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To think their name choice is ‘off’
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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 14:54

I feel pretty miffed about something and can’t work out whether I’m being unreasonable or not - please give it to me straight!

SIL (my brother’s wife) was pregnant at the same time as me. I was six weeks ahead with our third baby (already have two boys and knew I was expecting a girl this time around) She was pregnant with their second (they chose to find out sex at birth)

Let’s say we chose Molly. Six weeks later they announced the arrival of their daughter and her name was Polly. Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’

For context, I don’t live in the same country as my brother. COVID aside, we normally see each other a few times a year and we are a small family - he is my only sibling. His eldest child is also a boy so the two recent babies are the only girls (and it’s likely to stay that way, don’t think either of us will have any more)

Is it just me or is it fucking weird that in our small family, we now have two girls, just six weeks apart with incredibly similar names? I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

Obviously I can never say anything to my brother but AIBU to be quietly quite pissed off about this? Polly has no significance for them beyond thinking it’s a nice name - I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Blackberrybunnet · 29/11/2021 15:42

There is a similar thing going on in our family with the name, and nobody is the least bit bothered, so yes, I think YABU.

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mam0918 · 29/11/2021 15:43

We have 2 James in our family less than 6 weeks apart, one goes by James and one by Jimmy.

We also have cousins (different but related parents) called Jacob and Jack (although 10 years apart) and a set of cousins who are siblings called David and Devina and I have 2 great aunts called Catherine and Kathleen... it causes no issues.

When going through the family tree I found siblings with the same shared name in several generations. Example: 2 sisters called Mary-Ann and one Mary-Eve etc... plus tonnes of juniors like John James and John William and John Patrick in the same nuclear family etc... (that's why so many of us go by middle name even though many of us have non shared names now).

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SpinachIsAGatewayDrug · 29/11/2021 15:44

All babies are similar. At this age, they will be easy to confuse because they will more or less have the same looks (small Grin) and personality (dependent Grin) - because all babies do.

By the time they are 10 years old and Polly loves motorbikes and getting her knees muddy and Molly loves science and blowing things up, everyone will remember who is who and the two will not seem as similar at all.

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Campfirewood · 29/11/2021 15:45

I don't see the issue.
I never see the issue with "my sister is using my wedding venue!" "my brother has a child with a similar name!"
I just can't get wound up about this stuff. It's a shame you are feeling sad, but try and put it behind you, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter does it?

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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:47

@GetTheFlockOutOfHere

YABU. I couldn't bring myself to care tbh. Also, as has been said on here MANY TIMES, never NEVER tell people what you intend to call your baby!

WHY do people do this, and then cry off and whinge that someone has copied their baby name?

My baby was born. It would have been a bit weird if I didn’t tell anyone her name Grin
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TravellingSpoon · 29/11/2021 15:47

Myself and my closest in age cousin have rhyming names (both Pallindromes too).

Noone has ever compares us just because of our names. We look similar and we are very similar people, but our similar names have never been an issue.

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Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 15:49

@Freddiefox

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

It’s not really your brother and sil fault that your mum get the names mixed up. Why don’t you ask her not to buy identical gifts.

I dunno, that feels a bit petty and mean and I think she’s just excited to suddenly have two grand daughters after three grandsons. I would definitely make a gentle comment if it continued as they got older though but as plenty of other sensible people have rightly said, as they start to develop their own personalities I’m sure it wouldn’t happen.
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GetTheFlockOutOfHere · 29/11/2021 15:49

@Isitweirdorisitjustme Ooops, sorry, my mistake! Blush

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AngelinaFibres · 29/11/2021 15:49

@SickAndTiredAgain

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

The outfit thing would probably have happened regardless of name.

And the name thing wouldn’t bother me at all.

My mum had 2 boys and then I had 2 boys. Soooo often when she is talking about something one of them has done she will go through all 4 names and then say " Oh you know which one " and then laugh. None of them care.They just adore her .
If I had 2 granddaughters born safely just six weeks apart I would smile so hard for so long my face would physically hurt. And I would buy the same sort of things for them both to wear and enjoy photos of them wearing them. Your mum will have quietly worried and hoped and prayed that both of you would come through your pregnancies safely and that both your babies would be okay. When your daughter is expecting a baby you will understand how stressful it was for your mum and how unbelievably wonderful it is that your small family has 2 precious additions. Cousins Molly and Polly. You are luckier than you know. Grab it all with both hands none of it is promised. Xxx
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LavenderAskew · 29/11/2021 15:51

My name is very similar to my cousins - just like Molly and Polly, Jim and Fin, Hannah and Anna or Marcus and Marc etc

It doesn't bother me, or her. My grandmother mixed us up too. But to be fair she mixed me up with all her grandchildren and could get through quite a few of thier (and sometimes the cats) names before she got to mine.

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TheGoogleMum · 29/11/2021 15:51

Sorry but I think YABU. If it was the same name I'd be annoyed but similar names is fine.

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Irishfarmer · 29/11/2021 15:52

My ex's father was one of 10, his father (ex's grandfather) was a twin who also had 10 ish kids. I think most of the kids have the same names, and same surnames!

With mixing up the names, I wouldn't think that's because they are similar sounding, I've often been called sisters/ cousins names who are nothing like mine.

Also as others have said the outfits are just because your mam likes them. It would be annoying in 10 years time if Polly is really into football and Molly loves art and they still get the same gift, but for now it is just cute baby clothes.

YABU, but I do kinda get it too. And you are being reasonable to vent it here and not say it to your brother which as you have pointed out yourself, as what would it accomplish!

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mam0918 · 29/11/2021 15:52

@GetTheFlockOutOfHere

YABU. I couldn't bring myself to care tbh. Also, as has been said on here MANY TIMES, never NEVER tell people what you intend to call your baby!

WHY do people do this, and then cry off and whinge that someone has copied their baby name?

Because people think if they say it they call 'dibs' so the other person cant use it.

But its ridiculous because to think you need dibs in the first place mean you fully understand they might have the exact same taste and they obviously arent going to give their child some second rate name because 'announcer' feels entitled to uniqueness.

No one steals a name to get one over on someone - my kid has the same 'rare' name as someone I know (by 'know' they a facebook friend of a facebook friend I have casually met like 5 times in 12 years and couldn't tell you anything about them) and they got offended that I 'stole' their name.

I couldn't care less as I had that name picked before they even existed in my life and their existence doesn't mean Im not going to use my favorite name that I loved for 20 years for MY child... but the fact they though my parenting choices had anything to do with them is HILARIOUS, how vain and egocentric can people be lol.
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Eightmagpies · 29/11/2021 15:53

I've seen this sort of thread on MN a few times and each time the OP gets flamed for being precious and that no one owns a name blah blah. In reality it is a bit strange and irritating but it's done now so let it wash over you.

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3scape · 29/11/2021 15:55

I lived next to children called Olly, Molly & Polly as siblings. That was weird. I think cousin's are fine.

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WakeUpLockie · 29/11/2021 15:59

Well I was due 2 days after my SIL, if they'd been the same sex they would have had rhyming names. Now I'm having another one and that name will still rhyme with first born. Don't think anyone cares TBH!

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blissfulllife · 29/11/2021 15:59

I get it op. My sil named her child the name our childs name is shortened too. Without outing myself think ash/Ashley. Totally up to her what she calls her child but it's pretty weird in my opinion and causes some confusion. So many times I've been asked why she did it 🤷‍♀️ . People assume it was spite but it wasn't,she's lovely but yeah it comes across as a strange thing to do.

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ElephantOfRisk · 29/11/2021 15:59

I'm sort of with you OP. If I'd been the 2nd person in this scenario i'd have been the one not wanting them to have matchy names and would have changed unless there was a significant reason for the name.

It would have just felt like I had no imagination or something. I mean I'd have probably had a conversation about it afterwards laughing about it. along the lines of "congrats on the new baby, lovely name. You won't believe it but we'd planned on Polly if ours is a girl! ha ha, any good name ideas then let us know."

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Gonnagetgoing · 29/11/2021 16:00

I can’t see it’s an issue personally but if you think it might be can’t you use a middle name (if you have one) that your daughter will be known by instead of the one similar to her cousin?

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MsTSwift · 29/11/2021 16:00

Well I think it’s bloody annoying and weird. There are so many names to choose from.

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BadNomad · 29/11/2021 16:01

It's not strange at all. This is a child you'll only see a few times a year so at most one child might mistakingly hear their name spoken. The identical gifts thing would happen regardless. And your mum saying the wrong name isn't because their similar. It's just because her two granddaughters are the same age. My mum used to get my brother's and her dog's names mixed up all the time. Grin

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moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 29/11/2021 16:01

My SiL called her DD a very similar name to my DD, one letter difference, 3 years apart (mine first). We did think it was a bit weird at the time but said nothing. It's caused no problems whatsoever so I'm really glad I didn't say anything Grin.
Congratulations on your lovely daughter Flowers

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Thefaceofboe · 29/11/2021 16:01

People will say on here you’re being unreasonable and they can call their child what they like, but it’s fucking weird if they knew you were going with Molly.

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Jackthementalkitten · 29/11/2021 16:02

I must admit, my cousin is Charlotte ( in her late 29’s now) my teenage daughter is Scarlett. I never thought about it, until half the family refer too my daughter as Charlotte. With hindsight, I’d of chosen a different name

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Jackthementalkitten · 29/11/2021 16:02

20’s

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