Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you change what drink you want when doing rounds at the pub?

203 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 01/12/2021 11:51

My OH gets the hump with me when we go to the pub as I order my favourite wine and it can cost between £6 - 8 for a large glass depending on where we are. His pint is usually £3 - 5.
He is a tight arse and I'm trying to come to terms with it, but I wonder if I should order a small glass or a cheaper drink when he's paying and order what I want when I pay.
He (half jokingly, I hope) said that I should buy him two pints when it's my round to make up for it. I told him that was ridiculous, but is it?

YABU - I should order a smaller/cheaper drink when it's not my round.

YANBU - order what I want

OP posts:
kowari · 01/12/2021 21:54

@Lifewith

But as a couple, surely you'd want the other person to be happy? It's wine ffs not a cocktail each round. Why would it make you happy that your boyf never bought you a drink?
Why wouldn't they both be happy if they got the drinks they wanted?
SSOYS · 01/12/2021 22:03

Tight arse unless he’s really short of cash and £3 makes a big difference for him, but in that case you should both be doing something other than buying rounds in the pub.

WrongWayApricot · 01/12/2021 22:08

I wouldn't really do rounds with a partner, I'd get whatever I liked, so would they and the price wouldn't really be mentioned. With a group of friends I don't get what I might fancy if it's expensive, I'll get something cheaper. If it is a first date or something I won't get a £20 cocktail or something stupid either, I'd be miffed if my date did though.

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 22:10

@korwari because it would be nice if your partner bought you a drink that you wanted?
That's standard. Where are peoples bar (pardon the pun) set?? I'd rather be single than have that stingy crap.

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 22:12

@SSOYS

Tight arse unless he’s really short of cash and £3 makes a big difference for him, but in that case you should both be doing something other than buying rounds in the pub.
Exactly. If you begrudge £3 to someone you care/love, where does it stop? I can't believe people think it's ok. Unless you're in the pub every night. But then you have other problems I guess
kowari · 01/12/2021 22:12

[quote Lifewith]@korwari because it would be nice if your partner bought you a drink that you wanted?
That's standard. Where are peoples bar (pardon the pun) set?? I'd rather be single than have that stingy crap.[/quote]
Personally, I didn't want my boyfriend to buy me a drink, because it wasn't a nice gesture, it was the start of rounds where he drank double what I drank so I was subsidising him every night we went out. I couldn't afford it. To me, he was a tight arse, one if the reasons he is an ex!

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 22:14

If a guy asked me to get a smaller wine because it was 2 quid too compared compared his pint, my my fanny would literally shut Grin and I would laugh in his face how ridiculous he was being and was not my dad telling me what drink I could and could not have on his round. Complete joke

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 22:16

@kowari well I guess thats a diff story then and you have a point. Doubles every round is a bit diff to a wine once in a while

RichardMarxisinnocent · 01/12/2021 22:18

@Confusedteacher

Because he’s your partner YANBU! However if it was a friend/ colleague I would order a small glass, not large.
I'd agree with this. For me the usual rules of rounds don't count between partners. With friends, colleagues or other family, I would get something of a similar cost (or cheaper) to what they are drinking
WhenSepEnds · 01/12/2021 22:18

@TheSoapyFrog

My OH gets the hump with me when we go to the pub as I order my favourite wine and it can cost between £6 - 8 for a large glass depending on where we are. His pint is usually £3 - 5. He is a tight arse and I'm trying to come to terms with it, but I wonder if I should order a small glass or a cheaper drink when he's paying and order what I want when I pay. He (half jokingly, I hope) said that I should buy him two pints when it's my round to make up for it. I told him that was ridiculous, but is it?

YABU - I should order a smaller/cheaper drink when it's not my round.

YANBU - order what I want

Tell him if he doesn't want to pay the money then you will each buy your own?
SofiaMichelle · 01/12/2021 22:36

I have to say I'm really surprised at how firmly in favour of YANBU this thread is.

If it was the other way round - man drinking large drinks at twice the price of his OH's drink and expecting her to buy for him - I really do think it would not be treated the same.

kowari · 01/12/2021 22:44

@SofiaMichelle
I agree. I posted just that, my boyfriend drinking pints to my halves, I don't see how it's different.

Fros · 01/12/2021 22:47

I'd find that incredibly mean spirited from a partner.

And I'm petty enough that if my OH continued to moan after I'd told them to stop being ridiculous, I'd spend the next week pointing out every time they'd spent longer in the shower, eaten a larger portion of a meal/more of the groceries, used the washer more often than I had, added an overpriced magazine to the grocery shop etc etc

When I drink I alternate spirits and soft drinks - not that I've been out much since covid - and I only do rounds with people I know well who will not push me to drink alcohol when I don't want it, or begrudge it if my drink is a bit more expensive when I do (and we all agree that if there is one, the designated driver doesn't pay for drinks)

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 22:54

@SofiaMichelle

I have to say I'm really surprised at how firmly in favour of YANBU this thread is.

If it was the other way round - man drinking large drinks at twice the price of his OH's drink and expecting her to buy for him - I really do think it would not be treated the same.

Her drink is not twice the price and its not the same scenario
Lifewith · 01/12/2021 22:58

@Fros that's a good point, where does it end? Ordering a takeaway and he gets his calculator because you want some chips?
Being a partner, you obvs wouldn't take the piss with money, if you do then you're with the wrong partner anyway.

SofiaMichelle · 01/12/2021 23:00

@Lifewith
Her drink is not twice the price and it's not the same scenario.

From the first post in the thread:

...I order my favourite wine and it can cost between £6 - 8 for a large glass depending on where we are. His pint is usually £3 - 5.

How is it not ~twice the price and how is it not the same scenario?

Luredbyapomegranate · 01/12/2021 23:02

If you have separate finances then you could order separately, but it depends how the rest of your spending shakes down, and how much a different a tenner a night really makes to him. The easiest thing would be to order separately - I certainly wouldn’t change what I drank.

People are different about money, and it’s fair enough to think pub wine is overpriced for what it is.. but if he’s generally mean I’d be wary of that long term.

pickingdaisies · 01/12/2021 23:08

Not what you asked, but I don't order large glasses of wine when out because I can't pace myself, but the pricing sort of incentivises you to buy a bigger glass, a small glass is really bad value.
I knew someone who would have a whiskey if someone else was buying, and half a lager when it was his round. And he earned more than me too! In your shoes OP, I'd buy myself a bottle. I think the diy work he did for you shows he's generous in other ways (and it seems like much more than bare minimum to me!)

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 23:09

[quote SofiaMichelle]@Lifewith
Her drink is not twice the price and it's not the same scenario.

From the first post in the thread:

...I order my favourite wine and it can cost between £6 - 8 for a large glass depending on where we are. His pint is usually £3 - 5.

How is it not ~twice the price and how is it not the same scenario?[/quote]
Are people seriously saying they would find a man like this attractive? (Personality wise)
(And yes you can be careful with money and not begrudge your partner a wine)
Yikes.
Ok then, I've no more to contribute so good-luck OP

Marvellousmadness · 01/12/2021 23:16

Just buy you own food and drinks
Or dump his ass.

I couldn't live which such a man 😅

Kite22 · 01/12/2021 23:24

If it were a friend I regularly drank with and I typically had a drink that cost twice as much as hers, I would not change my drink, but I would make sure it is me buying the extra odd numbered round.

It seems very petty with a partner, I can’t imagine being in that scenario to comment.

This ^

It sounds like you have been together a long time and support each other in different ways, so, if one of you drinks something that costs more than the other, well, so be it. I suspect when you go out for a meal the meals don't cost the same either, so it does seem weird comparing individual rounds if you have a drink.
However I do think it is a bit daft to pay out £6 - £8 for a glass when you would get the bottle for probably just twice that.

Skysblue · 01/12/2021 23:26

That’s very unsexy of him, is he trying to be funny / make you feel you should be ‘grateful’?

Suggest you stop doing rounds.

Difficult to picture a future with him, imagine the debates about the cost of every single thing the house / baby / dog needs…

AliceMck · 01/12/2021 23:33

Nrtft

Certainly not with my DH/DP. I’d tell him where to go.

The only time I’d go cheap on drinks is if I’m with extended family, mainly aunts & uncles who drink half a larger and drink in working men’s clubs. If I’m low on money & out with friends I’d say I’m buying my own and not doing rounds, I’d expect friends to do the same.

JustLyra · 01/12/2021 23:35

I think it really depend on how many rounds you have on a night out.

What I drink generally costs £3/4 a round more than both my DH and my best friend. Before we shared finances, and always with my best friend, I made/make sure I either buy a few more rounds or the likes as it’s really not fair if they’re spending £20/30 more on me than me them regularly.
If you only have one or two rounds then it’s not such a big deal.

It’s similar to splitting a meal imo. Entirely normal if it’s swings and roundabouts to split, but if one person regularly makes more expensive choices then they should recognise that and either chip in more or not do it every time.

sbhydrogen · 01/12/2021 23:38

I wouldn't order a cocktail, but I'll generally order what I want

Swipe left for the next trending thread