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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Part boarding school isn't good for kids

272 replies

Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:06

My friend suggested I put my kids into a part boarding school (it's like a boarding school but they finish at 8-9 pm] and just go home to sleep. What are your views on this? Is it just as "cruel" as boarding school?

OP posts:
CovidFreeChristmas · 03/12/2021 17:13

@Redbkyedotpot

Plus in this particular state they even have to go on Saturday mornings too. It's compulsory.
Most boarding schools have compulsory Saturday lessons. For boarders, flexis & day pupils.
Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 17:20

I don't know which school. I can ask next time I see them. Still I think it's better for the kids to be home and for parents to make an effort/sacrifice. Saturdsy school is also terrible IMO.

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 17:21

You cant make plans, have play dates, go to parties or do stuff as a family.

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 17:22

Also, if it was that "great" for them more parents would do this and in my whole 46 years of life I've only known my neighbour to have this set up and that's because she's a single mom and has to work for 2 I presume.

AnotherNewt · 03/12/2021 17:23

No, and I really mean no, not a single one, boarding school will let flexis stay until bedtime

I think there's a terminology issue

Most people use flexi-boarding to mean sleeping over school 2 or 3 times a week (booked flexibly with the school)

When people say that day pupils or flexiboarders on their non-sleepover nights can stay until bedtime they of course mean until boarders return to their houses at end of activities. Not literal tucking in time.

www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/choosing-a-school/independent-schools/what-type-of-boarding-full-weekly-or-flexi

CovidFreeChristmas · 03/12/2021 17:30

[quote AnotherNewt]No, and I really mean no, not a single one, boarding school will let flexis stay until bedtime

I think there's a terminology issue

Most people use flexi-boarding to mean sleeping over school 2 or 3 times a week (booked flexibly with the school)

When people say that day pupils or flexiboarders on their non-sleepover nights can stay until bedtime they of course mean until boarders return to their houses at end of activities. Not literal tucking in time.

www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/choosing-a-school/independent-schools/what-type-of-boarding-full-weekly-or-flexi[/quote]

But that's not bedtime? And flexis still have their boarding house for rec time, houses are much more of a thing in boarding schools. They won't seggregate flexis vs boarders, they seggregate by house. Flexis base would still be their boarding house. So bedtime really does mean bedtime.

Some places I know haven't had flexis for overnights because of Covid, so perhaps they are somewhere separate at the moment but usually the above should apply.

CovidFreeChristmas · 03/12/2021 17:39

@Redbkyedotpot

I don't know which school. I can ask next time I see them. Still I think it's better for the kids to be home and for parents to make an effort/sacrifice. Saturdsy school is also terrible IMO.

Yes, much better for parents to pick up from a school hall Afterschool club with colouring and films at 6pm, rush to cook dinner, bath & bed. Stressed about getting there on time, trains all messed up, traffic, late getting out of work... then tired kids wanting x y z while trying to cook the fastest meal ever, so more often then you should, you give in to beige oven food.

But yea...getting state of the art facilities, any club you can think off, hanging out with your actual friends, home type activities (watching TV, reading, taking the dog for a walk) all available, properly cooked nutrition dinner (because they have the normal school kitchen not just a microwave in the Afterschool club room), kids have done their prep so although you might have to rush to pick up, once you're home you can actually cuddle up and chat about your day rather than rush, rush, rush to fit it in.

I've done both and I know which I prefer. As do the kids. There's a reason our school is the most oversubscribed in the county.

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 17:43

And which school is that?
I'm sure most people haven't heard of it. There are plenty of great schools that are just schools and children go home after and do hwk with a parent/s and have weekends with their parents.

KatyAnna · 03/12/2021 17:46

[quote Aquamarinestar]@spottedleopard you say it's not for all dc
What kids is it not good for?[/quote]
My DS has sensory issues related to autism and just about copes with school. I have had to completely change my working patterns as he could not cope with after school. He is an example of the kind of child this arrangement would not work for.
My older DD coped just fine with after school care but became much more needy of her own space and time as a teenager to get on with her studying. I am not sure how much she would have liked this kind of set up either.

So I think day boarding would have been great for my job (and mental health!) but not really for either of my children. Children are all different, though.

CovidFreeChristmas · 03/12/2021 18:12

Lots of residential (boarding) schools for children with SEN including autism so that can't be a blanket statement. In fact the routine of a residential boarding school can be very helpful.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 03/12/2021 18:17

@Redbkyedotpot

And which school is that? I'm sure most people haven't heard of it. There are plenty of great schools that are just schools and children go home after and do hwk with a parent/s and have weekends with their parents.
If the OP was able to pick her children up straight from school and take them home to do their homework with them, this thread wouldn’t exist. She’s at work.
Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 18:20

I'm just saying and that's my opinion. Make sacrifices then, a lot of mothers do (Barr single moms) esp when the kids are younger (under 16]. Don't make them go to school on weekends or make them stay until 7pm or longer.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 03/12/2021 18:21

@Redbkyedotpot

I'm just saying and that's my opinion. Make sacrifices then, a lot of mothers do (Barr single moms) esp when the kids are younger (under 16]. Don't make them go to school on weekends or make them stay until 7pm or longer.
Any fathers have to make sacrifices, or just mothers?
Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 18:24

Also aren't these schools for children who have special home circumstances/circumstances or unstable environments?

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 18:25

@ThePoisonousMushroom
Either of curs

ThePoisonousMushroom · 03/12/2021 18:25

No. Where on earth did you get that idea? Boarding schools are for anyone who chooses to send their children to boarding school.

Ozanj · 03/12/2021 18:28

A lot of private schools locally do 8-6 or even 7-6 because of extra classes etc so I don’t see it being very different to that. Provided there are enough kids doing the longer hours regularly and they aren’t just expected to sit in a classroom until you pick them up it’s probably better than boarding for older kids. You can still have some time with them each day in the evening.

2reefsin30knots · 03/12/2021 18:28

Flexi-boarding is when kids do occasional nights or part weeks sleeping in as opposed to sleeping in all week-nights (weekly boarding) or sleeping in all nights (full boarding). Flexi is not to do with staying later.

At my DS's prep kids can go home at 4.20pm in Y3/4 or 5.10pm in Y6/7/8 (that is the standard school day). They can then stay for clubs until 6pm or for clubs and tea until 7.30pm- or they can sleep in.

You can do any combination of the above throughout the week, they just need to know the previous day for numbers.

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 18:29

It says it under the need for flexi boarding, a pp sent a list of schools and on the top one it it said
www.raa-school.co.uk/flexi.asp

ThePoisonousMushroom · 03/12/2021 18:30

That’s one school!

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 18:30

The others have a similar caveat too as I checked through!

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 18:32

@2reefsin30knots
I just don't see how it can be good for younger kids. It sort of seems like it's more convenient for the parents really.

KatyAnna · 03/12/2021 18:39

@CovidFreeChristmas

Lots of residential (boarding) schools for children with SEN including autism so that can't be a blanket statement. In fact the routine of a residential boarding school can be very helpful.
I was very clearly talking about my children as an example of the kind of children day boarding would not work for (for different reasons in each case); I did not say that day boarding would not work for all children on the autism spectrum.
CovidFreeChristmas · 03/12/2021 18:42

@Redbkyedotpot

The others have a similar caveat too as I checked through!
You can also check the admissions for each intake and see the number that actually fall into that category. Very few.
KatyAnna · 03/12/2021 18:43

@Redbkyedotpot

I'm just saying and that's my opinion. Make sacrifices then, a lot of mothers do (Barr single moms) esp when the kids are younger (under 16]. Don't make them go to school on weekends or make them stay until 7pm or longer.
Why do single mums not make sacrifices? Speaking as a single mother, to be clear, what sacrifices are other mothers making which I am not - or differently phrased, what stereotypes about single mothers are behind this comment?