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Original poster

Has my date stolen my keys??

999 replies

Wilhelmine · 28/11/2021 23:48

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

OP posts:
BertramLacey · 29/11/2021 18:32

On another thread I wondered why so many women, when faced with useless and lying men, accept the lies and the shit behaviour. The answer's here, isn't it, in this thread. The absolute naivety of some women who would need to be bashed over the head with a blunt instrument before they thought someone had less than decent intentions.

Yes. The handmaidens have been out in force today. It's fine to be wary and cautious of a man taking your keys. It's fine to realise that whilst it could be a mistake, there is a significant chance that it could be a ruse to gain another set of keys so he can gain access to the house and come and go as he pleases. It's not okay to accuse women of 'hysteria' for being suspicious of men they don't know well, given the overwhelming evidence that so many men are violent and aggressive towards women.

Terfydactyl · 29/11/2021 18:36

@NewlyGranny

The same people crying "Hysterical! Ridiculous! Paranoid!" would doubtless be the first to blame a woman for being foolish, naive and trusting if a man pulled this stunt on a woman and it all ended up in the papers...
Yes victim blaming at its finest. See it all the time.
doublemonkey · 29/11/2021 18:38

@BertramLacey

On another thread I wondered why so many women, when faced with useless and lying men, accept the lies and the shit behaviour. The answer's here, isn't it, in this thread. The absolute naivety of some women who would need to be bashed over the head with a blunt instrument before they thought someone had less than decent intentions.

Yes. The handmaidens have been out in force today. It's fine to be wary and cautious of a man taking your keys. It's fine to realise that whilst it could be a mistake, there is a significant chance that it could be a ruse to gain another set of keys so he can gain access to the house and come and go as he pleases. It's not okay to accuse women of 'hysteria' for being suspicious of men they don't know well, given the overwhelming evidence that so many men are violent and aggressive towards women.

Well said @BertramLacey, and in fact, loads of PPs have told their own stories of dodgy guys stealing their keys. I was one of them and even I'm surprised how common this is.
Terfydactyl · 29/11/2021 18:39

[quote meadowbleu]@Terfydactyl I am so very sorry you suffered that horrific experience, but appreciate you sharing it. I will keep it in mind but also pass it on to my daughters for future reference and anyone else I know who's moving house Flowers Thank you for the warning.

When all's said and done, whatever you think about @Wilhelmine experience here, we should encourage every woman to trust her instincts if nothing less and not be made to feel out of order if she's not comfortable. Regardless of the man, his behaviour, the intentions behind his behaviour, she shouldn't be discouraged from taking the steps she feels necessary in order to have peace of mind and feel safe.[/quote]
Please do, tell everyone and anyone. Even a slight suspicion is enough to my mind.

forrestgreen · 29/11/2021 18:50

How did he act when he dropped the keys off, genuinely regretful for the hassle or was he 'off'

ThinWomansBrain · 29/11/2021 18:58

@Wilhelmine here's a link to best video doorbell reviews
www.techradar.com/uk/best/best-video-doorbells

I use this site a lot - I usually find that even if I don't go for whatever is reccomended, the points that they make about different models are a good starter for narrowing down choices.

I haven't got one (communal front door), but a friend has & I think they are brilliant.

Honeyroar · 29/11/2021 19:04

Crikey! This escalated since the first few pages!

Yes he sounds a bit full on. Yes it’s not a bad thing to take precautions and listen to your gut. But I’m pretty sure he took the keys by accident!

icelolly12 · 29/11/2021 19:08

and how and why can you be so sure @Honeyroar

Lockheart · 29/11/2021 19:11

@icelolly12

and how and why can you be so sure *@Honeyroar*
Presumably in the same way other posters can be so sure that he's a psycho killer and it was intentional and malicious.
HarrisonStickle · 29/11/2021 19:12

@Honeyroar

Crikey! This escalated since the first few pages!

Yes he sounds a bit full on. Yes it’s not a bad thing to take precautions and listen to your gut. But I’m pretty sure he took the keys by accident!

How are you pretty sure?
HarrisonStickle · 29/11/2021 19:16

Presumably in the same way other posters can be so sure that he's a psycho killer and it was intentional and malicious.

So you're saying that you're at the other end of the ridiculous spectrum?

Whereas sensible people realise there have been red flags already, that he may well have taken them accidentally, but at the same time are cognicent of the red flags and suggest changing the locks in case he did have bad intentions.

icelolly12 · 29/11/2021 19:16

it’s not a bad thing to take precautions and listen to your gut. But I’m pretty sure he took the keys by accident! There was no need for the but

Lockheart · 29/11/2021 19:17

@HarrisonStickle

Presumably in the same way other posters can be so sure that he's a psycho killer and it was intentional and malicious.

So you're saying that you're at the other end of the ridiculous spectrum?

Whereas sensible people realise there have been red flags already, that he may well have taken them accidentally, but at the same time are cognicent of the red flags and suggest changing the locks in case he did have bad intentions.

I haven't expressed an opinion on his intentions. I'm just amazed at all these people who are able to ascertain his intentions so precisely.
Nowomenaroundeh · 29/11/2021 19:20

@Terfydactyl I'm so so sorry.

But like PPs have said, thank you for sharing. I was reading this in horror feeling so thankful we have changed our locks since we moved in.

I am going to share your story also. Thank you again.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/11/2021 19:20

@SoupDragon

All he has to do is make an imprint of your keys in blu tac etc

Does this actually work outside of Scooby Doo and the Famous Five? I've always wondered!

You may be sure that there are some dodgy key cutters out there, same as there are some dodgy solicitors, etc,

Not a new thing, either. I’ve read a Victorian novel where a murderer took an impression of a key that didn’t belong to him (in wax, no Blu-Tack then) in order to furnish a ‘foolproof’ alibi for the dastardly deed. It very nearly worked, too.

HarrisonStickle · 29/11/2021 19:20

I haven't expressed an opinion on his intentions. I'm just amazed at all these people who are able to ascertain his intentions so precisely.

Yes you have, you've said you're pretty sure it was accidental, i.e. he had no intentions.

KillingEvenings · 29/11/2021 19:21

swapping out the locks is a 10 minute job, new cylinder is £15. Definitely worth it

(horrible video quality but useful just to show how easy it is to do.)
icelolly12 · 29/11/2021 19:22

"I'm pretty sure he took the keys by accident" How? You can't be so sure, so you're the one dismissing the op's gut feeling and red flags and brushing them off because...what? Just because you, me, or any sane person wouldn't have ill intentions, doesn't mean everybody is that way inclined. Better to be safe than sorry. The stats with male violence speak for themselves and it's good to maintain a level of awareness and not let random men have our house keys! You're the one without any basis making statements that he took them by accident. You don't know. I don't know. Only he knows. But op is far better to be cautious.

Lockheart · 29/11/2021 19:22

@HarrisonStickle

I haven't expressed an opinion on his intentions. I'm just amazed at all these people who are able to ascertain his intentions so precisely.

Yes you have, you've said you're pretty sure it was accidental, i.e. he had no intentions.

That wasn't me...
Slippy78 · 29/11/2021 19:24

@Wilhelmine

Yes probably *@EssexLioness*. Anyway he’s gone now, job took 20 minutes! £180 well spent. Ouch 😣
I really wish you'd have read my earlier post. For anyone else in this situation you can get barrels for a few quid each and it's a 2 minute job. You could have saved yourself £170...
ScreamingBeans · 29/11/2021 19:26

Maybe I am naive but it all sounds a bit hysterical. Not everyone is a psychopath

You don't need everyone to be one, for your day and possibly longer, to be ruined by meeting just one.

HTH.

Terfydactyl · 29/11/2021 19:28

I haven't expressed an opinion on his intentions. I'm just amazed at
all these people who are able to ascertain his intentions so precisely

His intentions dont matter. OP has a suspicion. To me (obviously) and many other women that's enough to change locks and slowly dump him.
It would not be better if OP ignored all the warning signs and then was raped, murdered, assaulted, stalked, cameras fitted in her house, pick one.
Who cares if we are exaggerating (we aint) who cares if the money for new locks could have been better spent. Safety first.

HarrisonStickle · 29/11/2021 19:30

Apologies @Lockheart !

Lockheart · 29/11/2021 19:30

Where did I say she shouldn't dump him, shouldn't change the locks, or that the money would be better spent elsewhere?

SpangleWhorl · 29/11/2021 19:31

@icelolly12

And it's really quite shocking to realise that to take reasonable steps to protect your own personal safety is deemed as being "hysterical" by other women Sad
Don't forget 'paranoid'. I've had that one as well.