Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

To think their name choice is ‘off’
357

Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 14:54

I feel pretty miffed about something and can’t work out whether I’m being unreasonable or not - please give it to me straight!

SIL (my brother’s wife) was pregnant at the same time as me. I was six weeks ahead with our third baby (already have two boys and knew I was expecting a girl this time around) She was pregnant with their second (they chose to find out sex at birth)

Let’s say we chose Molly. Six weeks later they announced the arrival of their daughter and her name was Polly. Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’

For context, I don’t live in the same country as my brother. COVID aside, we normally see each other a few times a year and we are a small family - he is my only sibling. His eldest child is also a boy so the two recent babies are the only girls (and it’s likely to stay that way, don’t think either of us will have any more)

Is it just me or is it fucking weird that in our small family, we now have two girls, just six weeks apart with incredibly similar names? I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

Obviously I can never say anything to my brother but AIBU to be quietly quite pissed off about this? Polly has no significance for them beyond thinking it’s a nice name - I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

WakeUpLockie · 29/11/2021 16:02

Also that same SIL and BIL gave their other kid the exact same name as my other one, only one syllable different across first, middle and last. I didn't notice for about a year!

Please
or
to access all these features

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 29/11/2021 16:02

They are two different names (although they rhyme) so I'm not sure why your mum is getting confused. Is she trying to highlight a point/make a big deal out of it? There is no logical reason why she'd be getting the names confused. Unless she's just genuinely forgetting who is calling their baby what, which would happen even with names such as...Emma and Charlotte.

Please
or
to access all these features

NewbieAlert · 29/11/2021 16:02

I can tell I’m in the minority but I can see your point because something similar happened to me. The closest example I can give you without using actual names:
I called my child May, having been born in that month and it also being the month I was born. My sibling then had a child and called them June, despite not being born in that month or having ever expressed any interest in that name or using a month of the year for their name.
Small family and we do live close so when we go out our children are May and June.
It’s years later now and it’s still bothers me to this day. I mean there are millions of other names!

Please
or
to access all these features

Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 16:05

@ElephantOfRisk

I'm sort of with you OP. If I'd been the 2nd person in this scenario i'd have been the one not wanting them to have matchy names and would have changed unless there was a significant reason for the name.

It would have just felt like I had no imagination or something. I mean I'd have probably had a conversation about it afterwards laughing about it. along the lines of "congrats on the new baby, lovely name. You won't believe it but we'd planned on Polly if ours is a girl! ha ha, any good name ideas then let us know."

Yes exactly that! When I’ve told close friends my new niece’s name, they’ve all looked a bit Confused and said ‘oh, that’s very similar to [DD’s name]’

As I said, if I had been in their shoes, I would have wanted to think of an alternative purely because I wouldn’t want anything similar for my own sake/my daughter’s sake!
OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

phonetica · 29/11/2021 16:05

Total non-issue. I’d think siblings called ‘Molly and Polly’ would be a bit much, but cousins? No big deal at all.

Please
or
to access all these features

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 29/11/2021 16:06

The names are similar that's it. Your Mum may have bought them the same clothes even if they didn't have similar names, they're born so close together and I think my Mum would buy two of the same thing as well.

Please
or
to access all these features

violetskiss · 29/11/2021 16:07

@MeltedButter

I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.

You are spiralling there.

Who's going to be comparing them because of similar names?

Have you got some other issues with SIL because this reaction doesn't seem relative to what's going on now.

Also, I doubt they’ll see each other very much! You don’t live in the same country and then when they’re adults I imagine they’ll live totally sperate lives like most cousins. I can’t imagine they’ll be close. Why would people compare them?
Please
or
to access all these features

Jenasaurus · 29/11/2021 16:08

A friend of mine wanted to call her DD Zoe but her sister had a DD called Chloe and thought the rhyming names would be confusing so chose Rachael instead

Please
or
to access all these features

me4real · 29/11/2021 16:10

YABU IMHO. It's kind of sweet.

Please
or
to access all these features

LittleMysSister · 29/11/2021 16:16

I understand why you feel like you do OP, of all the names in the world they've chosen one just like the one you'd already used just weeks before. I'd probably feel the same if my sister did this, I think most people would have been off using such a similar name so close afterwards. I get it.

HOWEVER, since you're not even in the same country and don't spend much time with them, I wouldn't think too much of it. And as you've said, it's only so noticeable at the moment because they are both babies and presumably look similar. As they grow and change the names will seem more individual.

I don't think there's much you can do about your mum buying them the same clothes though :) That's nans for you! And if she spots something she loves then I can see why she'd want them both to have it. Not like you're likely to run into them while they're both wearing it :)

Please
or
to access all these features

Talipesmum · 29/11/2021 16:17

Totally agree with @Swearwolf . I do think it is a bit daft for the second baby to have a name so close, but as you said, the other parents thought it would be actively a nice thing (‘cute’) - you, however, have this sense of loss of individuality which is being exacerbated by the family treating two similarly aged newborns in similar ways. But there’s plenty of time as they grow up for them to show everyone how different they are, and for the family to love them as separate individuals. My sister and I are 2 years apart but would often get the same presents in different colours for Xmas and birthdays. We rolled our eyes but it was fun, and everyone knows we are different people.

Please
or
to access all these features

ElephantOfRisk · 29/11/2021 16:17

There are a fair few twins in our family and even then people (including the DGrandparents) didn't buy them the same outfit - sometimes similar or sometimes the same thing in a different colour. Hopefully once they are no longer tiny babies your DM will stop buying them the same?

Please
or
to access all these features

Talipesmum · 29/11/2021 16:17

Which of you is in the same country as the grandparents?

Please
or
to access all these features

gabsdot · 29/11/2021 16:18

I have a niece and nephew who are almost the same age and who are called the male and female version of the same name. think Alan and Alana.
It's no biggie. I think YABU

Please
or
to access all these features

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 29/11/2021 16:20

Sorry OP, I think the only person being weird about this is you. They live in another country and you hardly see them, the girls are going to be virtual strangers to each other. My dd and her cousin have similar sounding names (like Hannah vs Anya). It never crossed my mind to make a different choice and has never been an issue. We actually do see them very frequently as well.

Please
or
to access all these features

AngelinaFibres · 29/11/2021 16:20

My husband is one of 5. The first 4 all have a first name that begins with the same letter. They all have the same middle name. Its their fathers family name. He had that middle name too. They all had the same surname until his eldest sister married. The first daughter and 3rd child ( a boy) have male and female versions of the same name. Think add 'line' to the end of hers and leave it off for
his. By the time my husband was born they couldnt think of another name they liked with that initial letter so they called him after his father. He has the family middle name too so his name is entirely and completely the same as his father's. SIL was the oldest and when she had her first child she named him the same as her youngest brother and gave him her father's family middle name. Imagine getting a letter in that house addressed just to X Y Smith or to R Y Smith. Which child is it for .Is it for the father or son. Yours is small fry compared to that .
Made myself laugh writing it down. When I first met him it made my head slightly spin

Please
or
to access all these features

JimCarreysMask · 29/11/2021 16:20

I think it’s a bigger issue just now because they’re just new. In the future they will be their own person with their own personality, looks, friends, quirks, hobbies. Then I think it will be different. And your mum will probably buy each according to the what each is like - at the minute if your mum sees a lovely girls outfit etc it’s not like it would be suited more to one or the other, they’re just babies! So YABU (but I’d probably have been a bit put out at the name, so I get you) but there’s nothing actually wrong with it.

Please
or
to access all these features

RobinPenguins · 29/11/2021 16:21

DD and her cousin the same age are always bought identical gifts by my parents because it’s just easier and prevents arguments.

Your DD and the other child don’t even live in the same country, they’re not going to get “a lifetime of comparison” any more than they would if one was called Dot and the other Artemesia.

My DSis has the exact same first name as one of our cousins. It’s never been considered particularly weird, I think people were less precious about names 30 years ago when she was born.

Please
or
to access all these features

Onatree · 29/11/2021 16:22

This does not matter. Not in the small scheme of things: i.e. your world and your universe with your family in it. And not in the grand scheme of things: i.e. the world right now.

Please
or
to access all these features

mam0918 · 29/11/2021 16:22

@NewbieAlert

I can tell I’m in the minority but I can see your point because something similar happened to me. The closest example I can give you without using actual names:
I called my child May, having been born in that month and it also being the month I was born. My sibling then had a child and called them June, despite not being born in that month or having ever expressed any interest in that name or using a month of the year for their name.
Small family and we do live close so when we go out our children are May and June.
It’s years later now and it’s still bothers me to this day. I mean there are millions of other names!

Since when on earth did we have to 'express interest' in the names we use?

Also, most people pay zero attention to what others like then act surprised.

I for laughs asked people to play a guessing game and guess what my youngest would be called... I got responses like:

'I think it will be Olly to keep the theme and complete the set' (no idea what theme or set they are talking about non of my kids have names even remotely like Olly - my other kids have rare names and Olly/Oliver ranks number 1)

'I KNOW it's going to be Reggie after your great-grandad' (never used honor names and hate the concept and Im pretty outspoken about it lol)

'I think Brogan because it's edgy and modern like you' (I despise harsh unisex names and my kids have very vintage 'dated' names)

+ other bizarre ones, these are the people that knew me best and clearly proved no one has a fucking clue lol.
Please
or
to access all these features

WhenSepEnds · 29/11/2021 16:23

@Isitweirdorisitjustme

I feel pretty miffed about something and can’t work out whether I’m being unreasonable or not - please give it to me straight!

SIL (my brother’s wife) was pregnant at the same time as me. I was six weeks ahead with our third baby (already have two boys and knew I was expecting a girl this time around) She was pregnant with their second (they chose to find out sex at birth)

Let’s say we chose Molly. Six weeks later they announced the arrival of their daughter and her name was Polly. Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’

For context, I don’t live in the same country as my brother. COVID aside, we normally see each other a few times a year and we are a small family - he is my only sibling. His eldest child is also a boy so the two recent babies are the only girls (and it’s likely to stay that way, don’t think either of us will have any more)

Is it just me or is it fucking weird that in our small family, we now have two girls, just six weeks apart with incredibly similar names? I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

Obviously I can never say anything to my brother but AIBU to be quietly quite pissed off about this? Polly has no significance for them beyond thinking it’s a nice name - I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’

I'm stunned so many people think this is not a big deal. I would be livid. That's going to be a talking point anytime their names are mentioned and it instantly conjures up images of matchy matchy dolls dressed identically you are being completely reasonable IMO.
Please
or
to access all these features

Lavender24 · 29/11/2021 16:24

I think it's fine.

Please
or
to access all these features

Wondergirl100 · 29/11/2021 16:26

OP in many cultures there are a lot fewer names - the country my husband is from there seem to only be a handful of male names. Really this is a total non issue - I would actually celebrate it - genuinely its a real gift in life to have a cousin the same age and totally cute that they have similar names.

I think you are sleep deprived or you wouldnt be worrying about this

Please
or
to access all these features

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/11/2021 16:26

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

They can obvious call their child what they want

It is a bit odd though as Molly and Polly are both old fashioned diminutives of Mary(albeit longer)

I didn't know that, and I suspect most other people wouldn't either.

OP, Yabu. You don't even live in the same country. They are both nice names.
Please
or
to access all these features

SelfHelpPlease · 29/11/2021 16:27

If your daughter is less than a year old, you can still legally change her name. Smile

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.