Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

To not appreciate vibrators etc playing a part on family dramas!
186

Chamomileteaplease · 27/11/2021 13:32

Last night I started watching Bump on iplayer. In the first five minutes there is a scene where the mother's vibrator falls on the floor and is seen in all its glory.

I watched the first episode and it seemed like an OK drama, the kind you might watch with your older teens. But why do they have to throw in the vibrator scene? It wasn't needed and is just an embarrassment to the audience. Are they trying to be edgy??

A similar thing with Fleabag - I thought it would be a good series to watch with my older teenage daughter but then I remembered the first episode where she benignly accepts unasked for anal sex. The rest of the series is quite full on I would say, but nothing that bad again, from memory.

AIBU to be pissed off that programmes that might offer good family watching with older teens can be spoiled by unwarranted, in your face sexual scenes? Interested to hear if others agree.

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Kanaloa · 27/11/2021 16:39

@MissingSummertime

YANBU - I would not be happy for my DC to see that sort of thing either (when they are older as very little atm).

I think while the specifics of those two programmes in particular has been discussed here with people saying they YABU as they aren’t family viewing (and from the ads I saw of Fleabag I would agree, haven’t seen Bump) there is a wider problem here, and that is what exactly IS suitable and safe for family viewing? (for young children and older children/ teens)??

The only adult show we’re happy to sit watch together with our young DD is pre-tea time quiz shows like Countdown! (And while fun, is rather short on plot! 😁)

This thread makes me feel nostalgic for the lovely family shows I used to watch with my parents like Bruce Forsythe’s Generation Game, Challenge Anneka, Changing Rooms, Quantum Leap, Stars in Their Eyes….

I think the Beeb is crying out for some nice safe family friendly shows or dramas. No foul language, violence or sex just sit and cuddle on the sofa with a cuppa viewing!

Well it really depends how old your child is and what sort of thing they like - there are lots of programmes suitable to watch with younger teens but I think part of the issue is people wanting to watch shows they would like themselves but that just aren’t appropriate for family viewing.

I’ve never been a big fan of things like changing rooms but there’s still tons of that type of programme around on telly. Home shows, baking shows etc. Also still plenty of game shows and things like you’ve mentioned.

For comédies and drama, lots of shows on Netflix you can watch with teens.
Please
or
to access all these features

AnnieSnap · 27/11/2021 16:47

I haven’t seen Bump, but loved Fleabag. YABU using a vibrator/having sex/swearing are all parts of adult life. In context, they each add to an adult drama or comedy. Lighten-up!

Please
or
to access all these features

InFiveMins · 27/11/2021 16:47

YANBU it's completely unnecessary.

Please
or
to access all these features

blameless · 27/11/2021 16:49

At the risk of triggering, Bob Peck in Edge of Darkness examines his daughter's flat after her mysterious death. For reasons I have yet to fathom, on finding her vibrator, he kisses it.
That was in 1985, so it's not a new thing.

Please
or
to access all these features

TheDaydreamBelievers · 27/11/2021 16:55

If you want to have open conversations about healthy sex, with your teens I would 100000% recommend Sex Education. Loads of accurate, consent focused, info. Wish it was about when I was a teen. It does have a huge amount of sexual content in it though, and approximately 2 full sex scenes an episode

Please
or
to access all these features

AnnieSnap · 27/11/2021 16:56

@Chamomileteaplease

I said that I would be quite happy talking about anything with them. And have more so with the older one. The younger one is more reserved.

It was a bit tongue in cheek about GoT not having a vibrator in it. GoT encouraged some great chat about the incest, rape etc.

But yes maybe I need to look inward as to why vibrators and teens don't seem to mix, for me.

I realise Fleabag is not a family drama, you are right but I suppose I had hoped I would enjoy it with the 16 year old. It was her who didn;t enjoy it actually.

Food for thought. Thanks all for the discussion.

Your daughter won’t enjoy watching something with you if she can tell it makes you uncomfortable.
Please
or
to access all these features

SickAndTiredAgain · 27/11/2021 16:56

I realise Fleabag is not a family drama, you are right but I suppose I had hoped I would enjoy it with the 16 year old. It was her who didn;t enjoy it actually.

I’m not sure what Bump is so can’t comment on that but the outspoken crudeness around sex is part of the point of fleabag and that character. Not every show has to ensure it is suitable for teenagers.

Please
or
to access all these features

BiLuminous · 27/11/2021 16:57

Has your daughter not seen Sex Education yet then?

Please
or
to access all these features

Rubyupbeat · 27/11/2021 17:07

Sorry, but I just loved the scooter handle scene in Motherland.

Please
or
to access all these features

Vates · 27/11/2021 17:08

If I knew there was such a thing as vibrator that I could buy as a teenager then it would have been all smiles. I personally didn't discover them until well later, 28 when a friend bought me one. I never realised I could actually get off that quick and easily. It was a blessing.

Please
or
to access all these features

felulageller · 27/11/2021 17:20

I'd much rather they watch vibrators- perfectly healthy and don't get you pregnant/ infect you with disease than all the rape and objectification of women in GOT!!!!
[Shock]

Please
or
to access all these features

authenticforgery · 27/11/2021 17:26

I was with you until you said GoT was easier viewing Hmm

Please
or
to access all these features

Graphista · 28/11/2021 04:59

@TarasCrazyTiara I've been able to watch anything on mainstream tv with my dd I've taken a very open approach to such things with her and I think and hope I've empowered her to own and enjoy her sexuality without compromising on ensuring that she has a positive development of her sexuality

Ime those children raised with outdated and ill informed attitudes and approaches to sex education and discussion of such things are more likely to have negative even harmful experiences.

Information and knowledge are extremely powerful, especially in this context and especially for young women at a time when feminism seems to be bloody going backwards, their sexual partners are watching huge amounts of very aggressive porn and rape and murder are rapidly becoming effectively legal!

I am horrified by the world she is having to deal with sexually speaking but I think the solution to that is more openness and sensible discussion not less!

I think you're right to question why you're more comfortable with women being portrayed as suitable for objectification and abuse rather than as agents of their own sexuality and sexual pleasure inc without a man or indeed another human present

Masturbation is a natural, healthy and positive way to explore ones sexuality

Please
or
to access all these features

Pyewackect · 28/11/2021 05:12

“family viewing with older teens “, interesting concept. I don’t think my lot have actually watched a pukka TV in years. Everything is through their iPads/laptops in their rooms.

Please
or
to access all these features

Penlee19Dec81SolomonBrowneRNLB · 28/11/2021 05:16

Thank you for the warning, @Chamomileteaplease,
I shall never watch either one of these.
YANBU.
The ones who think this is all OK are poor suckers
who are in for a rude awakening.

Please
or
to access all these features

GnomeDePlume · 28/11/2021 06:15

@blameless

At the risk of triggering, Bob Peck in Edge of Darkness examines his daughter's flat after her mysterious death. For reasons I have yet to fathom, on finding her vibrator, he kisses it.
That was in 1985, so it's not a new thing.

As I recall (I admit it is a long time since I watched it) the scene symbolises the depth of his sense of loss. He is trying to connect with anything which has been part of her.
Please
or
to access all these features

TarasCrazyTiara · 28/11/2021 06:30

@Kanaloa

That’s different it’s in a fantasy situation and some of its pretty unrealistic and obviously just for the nudity.

Please
or
to access all these features

Kanaloa · 28/11/2021 07:02

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@Kanaloa

That’s different it’s in a fantasy situation and some of its pretty unrealistic and obviously just for the nudity.[/quote]
So violent rape and torture (of almost every single female character in GoT) is better than a woman masturbating because there are dragons in a later scene? What kind of mental contortion did you go through to get to that?

I actually can’t think of a character in GoT that wasn’t at one point either sexually assaulted/raped or attacked/abused in some way by a man. Just because it’s fantasy genre doesn’t mean it’s somehow more acceptable to watch that masturbation. Although I suppose that shows how taboo female sexuality really is when it’s more palatable to see a woman raped than orgasming.

Please
or
to access all these features

ClaudiaJ1 · 28/11/2021 07:18

I remember that the movie Parenthood had a vibrator scene and a 13 year old watching porn on the VCR in his room scene and that movie was rated Mature Audiences 15+. So if your teen is 15 or older, vibrator scenes should be ok.

Same with American Pie with Jason Biggs' character fucking a pie, and masturbating in a sock, and cumming in his jocks like, 3 times in front of a stripper. That was rated 15+.

Please
or
to access all these features

ClaudiaJ1 · 28/11/2021 07:48

Meaning that the movie raters think that seeing a vibrator scene and a 13 year old watching porn on the VCR in his room, and a teen fucking a pie, and masturbating in a sock, and ejaculating in jocks 3 times in front of a stripper is perfectly okay for a 15 year old (and upwards) to see. So all that stuff is okay for your 16 year old DC to see. I don't agree with it but that's what MA/15+ means. I wouldn't want my 16 year old seeing any of those scenes, but raters of content seem to think it's a okay.

Please
or
to access all these features

ClaudiaJ1 · 28/11/2021 07:50

I can't remember if the pie was hot or cold. I guess it doesn't matter though. Envy (vomit, not envy).

Please
or
to access all these features

ClaudiaJ1 · 28/11/2021 08:16

@Skysblue

Yanbu. Hated that Fleabag scene, didn’t watch anymore of the show. I know we’re supposed to feel sorry for her character, but I’m sick of it being presented to teenagers as just another normal kind of sex. It isn’t, it’s the most gross and germy area of the body, stds passed anally are extremely difficult to treat with antibiotics, it often injures the female partner and imo it is not sex.

Sick of kids being taught weird stuff about sex and exposed to violent porn etc.

You know what teens, particularly boys, are never ever exposed to on the screen or internet? Healthy fun sex in a loving relationship. The people making the shows aren’t interested in that. And then we wonder why violence against women is so dramatically on the rise 😢

I

I agree the OP is NU, but your anal phobic post is quite ignorant. Actually the mouth has more germs than the anus. "Your mouth comes in contact with more germs than the rectal area. More than 600 types of bacteria thrive in your oral cavity. A study published in the journal Microbiome found that one single lip kiss can transfer 80 million germs"

Yet we still kiss and have oral sex.

I also remember reading that the vagina has more germs than the anus, but can't find the link for it.
Please
or
to access all these features

ClaudiaJ1 · 28/11/2021 08:31

@Graphista

I think yabu for 2 reasons

1 these are NOT family dramas they are adult dramas and clearly marketed as such

2 if you think older teens aren't aware of anal sex and vibrators you are EXTREMELY Naive

I think maybe you need to catch up to modern times tbh

This wouldn't even have been all that shocking when I was a teen 30 years ago!

@Graphista It's not at all an 'adult drama'. It is rated 15+.
Please
or
to access all these features

logsonlogsoff · 28/11/2021 08:34

The issue seems to be that you’re trying to watch adult content with a child. What teenager wants to watch sex scenes with their mother????
Fleabag is genius, so YABU.
Is it really so awful if a teen learns that vibratory exists and that sex is something to be enjoyed by everyone including older women? At your daughters age she’ll already have been exposed to extreme porn unfortunately so perhaps seeing how sex is in reality isn’t such a terrible thing.

Please
or
to access all these features

JumperandJacket · 28/11/2021 08:42

Fleabag is definitely an adult show.

OP, I think it’s fine if you don’t want to watch this stuff with your teen- not everything has to be an opportunity to talk about safe sex or whatever. Just do a bit more research. There are so many good shows which are suitable for watching with teens and not focused on sex.

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.