To think their name choice is ‘off’
Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 14:54
I feel pretty miffed about something and can’t work out whether I’m being unreasonable or not - please give it to me straight!
SIL (my brother’s wife) was pregnant at the same time as me. I was six weeks ahead with our third baby (already have two boys and knew I was expecting a girl this time around) She was pregnant with their second (they chose to find out sex at birth)
Let’s say we chose Molly. Six weeks later they announced the arrival of their daughter and her name was Polly. Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’
For context, I don’t live in the same country as my brother. COVID aside, we normally see each other a few times a year and we are a small family - he is my only sibling. His eldest child is also a boy so the two recent babies are the only girls (and it’s likely to stay that way, don’t think either of us will have any more)
Is it just me or is it fucking weird that in our small family, we now have two girls, just six weeks apart with incredibly similar names? I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.
My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?
Obviously I can never say anything to my brother but AIBU to be quietly quite pissed off about this? Polly has no significance for them beyond thinking it’s a nice name - I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Alicemtaylor2000 · 01/12/2021 03:45
I have two cousins called Tim and Tom who are brothers and look alike - it’s a constant source of amusement in our family about which is which ! A name is just a name - there are worse things that happen in families that cause arguments and breakdowns- please don’t let something so petty create a problem x
Horriblewoman · 01/12/2021 04:18
My cousin and I have one letter different in our names and it causes literally no issues at all.
Such a none problem, I don't think you should give it any more brain space.
NollaigNollaig · 01/12/2021 07:37
Everyone who is saying it’s a compliment. You’re assuming the SIl picked her name to match OP. It’s a far more likely scenario that both picked similar names Op child was just born first. And because of that Op thinks they should’ve given up their name choice and come up with something different just so OP child could keep her ‘unique’ (not unique) sounding name to herself.
AnFiadhRua · 01/12/2021 07:45
BROTHERS Tim and Tom
Trying not to judge and not succeeding
WeAreTheHeroes · 01/12/2021 07:48
Haven't RTFT but the issue is your mother mixing them up and buying the exact same things for both of them. A lot of people are far more sensitive to treating children as separate people and not doing this kind of thing.
Iziz · 01/12/2021 07:54
It happened in my family to this day I confuse the two girls it’s hard on that front but the two names have totally different meanings and you can not tell people what to call their kid it’s like a wedding dress if it sticks up you love it and literarily can’t change it coz you love it so much , you will get used to it with time .
AliceAldridge · 01/12/2021 08:13
your mother mixing them up and buying the exact same things for both of them
I have four nieces and have bought them the same thing for Christmas. I absolutely see them all as individuals but one SIL is funny about about presents and favouritism. I saw something they'd all like. Job done. The DM is not the insensitive one here, IMO.
MdNdD · 01/12/2021 08:32
Sorry, I think you are reasonable to be mildly irritated by it at most. I just think that stuff like this seems so important at the time, but when you look back in time it just won’t. It might even grow on you.
Who knows, maybe that was his wife’s favourite name and she dreamed of using it for a girl. Maybe she was annoyed that you called your baby a name so similar to the one she loved.
Would you have changed your choice had her baby been born first?
Sorry, but I think you are being a little unreasonable.
MdNdD · 01/12/2021 08:34
Also, I think your mother would probably buy the same regardless of their name.
And if it was my mum, she’d get them mixed up too!
To be fair, I get that having a cutesy situation that you didn’t ask for, thrust upon you, is going to irritate.
pteradactyl · 01/12/2021 09:53
Nothing to do with the names but I can see you might be concerned the girls will be compared. I think it is natural some comparisons will be drawn as they're similar ages. My nephew is a few months older than my daughter and I was worried about this if I'm honest. And I won't lie - comparisons were made, especially when they were small. They're now in their teens and no comparisons have been made for absolutely years now.
As for the name thing, I think it would annoy me a bit too but it isn't the end of the world, especially as they live so far apart.
caringcarer · 01/12/2021 10:26
As they live in a different country it should not be a probably. You are probably more pissed off by your Mum buying may Hong clothes for them, almost like they are twins. Just tell your Mum you don't like that.
Pinkfluff76 · 01/12/2021 10:39
That’s bat shit and annoying of them!
Congrats though 🥳
steponthetightrope · 01/12/2021 10:42
Yeah, I'd be annoyed but wouldn't say anything and quietly seethe forever. Ugh.
Rose789 · 01/12/2021 11:11
I don’t think you are being unreasonable.
We have an Ava and an Eva in the family very close in age and the entire family still get their names mixed up and they are both 5 now.
Yeah they are different names and the good old MN classic of no one owns a name but it’s a PITA when they spend so much time together and have the same extended family.
mam0918 · 01/12/2021 12:01
And most of us have a finite amount of children why go for a second rate name you don't love so someone who doesn't matter at all when it comes to your child can feel 'unique'.
My child has the same name as a cousin, I didn't actually know the cousin even existed (my cousin who lives 300 miles away who I haven't seen since I was 12 had a dozen kids, I stopped counting at the 3rd) and never have and likely never will meet him but even if I did have that knowledge prior my kid would STILL have the same name.
That same kid also has a cousin with a variant of his name (Think William and Liam) on DH side which we did know about and we didn't care about that either, in 14 years I have never met that kid despite IL mentioning them regularly (I assume they must live far away too).
My kids' names were pricked 8 years, 25 years and 20 years before they were born respectively and were names me and my husband equally loved (it's hard finding names two people equally LOVE).
Why the hell should I pick something different because my cousin (who lives hundreds of miles away who is basically no part of my life just shares blood) was lucky enough to look at a cock and fall instantly pregnant while I had to go through a decade+ of infertility and IVF?
We went through more than enough loss and struggle, I'm not giving up anything else and the only people who got a say or mattered when naming my kids were me and DH.
Gilly12345 · 01/12/2021 13:08
I do think this Molly/Polly issue odd, it seems they liked the name and decided to stick with it than choose another.
There is nothing you can do about it and probably a good thing you live in a different country to them and can keep them at arms reach.
NollaigNollaig · 01/12/2021 13:52
@Gilly12345 why would op keep them at arms length? Because they gave their child the name they chose and didn’t change it just because op happened to give birth a few weeks earlier?
mamaknowsnothing · 01/12/2021 13:57
@Isitweirdorisitjustme I have similar. It annoyed me at first but as the dc got older it bothers me less.
Pinkbuttons08 · 01/12/2021 17:44
But they don't live near each other so of course you wouldn't care? In my situation the children live a mile apart and they're the same age and will grow up together. Also the name they picked meant nothing to them my their own admission, they almost called her something else entirely different and changed their mind last minute.
Ozanj · 01/12/2021 17:47
The problem isn’t the name it’s your Mum who has decided that because they’re girls they don’t get to be individuals in their own right. You need to tell her to stop getting them the same things.
Spottybluepyjamas · 01/12/2021 17:48
I don't think it really matters - it's not even the same name, and you don't live anywhere near them! If anything it's quite sweet. Definitely not anything to be annoyed about!
Cuddlemuffin · 01/12/2021 18:07
I think there is something else going on here. The name thing and the clothes are not really a big deal IMO especially seeing as you don't even live in the same country. You seem to be worried about them being compared....is this typical for girls in your family? Were you compared to a cousin or female sibling? I understand where you're coming from but it seems to have triggered something for you. Maybe think about what the deep root cause of these feelings are.
Fleshmechanic · 01/12/2021 18:11
I would be annoyed if we weren't close, yeah.
ChampagneLassie · 01/12/2021 18:17
My partner has a very large family and there are heaps of cousins. Our planned S name was one of his brothers and our D middle name one of the cousins has same middle name. Never occurred to me anyone would find this anything but flattering.
IDontThinkSoNo · 01/12/2021 18:26
But they live in different countries, I don’t think the grandma buying them the same dress will stop them having their own identities. They won’t be seen together in the dresses
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