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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect my MIL to get my name right?

83 replies

Madlentileater · 16/12/2007 15:41

OK, so me and DP are married, I kept my name and use MS as formal title. our children (her gc) are called firstname mysurname-dpssurname. She consitnetly addresses letters to me as Mrs my first name mysurname-dps surname. Once DD1 opened one because we share the same initial and I know DP mentioned it to her- why is it so difficult?

OP posts:

differentbutthesame · 16/12/2007 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinetreedog · 16/12/2007 18:29

Women's lib by-passed loads of women.

jetson · 16/12/2007 18:30

I think irritating people and pretending you're doing it by accident so you can't be confronted about it is probably one of the few thrills left to old biddies. I don't really mind. It did annoy me for years that my Mum pretended to forgot I'm vegetarian although I saw her almost every week and have been veggie for 23 years! Ham turned up in every meal i ever had at her house and had to be picked out. I thought she was forgetful but my hubby pointed out she's definately doing it to try and annoy you and funnily enough once I realised that, it didn't annoy me anymore. I just thought "How hilarious- mad old bint"

Lapsedrunner · 16/12/2007 18:43

probably not the best thread to "come out" on.....but I'm really not in to His 'n' Hers double barelled surnames..........

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 16/12/2007 18:44

very similar situation
i think folk do it on purspose mad lentil - sooo annoying

Magrat · 16/12/2007 18:51

excellent thread idea

Hunker's DIL: AIBU my MIL keeps trying to demonstrate how to breastfeed with her own norks, I wouldn't mind but DS is 3 now

tallulah · 16/12/2007 18:55

lapsedrunner I'm not into women taking their DH's name as if we were back in the 19th century, but I'm polite enough to address them by that name if that is what they decide to do.

Ditto women who are happy for their children to have a different surname to theirs...

Magrat · 16/12/2007 18:57

I'm confused

you're scathing of women taking their husband's name yet equally scathing of children having a different surname to their parents

how can one win in your world tallulah?

mylittlepudding · 16/12/2007 19:05

I have a similar irritation with my stepmother. I use my professional title (Dr) for my personal mail etc. She addresses everything 'Miss'. It has become quite a battleground - I just laugh now. My DP did come out and ask her once, she said it was because "I am not old enough to be a doctor" . I gave in - it's not worth it, tbh.

littlerach · 16/12/2007 19:10

My MIL gets my name wrong quite often - she calls me by DH'd ex wives name.

So doe sFIL soemtimes.

This is after 8 or 9 years.

AChristmasMeadow · 16/12/2007 19:18

That would annoy me. I have been with my dh for 8 years and still my mil cant spell my first name

scanner · 16/12/2007 19:22

My fil & mil never get my first name right always call me by a male name that sounds similar, dh did mention it to mil and now every time they get it wrong she says 'oh, sorry it's just we have a friend called that'. We've been together for 10 years ffs.

ahundredtimes · 16/12/2007 19:24

(MAGRAT - has it ever been done? Future mumsnetters? I bet it has, if not let's do it, I can think of masses )

Madoldcatlady · 16/12/2007 19:24

I've been married to DH for 9 years and yesterday he filled in the kids' passport applications spelling my name wrong on all 3!

Last year when he was best man at his mates wedding he reffered to the bride as Linda in his speech when her name is Julia. We don't even know any Lindas so I've no idea where that came from but it certainly made the speech memorable.

Blu · 16/12/2007 19:27

Aggravating though this is, for me, the only way through is to maintain a sense of humour. Not only do my ILs refer to me and DS as having DP's surname (I have my own, DS has DPname -MyName) BUT my FIL calls me 'Veronica'. My name is nothing like 'Veronica', I have just asked DP why he calls me Veronica, and he has had to explain, somewhat embarrased that veronica was the first white woman that any member of the family ever went out with - sometime back in the 60s.

Lapsedrunner · 16/12/2007 19:31

life's just too short for this thread , bye, bye for now

ohcomeALYefaithful · 16/12/2007 19:33

My MIL calles me by my DH's Ex wife's name on occasion! I just ignore her.

Lapsedrunner, I'm with you on the double surnames.

Although our DD had my then DPs surname (he is now my DH) so a different surname to mine, I knew we would eventually tie the knot so it didn't matter. One friend changed her name by deedpoll (or deephole as I once saw it written) when they had their LO, so eventually had Anne 'quite unusual surname' marrying Frank 'quite unusual surname' which was quite odd. *names changed to protect the innocent.

Why don't you all go the whole hog and make you DH take YOUR name, as one of my gfs did.

tallulah · 16/12/2007 19:34

magrat my comments were in response to lapsedrunners snotty comment "but I'm really not in to His 'n' Hers double barelled surnames........"

I had just posted that our entire family has double-barrelled surnames. Can't help assuming her comment was directed at me.

But you seemed to have missed the point which is that even though I don't like this "ooh I'm Mrs Bloggs now" I wouldn't deliberately address their card to Miss Jones- which is what people do when they deliberately address me as Mrs Dhname. It's a lack of respect for someone elses's feelings.

HabbiChristmasToBu · 16/12/2007 19:35

100x - Franny's DIL. I just can't eat any more veg, but every 3 weeks my MIL has this bizarre veg bootcamp, and keeps checking up on my butternut squash intake. She says all her friends think it's great...

Where would this thread live? Not here, I suspect.

ahundredtimes · 16/12/2007 19:37

No, start one in chat. It's funny, if it doesn't get nasty? Would it get nasty?

mrspnut · 16/12/2007 19:39

I kept my own surname and the kids both have my surname as well and OH has his own surname.

His surname always has to be spelt out, and with me having a first name that often needs spelling - I didn't want to have to do it for my surname as well.
The kids got my surname because I won the arm wrestle we had to decide it and because he's more scared of me than I am of him
All the older generations of our family have been so scandalised by our actions that my grandmother still talks about it to strangers in John Lewis even now and my oldest child is nearly 11.

ahundredtimes · 16/12/2007 19:40

(Habbi - but not NOW. I've got to put dcs to bed. . . .)

HabbiChristmasToBu · 16/12/2007 19:42

Too late. Don't leave me lonely, now. here. You too, Magrat. Hunker can take it.

purpleduck · 16/12/2007 19:53

I hyphenated when we got married-
my mil insisted on sending post with only dh's surname on it. She eventually got remarried, and she couldn't change her name fast enough, as she really didn't like my FIL (her ex). I did tell her, but she still didn't change, so I sent her cards to her in her old married surname (dh's surname).
She called me and said "thats not my name anymore".
I said "its not mine either".
The post is now properly addressed!!!!

My mother sends post to me addressed "Mrs dh's initial and surname"

Hate hate hate it!!!! Its like I disappeared in her eyes, and am now just her SIL's wife

jetson · 16/12/2007 20:25

I hyperventilated when we got married-

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