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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Part boarding school isn't good for kids

272 replies

Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:06

My friend suggested I put my kids into a part boarding school (it's like a boarding school but they finish at 8-9 pm] and just go home to sleep. What are your views on this? Is it just as "cruel" as boarding school?

OP posts:
AnotherNewt · 03/12/2021 07:44

I've not come across it as a daily routine at prep age but it certainly happens for special events. Also the DC wouid be free to join the school clubs, many of which run in the evenings for the benefit of the boarders.

I'd call it flexiboarding when a pupils sleeps over only some nights. The extended hours, I'd call day boarding (ie day pupils who can stay in activities with their flexi or full boarding fellow pupils until those activities end). That can of course be just one night a week (particularly coveted club) or what ever else is wanted

Overthinkingx3 · 03/12/2021 08:02

I said this ages ago!

She’s just asked here instead of researching the reality

AtillatheHun · 03/12/2021 08:26

If you finish work at six, you must have a hella long commute if you can’t collect the poor kids until 9.

The very obvious thing is that you and your husband make a very minor adjustment to your working hours and finish at 5 twice a week each (or even 4 and start again for eg west coast calls at 8pm) with one day boarding during the week. Rather than dumping a substantial adjustment into your kids to accommodate your work, make a tiny adjustment to your work to accommodate your kids. What you are suggesting is godawful selfish

(Or get a nanny; the complaint in here that they leave after a couple of years is pretty silly- these aren’t toddlers. And a nanny will drive them to whatever out of school activities they want to do / have their friends over to play etc)

MarshaBradyo · 03/12/2021 08:57

I’d say get a nanny

Your dc will be home and can do every day stuff they’d do with a parent

Nextstationpaddington · 03/12/2021 09:17

What time do you and your husband start and finish work? How have you been managing so far?

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 03/12/2021 09:32

My DC similar ages are asleep by 8pm. This would be far too much for them. Is there an option with earlier pick up like 7pm? Even then it would be straight home and into bed. It seems very disruptive. If affordable a nanny looking after them in the family home after school would be my preference for evening child care.

Goldenbear · 03/12/2021 09:49

Wow! Why bother having children, seriously 7 and 10? I have a 10 year old and I can't begin to imagine that scenario, I actually adore my dc though so cherish every minute I have with them. I am aware that my 14 year old needs me as much as he did as a toddler - obviously in a different way but I can't even imagine outsourcing that emotional care to an institution- bizarre!

Goldenbear · 03/12/2021 09:52

'Knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing' comes to mind when I think of my son's peers in this scenario!

ThePoisonousMushroom · 03/12/2021 10:00

@Goldenbear

Wow! Why bother having children, seriously 7 and 10? I have a 10 year old and I can't begin to imagine that scenario, I actually adore my dc though so cherish every minute I have with them. I am aware that my 14 year old needs me as much as he did as a toddler - obviously in a different way but I can't even imagine outsourcing that emotional care to an institution- bizarre!
The OP having to work until 6pm and looking at the childcare options doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her children 🙄.
Goldenbear · 03/12/2021 10:09

I didn't say the OP didn't love the children. They asked about this childcare proposition and I would argue it is a crap idea. If both parents aren't available it does seem like it is being outsourced to an unforgiving point. It is not about work, I work but I can't imagine this - it seems cold and uncaring.

Nextstationpaddington · 03/12/2021 10:36

I don't understand why you are getting a hard time. You are looking for the best options for your kids where they will be fed and kept safe. It's better to do full time 5 days boarding and home over the weekend than what you are proposing as kids need to have a solid routine and sleep at a decent time.

Better than that, get a nanny who will cost you less than boarding and provide more homely care for them in their own environment.

For what it's worth, my husband and I both took a career dive to be able to look after our children. We have 3 and between us we manage all care but it did take a massive pay cut to be able to do that. I understand not everyone can do that as some jobs it isn't possible to cut down on hours.

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 10:48

Flexi boarding is wrong. Why not do after school clubs or breakfast clubs instead?
Tbh and it's just my personal opinion, why have kids if you have to force such arrangements upon them!? Until they're at least 16 they need their parents so much. For homework (I LOVE doing hwk together with mine most evenings), emotional needs, asking questions, eating together at meal times. I know it's not often possible but you just have to make sacrifices or take a pay but as a pp said.

Babyiskickingmyribs · 03/12/2021 10:48

Sorry, what exactly is the difference between day boarding that finishes at say 6:30pm and an ordinary school with an afterschool club that finishes at 6:30pm. I don’t think the OPs 8pm, 9pm finish time is realistic but if you’re going to tell women that they should not have had kids if they weren’t planning on being available for a 3pm pickup every day that you’re basically saying women shouldn’t have full time jobs (or either mum or dad need to work extremely part time, but in the real world this mostly affects mothers because sexism and patriarchy). In other countries afterschool care is available systematically in state school until 6pm ish from age 3.

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 10:49

Pay cut I meant

Goldenbear · 03/12/2021 10:55

But the opening up asked about the 8-9 option and there is IMO quite a bit wrong with that. Who is talking about collecting at 3. Why assume anything about women never ever working. Everybody I know balances the parental responsibilities with their husband/partner. In fact I am the only one that occasionally collects at hometime that is a Mum, the rest in DD'S friendship group are Dads. My youngest does go to clubs run by the school after school because she wants to go. We had dc and knew we wouldn't be able to outsource the parental role until 8/9 Hmm why would we want to!!

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 10:56

My neighbours son goes to a flexi boarding state and they get dropped from 7:30 and stay until the boarders go to bed. So some of the pps who said they don't stay that late are incorrect it seems.

Kanaloa · 03/12/2021 11:10

@CovidFreeChristmas

Right, so I wasn’t saying that flexi boarding is unreasonable. I was answering that the situation op specifically wanted wasn’t workable. So in her op that’s what she said would be happening, I was answering to that.

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 11:16

@kanaloa but it seems (in this particular set up) they do stay until full time boarders go to bed.

Redbkyedotpot · 03/12/2021 11:17

Plus in this particular state they even have to go on Saturday mornings too. It's compulsory.

childcarequery · 03/12/2021 11:19

@Northstar1234

My children go to private school and their school day is 8 - 6 most days. They aren’t studying for this time they are having a fabulous time with their friends and doing lots of amazing clubs that I never would have had the opportunity to do as a kid. They can stay later and have supper with friends if they want. The old idea of boarding school being cruel is out of date. My children regularly beg me to board (yes they have a very happy home life with lots of love) but at school they have friends which is always so much more fun. Our school is warm, full of cuddles, kindness and opportunity. If you need childcare for work how is a childminder/ after sch club any better?
Sounds amazing for us, I would love to know which school or location is this?
TheTrinity · 03/12/2021 11:21

@Aquamarinestar

Are there any state boarding schools?
There are many secondary state boarding schools dotted across the UK, just do a search. I believe the day boarding is only offered from age 11 onwards which is secondary school age after primary in UK. From personal experience I think 7 and 10 is a bit too young for such a long school day even though activities are included so they have maximum benefits potentially (if that's what you want for your children). The parents I know who have done it worked long shift hours and their only child was a bit older at 11 at the time so it gave their child the benefit of being with other children as well as activities.
childcarequery · 03/12/2021 11:22

@Aquamarinestar

My friend suggested I put my kids into a part boarding school (it's like a boarding school but they finish at 8-9 pm] and just go home to sleep. What are your views on this? Is it just as "cruel" as boarding school?
Just to say Thanks for asking this question OP. I am looking for other options as well and never heard of this. Do update us how you progress!
AnotherNewt · 03/12/2021 13:08

Sounds amazing for us, I would love to know which school or location is this?

Could be any of many. It's routine for day boarding pupils to be welcome in all the schools clubs and activities

9pm finish is more typical of secondaries - I'd be surprised if it was much after 6-7pm for preps.

And it's not really different from using before/after school clubs

DoubleTweenQueen · 03/12/2021 15:11

Our prep did 8-6, with tea, homework club and clubs/activities in the 3:30-6pm slot. I think most do.

CovidFreeChristmas · 03/12/2021 17:12

@Redbkyedotpot

My neighbours son goes to a flexi boarding state and they get dropped from 7:30 and stay until the boarders go to bed. So some of the pps who said they don't stay that late are incorrect it seems.
Which flexi boarding state is that?

What year group and what time?

No, and I really mean no, not a single one, boarding school will let flexis stay until bedtime, because boarding has to have strict routines to function. Bed times are really strict (although some might be more lax on lights off). There will be at least a short time span between flexi final pick up and boarders bed time.

You are interpreting your own information from what, seeing your neighbour return home from picking up her son? They probably stopped at the shops. And determined your own 'facts' yet ignore the many parents who have responded who actually do this school run daily?