to expect my MIL to get my name right?

[Madlentileater]

OK, so me and DP are married, I kept my name and use MS as formal title. our children (her gc) are called firstname mysurname-dpssurname. She consitnetly addresses letters to me as Mrs my first name mysurname-dps surname. Once DD1 opened one because we share the same initial and I know DP mentioned it to her- why is it so difficult?

I've kept my maiden name even though I'm married but still my own mother insists on sedning cards to Mr and Mrs dh's surname

Some people will never change

well, my mum and dad get it right...but not other relatives.

So it is your title she is getting wrong, not your actual name? Have I got that right? Perhaps she just forgets? Or do you think she is making a point?

My mil changes people's names so she knows who she's talking about but no-one else does. Mind you she's a fruitloop.

She gets the title AND the name wrong! I do answer to Mrs sometimes, when dealing with people too young/ignorant to understand what Ms means...but I have never changed my name and don't answer to my DCs surname, ever! I'll excuse people like Dr receptionists who make that mistake, fair enough, but when someone has known you 25 years, you might expect them to get your name right, no?
I assume she's making a point but wish she'd just come out with it

Most of the time she surely calls you Susan or whatever your name is - so the Ms or Mrs and confusion with surname is surely not something that occurs very often. I can understand wanting to keep your maiden name but what is the deal with being Ms instead of Mrs? Also, she is your MIL, she is from a different generation. Give the woman a break. The Mrs is understandable as you are married to her son. And she is giving you the same surname as her grandchildren.

"I assume she's making a point but wish she'd just come out with it"

Well you know what they about making assumptions!

Have you ever just come out and asked her why she does this? Perhaps she really doesn't realise what she's doing/that she's getting it wrong and managing to wind you up about it all.

Don't know how old she is, but Ms is still a formal title that many people (especially older people) don't recognise/take seriously.

You've also made it complicated by having a different name from your children, so it may just be an honest mistake.

Ask her!

And yes, to be honest I think YABU - it's hardly a life or death matter is it?

no, it only happens on letters- I'd be happy to skip the whole title thing, but since people use titles eg on envelopes, I choose to use one that doesn't advertise my marital status, like men have. OK she's a different generation but it's not like she's been locked in a cupboard for the last 30 years. If I'd changed my name and she forgot that, I could sympathise but to make an executive decision and change someone else's name seems a bit bonkers.
have to leave now as DS2 hovering like a vulture round the pc. look forward to other's experiences later.

when i got married i didn't change my surname and use "ms"

the children have dh surname though mine is in their name as an extra name (and with the idea they can double barrel as they get older if they like, my surname is MUCH nicer!)

my MIL always addresses things to me as Mrs mysurname-dhsurname

however MY mum (and most of my friends come to that) always address letters to me as Mrs dp surname.

i think it's a bit odd that they know i have kept my name but i don't say anything. I think they think i have done it for "professional" reasons and for "family" things i am mrs dh surname. But, after all, does it matter?

Oh god I feel for you. One of DP's brothers always assumes all inmates of the Inferiority Complex have DP's surname - I have pointed out several times, really quite politely, that only his brother does (we're not even married, FFS), but it never sinks in. Am inclined to get a mallet, frankly.

Ms has been a term in common currency for around 30 years, dammit, she's had time to get used to it. And I don't see why she should assume you have the same surname as her children!

Yes YABU

You are lucky she gets your first name right. My mother consistently called my DB's gf Ludmila, Ludala, and calls his current gf Victoria, Veronica. She also calls my friend Angharad, Harriet and calls another friend Magdalen, Margaret.

This seems fairly standard old bat behaviour to me, but I concede my threshold may be abnormally low due to my mother's peculiar habit.

...that should read 'your children'.

I like the fact that my children have a surname that is different from but combines both their parents'.

My MIL has called me Jill for years.

My MIL repeatedly writes letters to Mr and Mrs 100x, even though she knows full well I haven't changed my name. She would just prefer I had I think.

Mind you my FIL gets my first name wrong all the time. He goes through this list, dh's brother's ex-wife, dh's old girlfriends, dh's brother's wife, the dog's name and then mine.

I just stare at him when he does it.

I call my daughters by the cats' names sometimes

Partridge - am I right in assuming your name is not Jill?

JIll is quite an odd choice really isn't it? Jill. I'd just go with it I think, and pretend my name was Jill. It must be quite entertaining.

Does he call your dp Jack?

Having said that, I do find the cards to DP's Name Esq and Miss Myname quite odd. Mind you I find even odder the fact they're sent by the wife of one of DP's mates, whom I've met precisely twice. Women doing Christmas cards, now, I find that even weirder than Wrong Names.

Mother - my mum used to do that.

She used to run through the whole list to find the right name!

"Stop that, Sally, Mary, Bobby, X (sister's name) ARRGGHH Z (my name. finally.)

No YANBU. I think it is extremely rude to get someone's name wrong.

We have a double-barrelled surname. All of us, me, DH and all the DCs all called Myname-Hisname. MIL does manage to get it right but her sister consistently sends us cards with just DH's (old) surname. We have been married for 24 years. Worst is they are always hand-delivered so don't need a surname on anyway She also spells my first name wrong, and has managed to change DS2's name to a vaguely similar girls name.

This year my mum's brother has started doing it too, AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

No,my name is not Jill - it does begin with J though.

Thing is, the women who are now our mothers and MILs were young when Women's Lib was HUGE - they are the generation that fought for equal pay, fgs, they aren't Victorians! So there is no excuse for deliberately getting names wrong or pretending they are all confused.

Spot on, Edam. Women's Lib was around when I was a girl. And that was about 120 years ago, ffs.

Sodernow - that is annoying, and very rude.