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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you change what drink you want when doing rounds at the pub?

203 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 01/12/2021 11:51

My OH gets the hump with me when we go to the pub as I order my favourite wine and it can cost between £6 - 8 for a large glass depending on where we are. His pint is usually £3 - 5.
He is a tight arse and I'm trying to come to terms with it, but I wonder if I should order a small glass or a cheaper drink when he's paying and order what I want when I pay.
He (half jokingly, I hope) said that I should buy him two pints when it's my round to make up for it. I told him that was ridiculous, but is it?

YABU - I should order a smaller/cheaper drink when it's not my round.

YANBU - order what I want

OP posts:
canyon2000 · 01/12/2021 15:07

@JudgeJ
When my husband and I go out with our friend we do 2 rounds to every round he does otherwise that wouldn't be a fair split.

cakewench · 01/12/2021 15:12

oh I like the idea of you buying yourself a bottle and let him fetch his own pints.

Honestly YANBU. If I'm with friends, I might start with a pint or two of cider if someone else is buying, but will get myself something else (often slimline G&T; a problem with rounds is there's no cheap way of getting a lower calorie option really) if it's my round or if people are generally having that sort of drink.

In a partner though, I'd feel strange doing this. And no, I wouldn't expect HIM to change drinks for me if roles were reversed (I know how MN likes to accuse people of this...) You're in a relationship, supposedly you should want the other person to be happy with what they're drinking. I do exactly this with close friends as well so I'm not just imagining a situation!

The fact that it's weighing on him enough that he's brought it up just would make me feel scrutinised and funny. I'd definitely retract into buying my own bottles and considering whether or not this has effected other areas of my life as well..

ElftonWednesday · 01/12/2021 15:19

If a few people wanted wine I might suggest we get a bottle but other than that, have what you want. If people aren't drinking alcohol though I wouldn't make them part of the round-buying unless they wanted to be.

ElftonWednesday · 01/12/2021 15:20

At the same time I probably wouldn't have a £15 cocktail if others were having pints...but beers, wines, spirits, normal stuff all ok.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/12/2021 15:20

I think it’s definitely a good idea to buy yourself a bottle at the beginning and he can sort out his own pints

RealBecca · 01/12/2021 15:25

There are loads of men who will samd walls and look after you/family when you're sock, thats the bare minimum expectation.

As is the idea that if you ever moved in you'd share finances and he wouldnt quibble over you spending an extra fiver now and again.

EllieLucy · 01/12/2021 15:34

@outofittt

This is not fun for you OP, have you talked to him about it? I would tend to buy my own drinks if someone is being arsey about how much it costs.
I used to do this but it's no good in a long term relationship. What happens when one is a higher earner or one is on maternity pay or sick leave? It ends up in an unequal power balance. Which is seen many times, on here and in real life, where the lower earner (usually the woman) ends up with no spare income after paying "her half" of the bills and often all/majority of children's expenses, when her DP has tons left after paying for only half the bills, none of the children's costs and having a higher income to start with. I'd throw this one back OP, you can do better than his stinginess and the misery it creates.
Original poster
TheSoapyFrog · 01/12/2021 15:46

@RealBecca

There are loads of men who will samd walls and look after you/family when you're sock, thats the bare minimum expectation.

As is the idea that if you ever moved in you'd share finances and he wouldnt quibble over you spending an extra fiver now and again.

He did the walls for me when we'd only been together for a few months. Is that really bare minimum?! I'd expect that as bare minimum for a long partner who lives with you though.
OP posts:
BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 01/12/2021 15:49

Apart from the drink situation in what other ways is he stingy with money?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 01/12/2021 15:51

Can’t stand people with such a lack of generosity of spirit. It’s one of DH’s most attractive features.

hangrylady · 01/12/2021 16:23

YABU to be with such a tightarse. I couldn't be attracted to a man like this even if he looked like Tom Hardy.

girlmom21 · 01/12/2021 16:26

OP is he tight or is money tight for him?

All these posters saying "I couldn't be with someone like that", would you rather be with someone who talks the talk but is in a shit load of debt?

hangrylady · 01/12/2021 16:27

"He did the walls for me when we'd only been together for a few months. Is that really bare minimum?!
I'd expect that as bare minimum for a long partner who lives with you though"

I'd say so. I'd been with DH a couple of weeks and he changed his whole weekend plans to hire a van to help me move. It was ages ago but I'm pretty sure he insisted on paying for the van too!

DrManhattan · 01/12/2021 18:02

Being tight is massively unattractive

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2021 18:03

Start each paying for your own.
God, tight arses are such a turn off

lottiegarbanzo · 01/12/2021 19:56

How many large glasses of wine do you drink in one evening? If 2 or more, you might as well buy the bottle. (2 because the cost will be the same and you can take the 'spare glass' home with you, 3 because that is a bottle).

So one of buys the bottle, the other the beers.

I don't really get how 'rounds' applies to a partner, when it's just the two of you.

If I'm with friends then yes I'd adjust my drink to fit, or just buy my own.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/12/2021 19:57

Tightness is a BIG turn off though. It own't just be pennies for pints that he begrudges.

kowari · 01/12/2021 20:20

If you both drank the same thing but he drank pints and you drank halves, would it be fair that if you went out for 4 drinks each time, you'd be spending twice as much on buying him drinks as he does you?
A freeloader boyfriend used to do this to me. I was a single parent with a lot less spare cash than him and couldn't afford to be paying for his pints so I said I'd get my own. He still kept trying to push the rounds system on me by buying first. In the end I just took a tenner cash out with me as I knew I wouldn't be drinking more than that.

Liverbird77 · 01/12/2021 20:38

Odd behaviour.
If it was with friends then I'd order wine but if I was with my husband I'd have whatever I wanted. We share finances though. I find this situation strange.

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 20:47

What a twat

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 20:52

So you're only allowed to order a drink the same price as his or lower? Even if it's not what you want?
And you're still with him? How the heck did he charm you on a date??

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 20:55

Hey heres an idea, why dos t he have a coke and then you can have a whole bottle Grin
Seriously op , he sounds like your parent. How can you sleep with a man who treats you like that

coogee · 01/12/2021 21:16

But I was in Hammersmith the other day and ordered a large glass of house red- £9.10

That’s not much less than I pay for a bottle.

kowari · 01/12/2021 21:33

Hey heres an idea, why dos t he have a coke and then you can have a whole bottle
Or just buy a bottle and he can buy his own pints. Everyone happy 😊

Lifewith · 01/12/2021 21:46

But as a couple, surely you'd want the other person to be happy? It's wine ffs not a cocktail each round.
Why would it make you happy that your boyf never bought you a drink?