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To think their name choice is ‘off’
357

Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 14:54

I feel pretty miffed about something and can’t work out whether I’m being unreasonable or not - please give it to me straight!

SIL (my brother’s wife) was pregnant at the same time as me. I was six weeks ahead with our third baby (already have two boys and knew I was expecting a girl this time around) She was pregnant with their second (they chose to find out sex at birth)

Let’s say we chose Molly. Six weeks later they announced the arrival of their daughter and her name was Polly. Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’

For context, I don’t live in the same country as my brother. COVID aside, we normally see each other a few times a year and we are a small family - he is my only sibling. His eldest child is also a boy so the two recent babies are the only girls (and it’s likely to stay that way, don’t think either of us will have any more)

Is it just me or is it fucking weird that in our small family, we now have two girls, just six weeks apart with incredibly similar names? I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

Obviously I can never say anything to my brother but AIBU to be quietly quite pissed off about this? Polly has no significance for them beyond thinking it’s a nice name - I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

LovePoppy · 29/11/2021 16:28

Sorry OP
Your allowed to have your feelings, but the can name their child what they want

Sounds like your mother will just need to work harder at figuring out who has which kid

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Lanique · 29/11/2021 16:29

Nah, sorry op. I don't think this is an issue unless you choose to make it one.

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oakleaffy · 29/11/2021 16:31

Molly- Polly sounds like a kids TV programme.
No one owns a name.

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Patchyman1 · 29/11/2021 16:32

I was born 3 months before my Aunt and Uncle adopted my cousin and we both gave the same 1st name. We are both named after our great grandmother. My husband is 5 years older than his cousin and they both have the same 1st name. Surnames are different in both cases. It's never been an issue but it was for my sister who also wanted to be the same name when little as she felt left out!

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mathanxiety · 29/11/2021 16:32

I think YABU.

You live in different countries.

The issue with your mum buying identical outfits would probably happen even if the names were wildly different.

What would you do if a neighbour got a puppy or kitten and named it Molly?

How will you respond if your child goes to school and is the fifth Molly in her class?

Gets engaged to a guy with surname Jolly? Yes I know many women choose to keep their own name...

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diddl · 29/11/2021 16:34

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

They can obvious call their child what they want

It is a bit odd though as Molly and Polly are both old fashioned diminutives of Mary(albeit longer)

I don't think that Molly & Polly are the actual names!
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Bookworm20 · 29/11/2021 16:38

I get what you mean but you are being unreasonable, sorry. I think as the dc grow you'll realise what a non issue it really is. Especially as you live in different countries too.

On a side note, there is a couple in Belgium with 11 children and they all have names using only the same 4 letters. now THAT is a head wreck!

A couple in Belgium has become famous for giving their 11 children first names based on different variations of just four letters from the alphabet – A, E, L, and X.

Even though the Belgian couple’s children are named Alex, Axel, Xela, Lexa, Xael, Xeal, Exla, Leax, Xale, Elax and Alxe, the two parents claim that getting their names right is not that hard. It’s a different story for the teachers, though, especially with five of their children studying at the same school.

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mathanxiety · 29/11/2021 16:40

It seems to me that your mum is making you feel your baby girl is less special by buying identical gifts and mixing up the names.

This is a gran problem, not a BIL and SIL problem.

If it makes you feel better, my mum called all of my DCs by the name of her cat until they were about a year old, by accident...

But back to the idea of specialness - don't treat the baby girl as if she's any more special than her brothers are. Yes, it's nice to have a girl, yes it's nice to have a girl with two older brothers, but the specialness will cause problems.

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Cryalot2 · 29/11/2021 16:43

Congratulations on your dear daughter and may you enjoy her.

I am a bad mum . I called my son the same name as his cousin. They have different surnames and not the same age nor did they live near each other. Not a big family but yet they rarely met.
Dh and his cousin have same name and surname. ( no idea who id older). They never lived near each other either.

Enjoy the name and hope your dd does as well.

Ds an adult has no children but would call his dc same name . I must have got something right calling him that.

Your mum having to gd similar age and buying both same outfits can be a bit annoying .
But as long as all are healthy and well ,thats the main thing

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FrownedUpon · 29/11/2021 16:45

YABU. It has absolutely nothing to do with you what they call their baby. What a waste of energy stressing about this.

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thedefinitionofmadness · 29/11/2021 16:48

YABU, wildly. If they lived next door, maybe.

Your mum buying them identical things, though efficient for her would irritate. So long as it doesn't continue into their teens, though am sure no-one will sustain longterm damage.

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AngelinaFibres · 29/11/2021 16:49

I gave my youngest son the same name as one of my parent's cats. It's a beautiful name that is more a boys name than a cats name . I didn't think it was odd , it was the perfect name for my little boy. The cat has now been dead for twenty years but lived until my son was 8.

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MrsAvocet · 29/11/2021 16:51

@ElephantOfRisk

There are a fair few twins in our family and even then people (including the DGrandparents) didn't buy them the same outfit - sometimes similar or sometimes the same thing in a different colour. Hopefully once they are no longer tiny babies your DM will stop buying them the same?

But that's different isn't it? As I understand it there are sound psychological and practical reasons for not dressing twins exactly the same but this is teo childten who don't even live in the same country. It's not as if they are going to be turning up at the same places dressed in the same outfit on a regular basis. Assuning the OP's mother buys from mainstream shops, there must be thousands of children with the same outfit and the fact that two of them happen to also share some DNA isn't really a big deal.
The grandmother may be deliberately trying to treat these two little girls the same, especially if she is physically closer to one than the other. How often do we read threads on here where someone is complaining that their children's grandparents favour another grandchild over their's?
Yes, as they get older they will develop their own tastes but right now it's probably a lot easier for grandma to buy 2 of the same than to worry about treating them fairly.
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Lostmyheart101 · 29/11/2021 16:52

I think you have lots of hormones running through your body.

This annoyance will pass and then you will see it doesn’t matter as much as you think it does now.

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Keepitonthedownlow · 29/11/2021 16:53

Is it Hannah and Anna? Elsa and Elsie? I'm weirdly invested.

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Mermaidwaves · 29/11/2021 16:54

One of my DD's has a cousin with practically the same name, they were born two months apart. We chose our DD's name as she was born first without realising SIL liked that name too so she stuck an 'M' on her DDs name to make them a bit different.

It's never caused any issues.

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itsallgoingpearshaped · 29/11/2021 17:01

For all you know, when you had your baby and announced 'Molly' as her name, she went, 'Oh hell, that's the name we were going house. I'll pick something else I like so as not to upset them. Oooh, Polly is similar, but different, and we love that, too.'

YABU

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Einszwei · 29/11/2021 17:01

YABU ... you don't own a name. I do a lot of genealogy - it was really common in the past for cousins to have exactly the same names (first and last names). Some names are popular at certain times.

Look at the positives....you know your SIL doesn't secretly hate your child name.

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Chakraleaf · 29/11/2021 17:02

We have an Amelia and Emelia cousins
Plus a Louis and a Louise.

Doesn't really matter in scheme of things

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Jacketpotato84 · 29/11/2021 17:02

I too think it's cute. I would think that it's a nice sentiment as presumably they are going to grow up together like oh look at them so sweet, it's Molly and polly they love playing with them dolls together or trains whatever. I would see it as they love their family so much they want similar names as a significance and they are not doing it to spite you in anyway and when it comes down to it they could have called their child whatever they want to ♡
Enjoy your daughter and your niece so many happy years ahead of you xx

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clpsmum · 29/11/2021 17:04

You're not even in the same country! And it's a different name

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grapewine · 29/11/2021 17:05

They don't even live in the same country and see each other pretty rarely. Don't see the issue. YABU.

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Gliderx · 29/11/2021 17:09

YABU. This is a non-issue.

It's nice that your DC has a cousin of a similar age.

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AliceAldridge · 29/11/2021 17:16

I come from a small family and would also find it massively odd if my sibling had called their child, born in the same year, an almost identical name to my child.

I'd never tell them and I theoretically believe that people should call their children what they want. But I would think it was odd and be a bit miffed for a few days weeks

However, for context, I have a daughter and niece the same age and while there has been the odd grandmother comaprison niggle along the way, it has been so lovely watching them play up together during holidays and they are now the best of friends despite living a distance away.

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Sboncen · 29/11/2021 17:16

Get your own back by changing your DD's name to Polly

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