Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

It's like Ted Bundy. He used to make women feel sorry for him by limping and asking for help - "can you help me put this heavy box in the back of my van". Many women ignored their gut instinct and did it anyway - we are conditioned not to question, to be helpful, and manipulative men know this. The lucky few who escaped Ted Bundy wished they had listened to their gut and not been polite but at least they escaped. Many others weren't so fortunate...

LOL at all these women who are so concerned that a man they've never met might be misjudged anonymously on the internet.

Because that's much more important to focus on than the potential loss of safety of the OP, right?

Fuxache have a look at yourselves. Who cares that he might have been absent-minded and genuine. What does it matter? He hasn't come to you for advice, the OP has.

If everyone on the thread decided he was an utter psycho and mass murderer, what difference would it make to this man who has no notion whatsoever that we're all discussing him, if we're wrong?

Whereas if we all decided he's a well-meaning sweetheart and the OP should get over herself, what difference would that make to her life if we're wrong?

Re the ring doorbell, I've answered mine when I'm 200 miles away with "I'm just in a work call, can you leave the parcel on the step?" Then text my neighbour to grab it

Re the ring doorbell, I've answered mine when I'm 200 miles away with "I'm just in a work call, can you leave the parcel on the step?" Then text my neighbour to grab it

That's very cool. Modern technology.

Ok, I got page 26 of this thread before losing the will to live.

Too many people on this thread running with one narrative that may not even exist.

I mean it may exist, but the vast majority of comments are only actually considering one narrative and running with it.

OP., ask yourself one question. If you were really into him, would this bother you?

If it wouldn’t, then let it go and see it at face value.

If you’re not really into him, for various reasons, and this particular incident has just validated that, then end it.

& even if he’s a well meaning sweetheart the OP has decided that she doesn’t want anything more to do with him. She doesn’t owe him anything, Not even kindness.

@icelolly12

It's like Ted Bundy. He used to make women feel sorry for him by limping and asking for help - "can you help me put this heavy box in the back of my van". Many women ignored their gut instinct and did it anyway - we are conditioned not to question, to be helpful, and manipulative men know this. The lucky few who escaped Ted Bundy wished they had listened to their gut and not been polite but at least they escaped. Many others weren't so fortunate...

It’s like Ted Bundy...

Lmao. Is it really?

Okay maybe not a direct comparison granted. But the lesson to listen to your gut instinct is one that should never be ignored imo.

@TurnUpTurnip

There’s really no need for the hysteria you’ve more than likely put them down somewhere, double lock the door if you are worried pretty much all doors can be double locked from the inside, you obviously felt comfortable enough with him to invite him back to yours

what hysteria?

The 885 comments over some missing keys 😂😂😂

When you get new keys, get a really unusual keyring so nobody can claim they look like theirs!

@Wilhelmine have you heard anything else from Joe Goldberg!?

On a serious note though.. fair enough if he empties his pockets to sit comfortably on the sofa BUT... unless your keys were directly underneath his, not even necessarily at the side even, but right hidden underneath his... then why would he pick 2 sets of keys up "by accident"??
And surely once he'd got home and "emptied his pockets" as he does.. why on earth didn't he call or message you RIGHT away?!
He does sound odd. Might have wanted you to feel a bit vulnerable so he could be the hero in the morning??

I'd just go quiet now and distance yourself from him hopefully he'll naturally get the message. Or if he doesn't then you can just say you're not ready for anything serious and you've got a lot going on you're not in good place and you'd rather be alone/with family etc

Count it as a lucky escape he could well be a loon!

@icelolly12

Okay maybe not a direct comparison granted. But the lesson to listen to your gut instinct is one that should never be ignored imo.

Yeah listening to gut instinct is a valid point. But in regards to the OP, she has listed so many reasons why she feels like he isn’t worth continuing a relationship with that isn’t because of this particular incident, but rather a culmination of what’s happened throughout.

I mean, if it was just this incident with the keys, then the OP wouldn’t feel the need to list all the other concerns. The keys would be enough.

So it isn’t just about the keys is it? Yet every single other incident hasn’t ended with this guy turning into Ted Bundy ffs!

Let’s get it straight. She just isn’t into him. Based on things He has said and done. And that is fair enough. So the OP should end it.

Her not being into him (and no harm coming to the OP at all despite all the things he has done to put her off) doesn’t make him Ted Bundy. It just makes him a guy who the OP doesn’t really like.

I dated a guy who set some alarm bells ringing, but he was my first relationships after divorce and I told myself I was being too cautious and to give it a go. After 4 months I ended it and he stalked me for 3 years. ALWAYS trust your intuition.

@Justilou1

Seriously - call the police. What if he IS known to them?

ffs. This seems a OTT. Could they not have fallen out of your bag. Call the police and tell them what? You have a hunch? I think you are jumping to all wild conclusions.

ripples101

The OP hasn't given reasons she dislikes him. She has listed things he has done or said that are yellow flags at best.

We do need to distinguish between not liking someone and being worried about someone.

Get a tracker for your keys, saves some worry!

Behind every man that gives women the heeby jeebies...
Is a chorus of cool girls telling her she's wrong.

@neveradullmoment99

He did have them. Read the thread FFS.

@Lweji

Splitting hairs.

All the things he’s done have raised a flag. All those things are making the OP feel like she doesn’t want to continue in a relationship with him.

Which is fair enough.

You could use Clare's Law to see if he's any prior history - or just dump him and move on safe with your newly changed locks & a potentially lucky escape

@BertramLacey

On another thread I wondered why so many women, when faced with useless and lying men, accept the lies and the shit behaviour. The answer's here, isn't it, in this thread. The absolute naivety of some women who would need to be bashed over the head with a blunt instrument before they thought someone had less than decent intentions.

Yes. The handmaidens have been out in force today. It's fine to be wary and cautious of a man taking your keys. It's fine to realise that whilst it could be a mistake, there is a significant chance that it could be a ruse to gain another set of keys so he can gain access to the house and come and go as he pleases. It's not okay to accuse women of 'hysteria' for being suspicious of men they don't know well, given the overwhelming evidence that so many men are violent and aggressive towards women.

Agree with this 100%. Misogyny amongst women is the worst

@Honeyroar

Crikey! This escalated since the first few pages!

Yes he sounds a bit full on. Yes it’s not a bad thing to take precautions and listen to your gut. But I’m pretty sure he took the keys by accident!

Oh, do you know him then? I guess the OP and others on the thread don't know him as closely as you do because they are not "pretty sure" it's innocent

@neveradullmoment99 - these days you don't even need to go to the hassle of reading the thread.. You can read the OP's responses only which should give you an indication of how the thread has moved on some 18 pages later.... Jeez

It's not splitting hairs to distinguish between worrying things and things that make us less keen on a man.
The difference is worrying about him taking our keys with him.
Not fancy: what a twat, but all well as keys have returned.
Yellow flags: I don't feel safe knowing he had my keys, and had the opportunity to copy them.

Entirely different story.