to expect my MIL to get my name right?

[Madlentileater]

OK, so me and DP are married, I kept my name and use MS as formal title. our children (her gc) are called firstname mysurname-dpssurname. She consitnetly addresses letters to me as Mrs my first name mysurname-dps surname. Once DD1 opened one because we share the same initial and I know DP mentioned it to her- why is it so difficult?

I must be very old (fashioned) then, not only did I take DH's surname but I even opted for the "to obey" bit in the marriage ceremony. However at work I am known by my maiden name.

I can understand using Ms means you do not have to reveal your marital status to everyone - none of their business. But this is your MIL - she knows you are married to her son. To make her use Ms just seems a bit petty.

I LOVE revealing my marital status, I don't see what the problem is, personally! I love being a Mrs.

It's not petty: it's the term of address the OP prefers, and the term that a lot of us prefer.

I don't really understand why everyone is worked up about it though?

It doesn't bother me, it's a mild irritant that's all.

Though I am not above small acts of revenge. I booked a table for 14 people for DH's birthday, and emailed all his family telling them where and when and finished by saying 'Oh if you're there before us, the table is booked in MY name.'

That was fun.

pmsl at sobernow

My uncle was not allowed to do the speech at his DD's wedding because he insisted on calling the groom Martin, when the groom's name was Stephen. He simply couldn't be trusted. It wasn't rudeness, just complete insanity.

Hmm. I think the point here is that the OP is worked up about it, so it would be polite for her MIL to get it right. If the OP didn't give a stuff, then it wouldn't matter so much that the MIL keeps getting it wrong. It's just a matter of courtesy isn't it? To make an effort when you know that something is important to someone?

LOl. That's very funny.

When dh and I told my parents we were going to get married, they opened a bottle of champagne and my mother toasted us saying 'congratulations 100x and the Name of My Ex Boyfriend'. That was quite funny.

This has got nothing to do with women's lib - and everything to do with being a bit narky. Do you get on with your MIL?

PS am LOL at your parents getting your surname right - isn't it, er, their surname too?

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My MIL won't tell me what her farkin' name is ... beat that!

"So mother-in-law" asks I "is it Ellen or Helen?"

"whatever you like dear"

"no really, what is it?"

"I'm not bothered"

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Love that 100X!

Yes I suppose so wonk. but it'd be better for the OP's blood pressure to shrug it off wouldn't it?

I think my MIL does it because it gives her pleasure to write Mr and Mrs personally. Now it'd be discourteous of me to take her to task about it wouldn't it?

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And I would bear the mild irritation of you doing so with a patient snarl.

You're going to be an extraordinary MIL Cod. Good grief. The poor girls.

Can you imagine future Mumsnet? Am I being unreasonable... to be really annoyed at my MILs inability to type?

When I got married, many people who had addressed me as Dr H Abbibu started calling me Mrs DHname DH surname. He was still called Dr...

Ooh lennygirl I get that too.

Future Mumnet: AIBU to expect my MIL not to refer to me as a slattern and to ask whether I have changed my summer cushion covers for winter ones yet?

My father and sister still call me by my husband's name, with the exception that my sister doesn't even spell my husband (pretty straightforward 4 letter) name correctly.

My father does it because he is a consummate MCP with a warped idea of female independence. My sister does it because is so limited in her views that she believes this is what I should be calling myself. Either way it bugs me, and I do not think you are B at all U.

i kept my surname when i married and have been ms since ithought about it when i was 20, but tbh i don 't care much when people get it wrong - it's not the norm is it - so that's why they get it wrong. if people questioned the principles i'd based my choice on directly then i'd be annoyed, but not that much - they're just stupid really aren't they?
my immediate family often mispell ds1's name, but then i often mispell friend's names and i've known them years. i did give my other 2 children easy to spell names because of that.

There are just too many things to remember in life without remembering variations on double barrelled surnames

And everyone else on Gransnet laughing behind their hands...