Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

just for my own curiosity Piglet, if, say a burglar got in your home, wouldn't they just unplug it from your PC and take it will them?! It would only really be useful for filming activity outside your home?

I do wish I was savvy enough to change the barrels or whatever for peanuts but just wanted to pay someone to get the job done quickly.

Even if you were able to change the cylinder you would have had to take it out, know how to measure the correct size, put it back in to lock your door and then gone out to buy a new one before coming back to replace the old one. The process is straight forward enough but cylinders do vary in size to accommodate different door depths and they have a front and back half which are not always the same measurement. It's done now and you will be able to sleep better knowing there is no way he can let himself in, money well spent.

I've got blink cameras, not sure if they're still the same but there wasn't a subscription when I bought them. I can connect to them wherever I am and talk to whoever is at my door(s).

I have got the clip length set to 30 seconds and they seem to be available on my phone for a month before they're erased.

He does sound rather stalkerish!! Sounds like you’ve done the right thing.

I suggest you vary your dog walking route and stick to busy places in case he “bumps into you” for a chat.

What a bonkers thread! I hope this was a valid mistake on the mans part as many posts are basically suggesting he is the equivalent of Ted Bundy.

@TextureWool

just for my own curiosity Piglet, if, say a burglar got in your home, wouldn't they just unplug it from your PC and take it will them?! It would only really be useful for filming activity outside your home?

yes, it isn't a burglar cam

but it would, for example, pick up someone who had stolen my keys and made copies, attempting to get in.

or someone interfering with the car

@IsAnybodyListening

What a bonkers thread! I hope this was a valid mistake on the mans part as many posts are basically suggesting he is the equivalent of Ted Bundy.

Yes you hope. You don't know.

So many many posters who don't understand what risk actually is and how to mitigate it.

This thread isn't bonkers at all. It is a description of what women have to worry about and mitigate against when dating men.

Well done, @

Well done, @Wilhelmine!!

You see, I get he might have picked up by mistake, but .............

Think it through. There must have been that moment, when he got home, that he let himself in. And not with your keys. With his. So if he'd got yours by mistake, he would have found that out when he tried to use them on his door.

Unless he's weirdly forgetful snd out your keys in his pocket then used his own as they were to hand. But still, that's unlikely.

I think he knew when he got home, at the latest.

And when you asked him, if his look the same, how did he know he'd got yours? Because he'd either found out the mistake the night before, or taken them on purpose.

He can't have thought you wouldn't miss them, though.

It's weird he didn't call snd tell you when he found out.

All strange. Great about your new locks!

He's already jealous if your exes. Omg.

Retreat. Withdraw. Be clear.

Hope you're ok. Sleep well! : )

Glad you feel better now it's sorted.

Sweet dreams

Wow lucky escape op 🍀

@Wilhelmine

Do I message him again? If he’s got the keys and can give them back sharpish I’ll know he can’t have had copies made. I really don’t want to have to call a locksmith out. I do however hear what you’re all saying and know he’s a dud.

You can't know for sure that he hasn't somehow copied them. You really do need to have the locks changed. Don't talk yourself out if it, please!

Read all this , glad you're ok OP. But - a question- didn't you say you know this guy through dog walking? So you have a dog? Wouldn't your dog go apeshit barking if this guy came into your house , especially if you were out at work?

Sorry hadn't seen all your updates when I wrote that.

Odd that he had the same keyring as you.... did he scrabble around to find the same one as you before he came over??! It all sounds soooooo fishy, doesn't it? Well done on taking definitive action!

@Wilhelmine

‘I do wish I was savvy enough to change the barrels or whatever for peanuts but just wanted to pay someone to get the job done quickly.’

You’ve learnt a lot today about this man, your judgement, locks and your gut feelings. And it only cost you £180, I see that (considering the seriousness of it all) as a complete bargain.

So glad locks all changed, reassurance is priceless!

@FOJN

I do wish I was savvy enough to change the barrels or whatever for peanuts but just wanted to pay someone to get the job done quickly.

Even if you were able to change the cylinder you would have had to take it out, know how to measure the correct size, put it back in to lock your door and then gone out to buy a new one before coming back to replace the old one. The process is straight forward enough but cylinders do vary in size to accommodate different door depths and they have a front and back half which are not always the same measurement. It's done now and you will be able to sleep better knowing there is no way he can let himself in, money well spent.

So just like I said then, it's a 2 minute job...

If he gets in touch again OP - and I think he may well do - it would be good if you had a clear “don’t want to take things further” response prepared. I think the self-pity/emotional blackmail (“I don’t know what I’ll do if this doesn’t work out”), the offer to buy a £500 table, the jealousy of exes, and mind games / criminal act of stealing your keys and not answering your worried calls - all within a month of dating - says keep away from this tosser in big neon lights. He is bad news on one of these issues alone. The stealing of your keys is especially deviant behaviour.

@Wilhelmine

Yes probably *@EssexLioness*. Anyway he’s gone now, job took 20 minutes! £180 well spent. Ouch 😣

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! You were absolutely ROBBED!

So glad this is sorted OP.

I definitely wouldn't see him again. You wouldn't have been so worried about him stealing your keys if everything was ok. There is obviously something about him that you don't trust. That's enough.

What if the "identical keys" were actually the set of keys he'd had cut? So they were actually identical.

OP, I know of a fraudster who uses the name and address of his dates to apply for credit. He runs up tens of thousands of debts in someone else's name.

The police know and don't care.

If he's been to your house and knows your name, I would consider keeping an eye on your credit report. Sounds unrelated to the key situation but the behaviour sounds similar, and the fact he can splash out £500 on you suggests something isn't right.

Also make sure you're still receiving post in case he redirects your mail.

Not to be hysterical, but if hysteria is ever brought back into the medical dictionary it will be this thread that started it.

Let’s get it straight. She just isn’t into him. Based on things He has said and done. And that is fair enough. So the OP should end it.
Her not being into him (and no harm coming to the OP at all despite all the things he has done to put her off) doesn’t make him Ted Bundy. It just makes him a guy who the OP doesn’t really like.

This is entirely different from saying that the OP is weary of him because of yellow flags.
Yellow flags aren't about dislikes. Yellow flags are about warnings. Warnings that the other person may be abusive, not that it's not right for whoever but right for someone else.

It's not a matter of "not being into him", but of "being worried about him".
If anyone thinks that distinction is splitting hairs, I despair.