To say fuck it and give them picnic food?

[Blahdyblahbla]

My dc are a nightmare at home in relation to food. They eat well at the childminders house, but with me and grandparents they just refuse anything vaguely like a hot meal (unless of course its nuggets and chips).

I'm losing the will, I plan and cook nutritious meals without too much repetition, half killing myself to make the said meal available throughout the evening to accommodate everyone's activities.

Most meals get rejected, they'd rather starve than try something they don't like the look of.
They both will reliably eat packed lunch/ picnic type food.

AIBU to say sod it and let them have a spread every evening for the next few months, just so I can drop the evening meal from my mental load? Or will it just make things worse?
They are 2 and 5.

Ham sandwiches and quavers were very popular when my kids were little . They were obsessed

I really wish I had stressed less about things like this when mine were small! The best advice I read was that you control what you serve (which absolutely could be picnic stuff if you wanted) they choose what and how much they eat. No bribing, forcing, controlling, or even commenting. Mine loved when I served “afternoon tea”, usually small sandwiches or rolls, another savoury like sausage rolls or samosas, some crudités, maybe a dip, and then a small cake. Or fresh crusty bread, cooked meats and cheeses, maybe hard boiled eggs, tomatoes / lettuces / cucumbers, pasta or potato salad, and so on. Or with your spaghetti bolognese.. you put the pasta in one dish, sauce separately, grated cheese, garlic bread, salad, whatever, and they only take the components they want.

My kids eat this every night! Age 6 and 9. Apple, carrot, cucumber, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, tomato, cheese, ham, salami, sausages, sausage rolls, bought pizza, burger patty… not all in the same night 😂

I have no idea why we force feed children "I cook what I want and they must eat it" why do you get a choice and they don't! My husband and I often fancy different meals. Make what your children like.

You have no idea why parents make choices for their CHILDREN but not for other adults? Really? I sincerely hope you don’t have kids on that case.

You know why they eat well at the childminders house? Because they give them food and they'll have to eat it.

With you they know that youll cave and give them junk food.

So just make them a meal and tell them its this or nothing! It will take a few days of crying and whinging but then they'll realise you are serious and no longer a pushover

And no dont refer to picknick food. Just give them a healthy meal. They just need boundaries and you need to set them and stick with them. Good luck. You can do it.

My DD (8) would have pasta every night if she could, do to make it healthier I make a version of Jamie Oliver's 7 veg sauce (loads of veg blended with passata). At least then I feel she's got some nutrition! She also loves fish finger tacos (just use tortilla wraps) with salad, cheese etc to help herself and of course ketchup. Can also work with chicken nuggets/goujons etc.

@BabbleBee

My DC went through a phase of moaning about most food I put on their plates. However if I made something like fajitas and let them serve themselves at the table then they’d eat more. I did it for a while with lots of different types of food. All teenagers now and don’t care what they eat.

This is a good point. Children often respond much better to narrow choices and the ability to self serve.

So if they need to eat a veg, you give them a choice of two and they're more likely to eat the one they chose.

Laying the table so that they serve themselves there rather than being given a plate of food can also help.

Whatever happened to being a parent and actually disciplining your child? They sit at the table and are not allowed to leave the table, no matter what, until they've at least eaten half of their dinner? Whatever happened to that? I'd put the plate in front of them, say people are starving and you will not be excused from this table until you eat it. They'll soon back down.

@ClaudiaJ1

Whatever happened to being a parent and actually disciplining your child? They sit at the table and are not allowed to leave the table, no matter what, until they've at least eaten half of their dinner? Whatever happened to that? I'd put the plate in front of them, say people are starving and you will not be excused from this table until you eat it. They'll soon back down.

Ah, a nice little bit of rule by fear.

How is it 'rule by fear'? It's called parenting your child and raising them properly!

I think you can offer fairly healthy food for them to pick.

I think sometimes a plate of food looks like too much for a small child, but picking something and eating and then eating more can get more food from them.

You can add some hot food like chicken goujons or cooked veg and add in something new every so often.

Do they have their own plates? It seems to have gone out of fashion but in the 70s most children had their own plate and often cutlery. Probably because crockery was expensive and children's plates were plastic.

Toddlers are bonkers, some will eat if it is on their special plate.

These are bamboo and under £5 - although you do need to pay delivery. It's just an idea.

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@ClaudiaJ1

Whatever happened to being a parent and actually disciplining your child? They sit at the table and are not allowed to leave the table, no matter what, until they've at least eaten half of their dinner? Whatever happened to that? I'd put the plate in front of them, say people are starving and you will not be excused from this table until you eat it. They'll soon back down.

My DC had to sit nicely at the table, hands washed, but no I have never said they had to eat half their food and sit there until they did. I cooked reasonable food and there was no alternative, they had NO idea that it was an option. It wasnt unless we went out for a meal and they were old enough to choose. Zero tolerance for rudeness, whining or remarks about the food. They chose how much they ate but they knew nothing else was coming! Forcing someone to eat is horrible and provokes anxiety which is what most food issues are about but yes I took a take it or leave it approach.

@StEval That's fair enough.

@ClaudiaJ1

How is it 'rule by fear'? It's called parenting your child and raising them properly!

forcing them to stay sat at a table til they have eaten an arbitrary amount (set by you) from their plates, and not able to say they are done and get down?

So what happens if they only ate 10% and it's now bedtime? Do you all leave the table and leave them sat there til they force the food down their throats?

What if they are full after a third of it?

What if its something they dont like? Do you force the adults to eat food they dont like at your table?

OP I had one of these.

He would eat whatever was on the menus for school dinner and whatever his parents friends were cooking, and to a degree there were things he would eat for MIL.

But if I made any of the same things he would point black refuse them and yes he would literally eat nothing if that was the only choice.

I decided it wasn't worth the battle or stress and I just let him eat what he wanted; he's had done bizarre concoctions/combinations over the years!

He did like fruit and some vegetables so I let him have unlimited access to these.

He will soon be 14 and now more or less eats anything and everything, this coincided with starting secondary where meal choices were more varied and he started to try new things.

As long as they are happy and not overweight just be like Elsa and let it go

@ClaudiaJ1

Whatever happened to being a parent and actually disciplining your child? They sit at the table and are not allowed to leave the table, no matter what, until they've at least eaten half of their dinner? Whatever happened to that? I'd put the plate in front of them, say people are starving and you will not be excused from this table until you eat it. They'll soon back down.

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Probably come in late.. do you cook specifically for the kids, or is this a meal you all eat? I find it strange when people cook all these “nutritious” things for the kids but they don’t eat the same thing as them.

I cook one meal for everyone. Kids will copy parents, so sit and eat together. Have a side of salad, bread etc so if they don’t enjoy some days, they can still fill up.

There’s no need to overthink this.

As long as it's nutritious food, it doesn't matter if it's hot or cold. 3yo DS has his "hot" food so tepid that it might as well be cold.
I wonder if the kids are just tired from all these activities, and that's why they aren't eating much, or whether you're leaving them to eat by themselves instead of sitting in? I'm happy to feed DS when he's too tired to eat otherwise, with cartoons to keep him awake, it's just one meal of the day. If it's none of that, I'd focus on asking what they want to eat, letting them help and negotiate in some extra veg as needed. (DS got really fond of mushrooms when he discovered they were easiest to chop with his knife!)

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I have never taken the approach you are criticising. But I try and cook healthy food everyone likes. But yes as an adult if the cooking turns out wrong, both DP and I will eat a meal we don't like/
It actually amazes me that some adults will waste food in this way.

I plan and cook nutritious meals without too much repetition

The lack of repetition is probably half the problem. Children don't like change, they like chips and nuggets because it's the same every time.

Why not try one night a week offering a hot meal, eg spag bol or curry or whatever, and offer the exact same one, for several weeks. I bet you they will start eating it over a few weeks.

Until relatively recently humans ate far less varied cuisines. In most cultures there would have been the same starchy staple served at most meals, and then a quite repetitive range of things with it based on what grew well locally etc. Toddlers and young children don't cope well being given "new" meals all the time, they don't trust it.

I was reading the tiger who came to tea just now (as you do... often in my case...) and remembered this thread. Sophie and her Mum(my) are happily eating their sandwiches and cake- and it's clearly usually Sophie's last meal of the day (it's daddy's supper later). Picnic-y teas was normality for loads of kids in the uk from at least the Edwardian period until the 60s or so, I'd say! You are doing it right!

( @DeepaBeesKit I'm not sure I agree too much with you re variety in diet in the past/across cultures- yes to a staple carb, but seasonality would mean the rest changes through the year. And pre modernity far more species of veg/animal insect were eaten that we no longer think of as food. But that's also a good reason for toddlers and littlies to to prefer known safe foods rather than potentially poisonous new things so there's that!) in any case, by-the-bye as we are in agreement on the main point- OP, crack on with your picnic!

Picnic-y teas was normality for loads of kids in the uk from at least the Edwardian period until the 60s or so
While I don't disagree with you, the Tiger book isn't the best proof. Judith Kerr's family were German, and she'll have grown up with and perhaps maintained the German habit of having a hot lunch and then a cold evening meal. If you look at the illustrations it's got some quite German things in it, such as the taps in this picture - a super German Mischbatterie :) de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mischbatterie

@ravenmum true, but it was a time when kids hat to eat what they were given.

"Eat what's on your plate or don't eat". That's how I was brought up and that's what I've done. My kids eat everything....