AIBU to think parents shouldn't get preferential treatment when it comes to time off work?

[KwestTurkey]

I just read an article on Facebook about this. A parent had asked a childfree colleague if she could have some of her saved holiday days and was refused (understandably).

That's obviously a CF request. But in general, what do you think about parents and holiday requests Vs childfree colleagues?

I don't believe parents should be given priority when it comes to time off on any holiday, be it summer or Christmas etc.. I think it should always, generally, work on a first come first served basis. The amount of times I was refused any sort of time off in the summer because every single parent in the office had booked off the summer and they were given first dibs on those dates used to annoy me.

I'm a parent now but my opinion hasn't changed on that. I think if someone childfree has gotten there with the request before you then that's tough.

Same with Christmas, if you work a job that requires Christmas working, I don't think it's fair to allow the same people off every Christmas year in year out.

It's definitely something I've experienced in my workplace before and after having DC and it feels very unfair.

I really don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to ensure you get time off during school holidays or things like Christmas and that a childfree colleague has as much right to book the time off as any parent.

So...

YANBU - parents shouldn't get preferential treatment or priority when it comes to time off work.

YABU - they should.

DancingQueen85

YABU I would always put a child's right to spend time with their parents above my own needs. Obviously this should be within reason“

How do you feel about the child’s right to spend time with their elderly parent?

Do children have a right to spend Christmas Day with their parents? This is news to me.

but I’m not willing to say that the things that are important to me living a fulfilled life without kids (my choice) like spending Christmas with my friends or even half term going away with my friends and their kids is less important than the life choices of others (including having kids).

Yes, @Rose40Berry I think the way you express it is very clear. It is a lifestyle choice to have children, however parents may feel outraged at that view. And why does a family with children have more right to holidays or Christmas together than a different sort of family?

One could argue quite logically that actually single people should have priority at Christmas because they’ll need to travel to be with their families - they don’t live with them. If you have a family of children, you live with them, and don’t need to travel to be with them. Brist as celebrations can be arranged around working hours far more easily, because you’re all together already.

Well, get this. I used to work with someone whose OH was a teacher. Our new manager said holiday dates were 'first come, first served', and this colleague went through the calendar and booked leave for every single school holiday. Sometimes just a couple of days in the middle of half term, sometimes a whole week. This meant that nobody else (small team) could book time off during the school holidays unless they worked around her dates. As the year progressed, she changed a lot of the dates because she no longer wanted to take time off then. Essentially, she'd reserved all the weeks she might want leave, until she decided one way or the other.

@MrsSkylerWhite
I'd put the children's needs above that. You know like how on the Titanic, they let the children get on the life boats first.

A summer holiday is not a lifeboat.

[quote DancingQueen85]@MrsSkylerWhite
I'd put the children's needs above that. You know like how on the Titanic, they let the children get on the life boats first.[/quote]
What exactly do you think the children’s needs are on Christmas Day? Those needs can be met by other adults than just their mum.

@julieca

A summer holiday is not a lifeboat.

I'd put the children's needs above that. You know like how on the Titanic, they let the children get on the life boats first.

They also let the women on first, does that mean women get their holiday approved before men? What if its a childless woman and a single parent dad?

@PurpleDaisies

Do children have a right to spend Christmas Day with their parents? This is news to me.

Me too. Both my parents worked on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas day. I never remember being upset about it, just thought how joyless for them, like going to school on Christmas day!

It never spoiled Christmas, we worked around it.

I was raised with a strong work ethic, my parents had to work to put food on the table. They never grumbled about it and always took their turn on Christmas rotas.

That was back in the eighties, I think we have all become a bit more selfish and intolerant of others.

I remember one Christmas dads colleague worked Christmas Day for him. My sister, brother and I all wrote him thank you notes, because my parents explained what a big sacrifice this man had made to give up his Christmas Day so we could have ours. They never once said well he doesn’t have children so he doesn’t deserve it as much as we do.

I think children should just be left to drown then.

(Obviously not - but this thread has sunk to a ridiculous level of argument)

@Mellowyellow222 your parents sound lovely

DancingQueen85

@MrsSkylerWhite
I'd put the children's needs above that. You know like how on the Titanic, they let the children get on the life boats first.“

Absolutely, because otherwise they may have died.

Not sure many children die because they don’t get to spend all of Christmas Day with their parents.

I am sour to parents having preferential treatment after being basically shit in by a mother who begged me to let her have the prime annual leave time I'd already booked off in August ( a few years ago) She went on and on about not knowing what to do about her kids etc.
Turns out the kids stayed with their aunty while wailing mum went to Benidorm withher mates!!
I was , and I rarely use this word, livid. Absolutely raging!!!
I learned there and then to look after myself. I'm not saying I dont help out but I wont give things that I want to do up.

@PurpleDaisies
I know my kids would be absolutely devastated if they couldn't spend Christmas Day with their parents. I thought that was pretty normal. My own way elderly parents would get over it as they are grown ups.

@DancingQueen85 my elderly gran when she was alive wanted to spend Christmas day with me more than my teenagers. I mean if I did work Christmas day, I would still see the teenagers in the morning (maybe!) and evening. They wouldn't care if they didn't see me during the day.

It’s absolutely normal for plenty of kids do not spend Christmas Day with both parents.

Let’s not pretend this is about children. It’s about parents wanting to be home. That’s understandable but it’s not a good enough reason to force those without kids to pick up the slack. I am sympathetic to genuine childcare issues.

Yes I agree its about parents. Kids are fine. They still see their parent during Christmas day.
And plenty of divorced parents also only see their child for part of Christmas day or not at all.
If parents don't present it as a big deal, the kids are fine with it. The parents may be upset though.

[quote DancingQueen85]@PurpleDaisies
I know my kids would be absolutely devastated if they couldn't spend Christmas Day with their parents. I thought that was pretty normal. My own way elderly parents would get over it as they are grown ups. [/quote]
Might be time to teach your kids a sense of perspective.

My father worked every 3rd Christmas. None of us were ‘absolutely devastated’ by it.

@dancingqueen85

Its all very well saying you put childrens needs above your own, but as you are a parent you are esentially arguing to your own benefit, not anyone elses

Given you, on another thread, accused a childless woman of being spiteful because she dared book school hliday weeks off to spend time with her siblings children you clearly have a major issue with the idea of non parents daring to take holiday for the 13 or so weeks of the year that children are off (actually as I have worked several places where employees children are in different catchment areas with different half term dates etc that could easily be a higher number)

So whilst it is lovely that you put your childrens needs above your own, apparently you dont care about my sisters childrens needs, as according to you booking time off over summer to support her with childcare would be spiteful

But thats fine, I will just be over here in the corner hogging my lifeboat like the selfish woman I am.....

Putting your children first is what parents are supposed to do. Its not my job though to put other parents children first.

[quote DancingQueen85]@PurpleDaisies
I know my kids would be absolutely devastated if they couldn't spend Christmas Day with their parents. I thought that was pretty normal. My own way elderly parents would get over it as they are grown ups. [/quote]
They don't do a job where that's likely to happen. But their utter devastation is also of your doing. If kids are brought up to understand that Mommy has a very important job and that means that this year we do X (move Xmas day, go to Nanny's with Daddy, open presents early etc) it will be normal to them. And presumably your elderly parents aren't isolated and alone (given you said plural) and missing out on carers coming in, and spending their Xmas day alone eating a cheese sandwich the carer made the say before. A child who can spend the day with their other parent or family member isn't more in need that a vulnerable person who's alone.

@Toomanyradishes It’s because they mean their own children. They don’t care about anyone else’s. Which is fair enough, why should they care about a someone else’s kids. Except that they expect childless people to do it.

It’s all a load of hypocrisy and it’s impossible to win an argument with anyone who thinks like this, as they’re fundamentally just selfish.

the point of those notices or the more blunt ones is use the lift if you NEED it and if you don't NEED it use the stairs. So group of fit 15 year olds or fit couple in their 20s don't NEED the lift. If they don't use it then everyone who does NEED it can use it quicker. Instead of queues of people all waiting to use a lift whilst the empty staircase sits behind them

Yes, if both methods reach the same place - but (iirc) PP said that the escalator only went so far and only the lift went all the way to the car park. Also, what about others such as those who are elderly but not necessarily disabled, or those who are normally fit and healthy but who have several bags of heavy shopping?

I mean how long do you want the sign to be? Perhaps a simple "don't use the lift if you don't need to, don't be lazy, use the stairs!"