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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you change what drink you want when doing rounds at the pub?

203 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 01/12/2021 11:51

My OH gets the hump with me when we go to the pub as I order my favourite wine and it can cost between £6 - 8 for a large glass depending on where we are. His pint is usually £3 - 5.
He is a tight arse and I'm trying to come to terms with it, but I wonder if I should order a small glass or a cheaper drink when he's paying and order what I want when I pay.
He (half jokingly, I hope) said that I should buy him two pints when it's my round to make up for it. I told him that was ridiculous, but is it?

YABU - I should order a smaller/cheaper drink when it's not my round.

YANBU - order what I want

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 01/12/2021 12:37

@canyon2000

I have a friend that does this. He gets himself a beer when it's his round but when it's our round he asks for a gin & tonic and a packet of peanuts!! It makes me laugh!
When people are in a group do women of couples buy rounds? I ask this because in a group I'm with once a week there are two couples and two single and it seems to be the expectation is that the couples are treated as one unit and that means there are four, not six people buying rounds.
Iggly · 01/12/2021 12:38

Jeez I wouldn’t even notice.

Suggest that you just buy your own.

MatildaIThink · 01/12/2021 12:40

@JudgeJ
When people are in a group do women of couples buy rounds? I ask this because in a group I'm with once a week there are two couples and two single and it seems to be the expectation is that the couples are treated as one unit and that means there are four, not six people buying rounds.
In my friendship group if it was all couples we would buy rounds as couples, but if there is a single there then we buy rounds as singles, otherwise the singles are getting screwed over.

husbandcallsmepickle · 01/12/2021 12:43

I drink wine in the pub and if someone offers to buy me one I don't request a specific size, I leave it to them to decide.

LowlandLucky · 01/12/2021 12:54

It is £3 or £4 a round so if he is buying 3 or 4 rounds it soon adds up. How long have you been with him ?

WheelieBinPrincess · 01/12/2021 12:55

I’m a married couple and we would never buy a round between us, we get one each. I do have couple friends that do this- and it drives me nuts. DH went to Silverstone with them- they split the taxi from the station two ways, not three- so they put up £15 and my DH £15, should have been a tenner each, but DH never pulls them up on it. We never split the bill or get rounds when they’re involved.

pregnantncnc · 01/12/2021 13:02

In a group of friends or large group of people, I don't do rounds. I hate it, it makes me drink more than I want to, spend more than I want to, and it makes me uncomfortable. However, just going out with a partner or one friend, I am happy to.

I wouldn't change what I wanted to drink, but I would order a small if the other person was having a pint. Yes, because of the price difference, but also for the comparative units of alcohol and the time it would take me to drink it without getting pissed.

Most of the time, I don't drink alcohol, but I'm always happy to buy friends alcohol if they fancy a glass - and I don't care if they order a £12 glass of wine while I'm having sparkling water or coke. And I would expect them to be fine to do the same if they offered to buy me a drink. Definitely if it was a partner!

ParkheadParadise · 01/12/2021 13:05

When I go out for a night out with friends (4 of us) we all put £30 in the kitty when we enter the pub. We top it up if it's needed.

outofittt · 01/12/2021 13:07

This is not fun for you OP, have you talked to him about it? I would tend to buy my own drinks if someone is being arsey about how much it costs.

Journeynotdestination · 01/12/2021 13:09

What a grim situation to be in. My tight, penny pinching (yet well off) ex was like this. So glad I’m not with him anymore.

Gilly12345 · 01/12/2021 13:11

Are you married or not?

Stingy/tight with money people are awful and bad company.

If not married then I would dump him and find a new bloke who is less begrudgingly with money.

If married then give him a good kick up the ass and tell him so.

dootball · 01/12/2021 13:18

Normally men drink pints much faster than a large glass of wine, which then sort of balances it out depending on how things work out.

SofiaMichelle · 01/12/2021 13:31

I'd say, "it depends..." because, as others have said, what exactly is he to you? "OH" can mean living together as a couple and practically married, to some, or much more casual, to others.

I do also think that it could be a case of YABU/YANBU being more nuanced, too.

If you both drank the same thing but he drank pints and you drank halves, would it be fair that if you went out for 4 drinks each time, you'd be spending twice as much on buying him drinks as he does you?

Too many ifs and buts for me...

SofiaMichelle · 01/12/2021 13:32

@ParkheadParadise

When I go out for a night out with friends (4 of us) we all put £30 in the kitty when we enter the pub. We top it up if it's needed.
That's fine if you're all drinking roughly the same value of drinks over the night.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/12/2021 13:32

That’s really tight of him, especially for a partner! I wouldn’t like that

I think, though, you’re consuming much more alcohol with a large glass of wine than he is with a pint, so you could end up significantly more drunk. If I was drinking with a bloke (because they can usually take more alcohol, not because I don’t think women can drink pints!) I’d match a small glass of wine to his pint, rather than a large one. I’d still probably end up drunker than him!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/12/2021 13:34

I drink wine in the pub and if someone offers to buy me one I don't request a specific size, I leave it to them to decide.

^^
I do that too!

Bookworm20 · 01/12/2021 13:36

When people are in a group do women of couples buy rounds? I ask this because in a group I'm with once a week there are two couples and two single and it seems to be the expectation is that the couples are treated as one unit and that means there are four, not six people buying rounds.

I think it all depends on the setup of the group. My DP often drinks in a particular pub and they do rounds, usually just the blokes, but if someones partner turns up they are just included in the round but not expected to buy one back IYSWIM. So in my case couples are treated as a single unit.

Also I like a large glass of wine, but if its not mine and DP's round, I would request a small.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/12/2021 13:38

With a partner, I’d order what I wanted. In a group, I’d not go crazy and order something sensible.

girlmom21 · 01/12/2021 13:39

If we're in the pub as a couple we'd never quibble over who orders what. Have a cocktail, have a glass of coke, I don't care.

If it's a new relationship, though, is he saying he can't afford regular pub visits?

SarahJeffers341 · 01/12/2021 13:40

Being tight is so unattractive!

Hoppinggreen · 01/12/2021 13:41

I had a friend who was very tight.
If we did rounds she would have a drink if we were paying but when it was her turn she would get us one but not herself, it was as if she didn’t like spend money on herself.
Mind you, her Dad was awful to her and pretty much instilled it into her how worthless she was so I could see why she was like that.
I didn’t mind as long as she bought my drink when it was her turn

Wiredforsound · 01/12/2021 13:42

Where can you get a pint for £3? I paid nearly £6 last night?

#misses point of thread#

AndMatt · 01/12/2021 13:43

In a group, I'd be really embarrassed to be having the most expensive drink and would take an extra turn. I I wouldn't change my drink if that's what I wanted, but I would absolutely make sure I'd paid my way. I wouldn't expect to keep count with an "OH" though.

A couple of points though. Surely you can't match him pint for pint with a large glass of wine? So don't you have fewer drinks?

Where are you drinking that beer is £3-£5? It seems to be £6 at least here since the reopening!

PrincessNutella · 01/12/2021 13:43

I think that with the taxi situation, the situation is kind of ambiguous--I can see the logic of dividing the ride by two just as well as the logic of dividing it by three. With the wine, I see two sides. Do you actually drink as much as he does? Most women can't and should not drink as much as men. So it would benefit you physiologically to get smaller drinks and savor them more. On the other hand, he does sound like a baby.

AndMatt · 01/12/2021 13:44

@Hoppinggreen

I had a friend who was very tight. If we did rounds she would have a drink if we were paying but when it was her turn she would get us one but not herself, it was as if she didn’t like spend money on herself. Mind you, her Dad was awful to her and pretty much instilled it into her how worthless she was so I could see why she was like that. I didn’t mind as long as she bought my drink when it was her turn
I sometimes do this because I'm a bit of a lightweight and no one takes any notice if you say you don't want one when it's their turn it arrives anyway. It's because I can't keep up, not to save money.