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To think their name choice is ‘off’
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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 14:54

I feel pretty miffed about something and can’t work out whether I’m being unreasonable or not - please give it to me straight!

SIL (my brother’s wife) was pregnant at the same time as me. I was six weeks ahead with our third baby (already have two boys and knew I was expecting a girl this time around) She was pregnant with their second (they chose to find out sex at birth)

Let’s say we chose Molly. Six weeks later they announced the arrival of their daughter and her name was Polly. Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’

For context, I don’t live in the same country as my brother. COVID aside, we normally see each other a few times a year and we are a small family - he is my only sibling. His eldest child is also a boy so the two recent babies are the only girls (and it’s likely to stay that way, don’t think either of us will have any more)

Is it just me or is it fucking weird that in our small family, we now have two girls, just six weeks apart with incredibly similar names? I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

Obviously I can never say anything to my brother but AIBU to be quietly quite pissed off about this? Polly has no significance for them beyond thinking it’s a nice name - I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Pontypandytaxpayer · 29/11/2021 15:05

I'm struggling to see the problem here but then I come from a family where the same names are used over and over.

I have a Michael, Micky and Mick, in my immediate family.

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Marimaur · 29/11/2021 15:06

It’s not really odd at all.

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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:07

@Simonjt

You think Polly being called Katie for example would prevent family buying her the same gifts as Molly?!

No, not at all. But as I said, I think the identical gifts is only fuelling my irritation at the similarity in names!
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twoshedsjackson · 29/11/2021 15:07

I have two male cousins with the same name, one on each side of the family, and mine is the feminine form. If the name is abbreviated we end up with three cousins with the same name! Never gave any of us any form of identity crisis (and we all live in the same country). As they grow and develop, and become their own people, you'll find it was an unneccesary worry.

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Gatredge · 29/11/2021 15:08

I called my daughter the exact same name as my brother's step daughter. I checked with her mum and she was flattered. I also have 3 Emilys in my family!

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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:08

@Aquamarine1029

I fail to see what the issue is. You're making up a problem when there isn't one. Your mother getting confused is a whole other concern.

Huh? I explicitly said I wouldn’t say anything to my brother about it, so most definitely not ‘making a problem’
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Odile13 · 29/11/2021 15:08

I do think YABU in this scenario. They must have really liked the name and not wanted to change it just because it rhymes. As time goes by you’ll get used to it.

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CrushedPistachios · 29/11/2021 15:08

Do you think everything revolves around you?

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Sceptre86 · 29/11/2021 15:09

My name rhymes with my cousins. My nan chose it. I'm not sure if my auntie minded or not. It isn't something I would do. I have a baby exactly 28 days older than my sil's dd. Mil has started buying two of the same thing for them, in her mind it is so she is not showing any favouritism. It is annoying but there isn't anything you can do so let it go. If I was you I would come up with a cute nickname for your niece and call her by that.

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Notonthestairs · 29/11/2021 15:09

You must recognise from MN alone how difficult some people find it to choose a name - so once somebody has found a name they both like why would they change it simply because it's similar?

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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:09

@Gatredge

YABU, total non issue. Congratulations on your daughter and niece - how lovely for your children to have cousins so close in age. You are all very lucky.

Thank you ❤️
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Alltheblue · 29/11/2021 15:09

I do think you're being unreasonable.

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TheSandgroper · 29/11/2021 15:09

Well, my grandfather and his two sisters had 11 daughters between them. They included 2 x Anne, 2 x Margaret, 2 x Mary, 2 x Catherine. And each family had one daughter named something else. Not a huge amount of variety there.

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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:10

@Odile13

I do think YABU in this scenario. They must have really liked the name and not wanted to change it just because it rhymes. As time goes by you’ll get used to it.

I think you’re right, both babies are very new so it feels quite fresh but I am sure I will look back on this in the future and laugh about how wound up I was about it!
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Swearwolf · 29/11/2021 15:10

This is about more than the names. They're both girls, born close together, and you're worried they won't be treated as individuals.

My oldest and my SIL's oldest are the same age and both boys, and I worried exactly the same. Their shared grandmother does indeed sometimes buy them matching stuff. But they love that! They are very different children and the comparisons dwindled very quickly. Plus, their shared grandparents are not the only family they have, both have a whole other set of grandparents who have nobody to compare them with in this way.

Overlook the names and try not to worry about her being overshadowed. She will be her own person and it won't be an issue. And your mum will stop mixing them up once there is a face to connect the name to (or not - my grandmother always called me by my cousin's name, and she's 15 years older than me! We do look similar though). It'll be fine!

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OakPine · 29/11/2021 15:11

I think it is very understandable that you are annoyed/upset by this.

However, remember that once grown up, very few people are actually close to cousins, especially those in other countries.

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Mrsjayy · 29/11/2021 15:11

This happened to somebody I know the cousins have almost identical names I still think it's a bit weird 20+ years later the mother of the youngest also thought it was cute. Nothing you can do op just let it wash over you !

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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:11

@Swearwolf

This is about more than the names. They're both girls, born close together, and you're worried they won't be treated as individuals.

My oldest and my SIL's oldest are the same age and both boys, and I worried exactly the same. Their shared grandmother does indeed sometimes buy them matching stuff. But they love that! They are very different children and the comparisons dwindled very quickly. Plus, their shared grandparents are not the only family they have, both have a whole other set of grandparents who have nobody to compare them with in this way.

Overlook the names and try not to worry about her being overshadowed. She will be her own person and it won't be an issue. And your mum will stop mixing them up once there is a face to connect the name to (or not - my grandmother always called me by my cousin's name, and she's 15 years older than me! We do look similar though). It'll be fine!

Yes! Thank you - you’ve hit the nail on the head and (nicely) knocked some sense into me Smile
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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:12

@CrushedPistachios

Do you think everything revolves around you?

No. Do you? Should I?
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MrsAvocet · 29/11/2021 15:12

I wouldn't get worked up about this. If they lived nearby and were going to be going to the same school etc it might be a bit annoying, but they are not likely to be together that much are they? So for the vast majority of the year it won't be an issue, and most people outside of your immediate family won't even know your DD has a cousin with a similar name.
Your Mum buying them the same gifts is almost inevitable regardless of their names but it will most likely stop as they get older and start to have their own individual preferences and interests. My DD has a cousin who is exactly one week older than her, and when they were little my MIL did compare them a lot and would go on about them being practically twins who would grow up as best friends. Given they live hundreds of miles apart, saw each other once or twice a year growing up and have totally different interests, that, unsurprisingly, didn't turn out to be the case and I don't think anyone directly compares them nowadays. I used to just refuse to engage when it was happening anyway. When I got emails wanting to know DD's school results etc I just didn't reply, whether they were better or worse than her cousin's. It soon died out.

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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:14

Thank you to those who has been kind yet made me realise that IABU! I will focus on the fact that I have a lovely daughter and a lovely niece and the names are irrelevant!

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EinsteinaGogo · 29/11/2021 15:16

@Swearwolf

This is about more than the names. They're both girls, born close together, and you're worried they won't be treated as individuals.

My oldest and my SIL's oldest are the same age and both boys, and I worried exactly the same. Their shared grandmother does indeed sometimes buy them matching stuff. But they love that! They are very different children and the comparisons dwindled very quickly. Plus, their shared grandparents are not the only family they have, both have a whole other set of grandparents who have nobody to compare them with in this way.

Overlook the names and try not to worry about her being overshadowed. She will be her own person and it won't be an issue. And your mum will stop mixing them up once there is a face to connect the name to (or not - my grandmother always called me by my cousin's name, and she's 15 years older than me! We do look similar though). It'll be fine!



Definitely this, OP.


You're future-fretting on your new baby's behalf. It's your mothering instinct.

Having a new baby makes every sense and anxiety heightened.

You're allowed to be irrational on here - and thank god, or Mumsnet would be empty 😂😂😂💕💕💕
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galacticpixels · 29/11/2021 15:17

I don't think this is an issue. On one side of my family there are cousins with identical, not just similar, names (we have two named Alex and two named Rachel). I also have a cousin with the male version of my name. I've never heard anyone express anything negative about the situation.

One of my favourite girls names is the name of my cousin's daughter. I'm still going to consider using it if I ever have a daughter. They would rarely see each other.

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LadyEloise1 · 29/11/2021 15:19

I totally agree with @Gatredge
YABU
Congratulations on your dd and how lovely that the 2 cousins are a similar age.
Because they live in different countries there won't be as much "competition" re academic/ life achievements.
As they grow and develop personalities your Mum won't get as confused.

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luckylavender · 29/11/2021 15:21

I see no issue with this really

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