. We went for a long time on a 'you buy two rounds to my one' basis. Their preferred drinks were about £1 more than mine. Sometimes one of their daughters would join us. She was a definite asset on quiz night, great on all the pop culture stuff. But she wasn't working and wasn't expected to buy a round.
Well, OK. What's a few quid among friends? But when I worked out the few quid was adding up to about £250 over a year, it had to stop. I pay for my own now. No-one minds.
(Don't get me started on what an after-work round costs in the City!)

lightisnotwhite · 02/12/2021 17:50

It’s not a couple of quid it’s double the price!
That’s fine if the Op doesn’t gulp it down but if they are going rounds then she should pay for the third ( or more).

Having said that I agree tight men and women are terrible to date. I also gave a female friend who massively takes the piss although she fine once it was pointed out to her.

Michellelovesizzy · 02/12/2021 17:52

I don’t do rounds with my partner he just has to pay 4 all the drinks

LalalalalalaLand123 · 02/12/2021 18:15

Good lord he sounds awful.
Does he count pennies on everything you do together? Does he pay more if something he orders is more than something you order?
Unless he is very skint, I couldn't tolerate someone so stingy. This would poison the whole relationship for me.

cherish123 · 02/12/2021 18:19

Order what you want. Could you get 2 rounds out of 3?

BigYellowHat · 02/12/2021 18:23

@ChatterMonkey

Why dont you just tell him to get his own drinks if its such an issue for him?

But im surprised you can keep up with someone drinking pints if drinking large glasses of wine, if in rounds with someone having pints i would probably go for a medium glass rather than large. Not because of the cost, but becuase i think its annoying if someone is not keeping up with other drinkers, who end up having an empty glass in front of them waiting for you to finish so you get the next round in...

We’ve got a friend like this and it’s agonising with us and her husband shooting daggers at her whilst she practically licks her drink or does the tiniest sips ever! In the time I’ve drunk a pint she’s drunk about 20% of a pint 🍻 😬 😤
Ddot · 02/12/2021 18:24

I had a mate who would ask for whisky when it was my round, I drink Guinness (half) she would drunk cider her round. Taking into account I was financially embarrassed as just got divorced. I would take her a cider and say I forgot 😉

Vynalbob · 02/12/2021 18:29

Don't do rounds, simplez

For all those disgusted I bet they are the expensive 1s 😎... maybe their husband was chosen appropriately (joking.... ish)

calvados · 02/12/2021 18:36

How awful and what a downer on what should be a pleasant experience. It’s not a competition on who pays the most/least per round or who gets the most value! It should be about enjoying food and drink together.

sas1879 · 02/12/2021 18:42

I drink double Gin and Tonic if we are buying but if someone else is buying I change it to a single gin and tonic.

Bunchymcbunchface · 02/12/2021 18:45

Being tight of stingey is a huge NO NO for me.
With anyone! It doesn’t even need to be financial, people who don’t return favours, won’t lend etc. Not people I want to be around.

MeandT · 02/12/2021 18:46

If you're having 4 or 5 rounds, I'm impressed that you can put that many large glasses away! If you're going to have 3, definitely better buying the bottle anyway. In which case, pay your own way each as you suggested, and you don't need to get wound up about it. Sounds like he's kind in other ways and just doesn't enjoy funding the pubs' double markup on wine + by the glass. Tightish, but also has a fair point! Enjoy his other qualities while you drink the bottle at your own pace Wine

Harmonypuss · 02/12/2021 18:55

I don't drink alcohol and only ever go out with my son and sometimes his partner.
My soft drink is usually £2-3 and I never have more than 2, whereas their's are £5+ each, so if the 3 of us go out together it's around £13-14 per round. The partner NEVER buys one so it's just the two of us paying and as much as I don't (really) begrudge either of them a drink, I'm disabled and on benefits whilst they're both in good, well-paid jobs. Sometimes I feel I should just pay for my own and let them do the same.

simiisme · 02/12/2021 18:58

@Confusedteacher

Because he’s your partner YANBU! However if it was a friend/ colleague I would order a small glass, not large.
Absolutely. If a friend is buying, I order a cheaper drink. If your OH is that tight, it doesn't bode well for the relationship.
Whatamess582 · 02/12/2021 19:18

But wait a minute… you pay £3-4 for his beer and then £6-8 for your wine when you go up and then he goes up and pays the same thing….. I don’t see the problem. You’re both paying the same amount of money. Isn’t that they point. Then you can just both imagine both your drinks are €5 and be done with it.

yanbu. He is.

Tigger1895 · 02/12/2021 19:24

@BaronessEllarawrosaurus

I change my order if someone else is paying to something with a more reasonable cost. It's ok saying it's only £3-4 however if you each get 2 rounds and go out 3 times a week that adds up, if however you go out once a month for a quick drink it's a different matter.
But it’s her OH, should she change her personality if he asks?
BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 02/12/2021 19:37

Tigger1895

No I don't think she should, however this isn't a long established couple, they don't live together, they don't have joint finances and the op is expecting him to basically sub her drinks so is he stingy or is she selfish? Maybe they should buy their own, she'd be spending more and he'd be spending less. There have been no examples of his tightness given other than this and I just don't think it's as clear cut as he's being mean. If the op was being generous then she would buy 2 rounds for each one of his to try to keep things more equal. If I was the bf I would buy without complaining though it would probably make me think a bit, If I was the op I couldn't stand by and let such unequal spending carry on, I'd either moderate my drinks or buy more to compensate for my more expensive one.

Mirw · 02/12/2021 19:59

If you are in the pub every other night, there is an issue. If it is occasionally, keep drinking what you like. He needs to get over himself...

toxic44 · 02/12/2021 20:05

We had friends who, if we went for a coffee, she'd whisper to him, 'Who's paying?' If it was our turn she'd have double espresso with whipped cream and a sandwich and a fancy cake. If it was their turn it was, 'Oh I don't think I'll bother with anything.'

Seasidemumma77 · 02/12/2021 20:06

I'll order double vodka for myself when I'm paying, singles when anyone else's turn to pay in the round.